Goodbye and Hello
by Emom
Summary: Roy/Kanda: Following an injury Roy's life is turned upside down. Can Johnny convince him to stay? Should he? How will the Station family be affected by the outcome?
1. Chapter 1

_Goodbye and Hello_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick them up, dust them off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Every person and all the events of our lives are there because we have drawn them there. Even then their change remains beyond our control." Richard Bach._

* * *

Chapter 1

"Will you grab that?" Roy yelled up the tower.

"How can I grab it when it's halfway down already?" Johnny said while leaning over the railing a bit too much for Roy's liking.

"Johnny! Will you get back. If you fall out of the tower Cap will kill us both," he yelled back with a little bit of annoyance in his voice.

"You bet I will," Roy jumped at Hank's voice behind him. "Too much paperwork involved."

Johnny climbed back into the tower after untangling the line before lowering it down to Roy.

"Sorry Cap," Roy shrugged. "Just never know with Johnny."

Hank tossed his eyebrows up and rolled his eyes, "You can say that again."

Seeing Johnny safely back with both feet on the floor Hank then turned and wandered back into the bay then to his office. Roy waited patiently as Johnny climbed down the ladder. Hitting the ground with a resounding thump Roy just shook his head.

"Are you done?"

Johnny ran his fingers through his hair, "Yea I'm done." He watched his senior partner go towards the bay and stop at the squad. Roy opened up the side doors and pulled out one of the boxes to begin their inventory count for the day. Johnny kept his eye on him. Something wasn't right with Roy today and he hadn't been able to get it out of him yet.

"So, what are you and Joanne doing this weekend?" He decided to start out casual this time since direct questioning at the beginning of the shift hadn't worked out so well.

Roy just shrugged, "Joanne has us busy all weekend. Chris has a game on Saturday and Jenny is working on a school project, something about planting flowers and bugs. I will have my usual list of chores I guess."

Johnny thought about it, "Well, why don't I come over and help you with the yard work on Saturday after the game. That will help you kick some of the list down quicker?"

Roy smiled at that, "Johnny you don't have to do that but I do know that Chris wants you at his game."

"Then it's settled, game, then yard duty." Johnny turned and climbed into the back of the squad to check the tanks, not wanting Roy to have a chance to change his mind. Roy just shook his head. Johnny was pretty good at getting what he wanted out of him and he knew that Johnny was unsettled by his silence today. But Roy wasn't ready yet to talk. His headstrong partner would just have to wait a little longer.

They worked quietly after that and finished up their stock count, closing up the Squad doors when the tones sounded.

"Station 51, Engine 86. Structure Fire……………….Time out 1014."

Roy took the slip of paper from Hank then slipped on his helmet, pulling the strap under his chin. Passing the slip over to Johnny he pulled out the drive and into the street. The ride was quiet, as was their routine. Johnny gave his expert directions, as usual, knowing the streets of Carson like the back of his hand.

They could see the smoke from several blocks away and knew this one was going to be a mess. The subdivision was nice and well kept, the houses all lined up in little rows. Even the mailboxes all matched. Roy pulled up to the curb and they both jumped out. Bystanders were beginning to gather in the yard as the flames roared from the upper level windows.

Mike pulled the engine up to the nearest hydrant and stopped long enough to drop some hose then he pulled forward in front of the squad. All the men jumped out and went straight to work. Being the first engine on the scene Hank was in charge of directing the incoming units as well.

"LA, this is 51. We have a house now fully involved. We need a second assignment."

"10-4, 51."

Roy ran up to the first bystander, "Do you know if anyone was home?"

The older woman, shook her head. "Yes, he works all day but she's at home with the children. Please help them," she cried.

Roy ran back towards Hank, "Cap, we have people inside."

"You and Johnny do a sweep," Hank yelled towards Chet. "Kelly, Lopez! Cover them, we got people trapped inside."

Johnny and Roy loaded up with tanks and masks then headed straight into the house. Marco and Chet were right behind them.

The smoke was thick but they could still pretty easily see the interior rooms to navigate them quickly. Roy motioned to Johnny towards the dining room and kitchen while he indicated he would start down the hallway. Johnny nodded his understanding to his partner. At times like this few words were needed between the two men.

Johnny quickly scanned the two rooms then the living room, not finding anyone, before moving down the hall to find Roy.

"Johnny in here!" He heard the muffled call through the second doorway.

When Johnny got into the room he found Roy kneeling next a little girl, about 4 years old. Beside him was a woman, awake and coughing. Roy had already taken his mask off and placed in on the little girls face. The daughter was pushing against Roy and fighting him as she cried out for her mother. He passed her over to her hoping to calm the child making it easier to get out quickly.

Johnny reached down to help the woman to her feet. Roy was already up and ready to go but the woman grabbed his arm. "My son, God, please get my son."

"Where is he?" Roy asked.

"The next bedroom," she cried.

"Johnny, get them out. I'll get the boy."

Johnny knew to not argue but he definitely didn't like the plan. He simply nodded his agreement and took the mother by the arm, guiding her down the hallway. He looked back to see Roy enter the bedroom and disappear. He passed Marco on the way out.

"Roy's got one more to get, keep him covered," Johnny yelled above the hissing of his air mask.

Marco gave him an exaggerated nod as he held the hose.

Once he had the two victims out the front door he was immediately helped by Hank and Mike to get them over by the Squad. He again glanced to the house with no sign of Roy yet.

"Cap, Roy went after the son." Hank heard the anxiety in his voice.

* * *

Roy glanced behind him to see Marco with the hose at the front end of the hallway spraying water up the stairs. So far the fire was contained upstairs but Roy know that wouldn't last for long as hot as the air was getting. He turned into the next bedroom with an initial glance finding nothing other than it was a little boys bedroom, covered with baseball cards and posters. He looked on the other side of the bed to find a young boy about 11 years old hiding there. He looked scared to death but unharmed. Roy sighed a deep breath, "Come on son, let's get you out of here okay?"

The child just nodded and reached out to take Roy's hand. But before he could grab it the boy took off at a dead run. Caught off guard Roy jumped after him but managed to trip over something on the floor. Finding his feet beneath him fast he reached the hallway to see the small feet disappear around the corner towards the back of the house. Roy went down the hallway at a full run trying to catch up with him.

Marco didn't see the child run out of the room but he did see Roy as he ran as fast as he could down the hallway. In the wrong direction. Marco couldn't figure out what was going on when an explosion knocked him off his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust us off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable." Theodore N. Vail._

_Please review and let me know how it's going :)_

* * *

Chapter 2

The mother continued to hold her daughter tightly in her arms while Johnny tried to assess her color and breathing. Both seemed to be doing fine, a little coughing that was improving. Their vitals were stable as he wrote them down and prepared to call them into Rampart.

He caught the flash of Hank's legs running past him as he felt the rumbling under his feet. Jumping up he was immediately shook by the explosion that rocked the house sending boards flying and spreading the flames throughout the structure. A quick scan revealed that Marco and Roy were both still inside before the screams of the mother drew his attention back to them. His words and actions were focused on calming the out of control mother and crying child but his emotions were inside the house with his partner. He wanted to run and find him but knew his first responsibility was to his patients.

Hank approached him. "John are they stable?"

He just shook his head, "Roy?"

"Gear up," was all Hank said. He wasn't going to leave two of his men in there. There were now other engine companies on the house with hoses trying to get it under control. Donning his own gear he followed Johnny into the front door, following the hose that was Marco's. It didn't take them long to find Marco, he had been knocked into the living room and was working on regaining his feet and his balance.

Hank came up beside him and helped him get steady, "You okay?"

Marco shook his head but was still wobbly, "Roy." He pointed. "He was running down the hallway after something."

Johnny worked his way through the hallway while Chet came up behind him with the hose. Hank helped Marco out to the Squad in the hands of Brice and Marinson who had just arrived before heading back into the building to search for Roy.

Johnny looked down the hall and saw where the ceiling had caved in and his heart skipped a beat. He didn't want to think that Roy was under that pile. Moving closer Chet began dousing it with water to put out the smoking embers, they could see the fire raging above them through the now gaping hole in the ceiling. Picking through the rubble there was no sign of Roy.

"ROY!" Johnny yelled over and over as they tried to get past the blockage. Then he paused, "Did you hear that?" He looked at his Captain.

"ROY!" He called out again.

"Johnny!" That time he heard it. It was Roy but he couldn't see him yet. Moving a last chunk of ceiling he stepped past the pile and found himself at the end of the hallway. There was a door to his left and one to his right. Both were closed. He opened the one on the left to find a bathroom, it was empty. The right opened into a storage room.

"Roy?" He said as he shinned his flashlight into it.

"Over here," the voice called.

Johnny moved but had to be careful of his footing. Everything that had been on all the shelves was now on the floor, including one of the shelves. That's where he found Roy. Roy was on the ground, under the fallen shelf lying on his side, facing away from Johnny.

"Hold on, let me get his off of you. Are you hurt?" He asked concerned.

Hank came up behind them, forever grateful to see that Roy was alive and talking. "We gotta get out of here before the rest of that second floor comes down."

Johnny nodded, "Grab that end."

Hank did just that and with a couple of heaves and hoes they lifted the shelf off Roy. That was when they saw that he was laying on the boy, protecting him from the fallen debris. Hank grabbed the child while Johnny grabbed Roy's hand to help him up. Roy came up pretty quickly but almost went down again groaning with his leg hurting. Swinging Roy's arm over his shoulders Johnny let him lean against him while they hurried out and back down the hallway.

Followed by Chet, the group of men escaped the house with the second sound of collapse echoing in their ears as they jumped off the porch to safety.

Johnny helped Roy back to his feet then over to the squad where Brice had already left with the mother and child for the emergency room. He lowered Roy down easily to the yellow blanket and started to take his helmet off. Hank handed the boy off to Marinson.

"I can do that," Roy grumbled as he unbuckled his own mask and helmet.

"Alright, fine. Where are you hurt?" Johnny asked again.

"My right leg," he reached down to rub it, now seeing the large tear in his pants.

"Here, let me look at it," Johnny said as he pulled back on the pants to see the battered skin. "Can't believe it's not cut, just looks like a bad abrasion."

He reached into the trauma box and pulled out something to clean it with and some gauze.

"I can do that," Roy said.

"Let him do his job and quit complaining for a while." They both looked up to see Hank standing over them. Roy just took a deep breath and leaned back against the back bumper of the squad, resigned to being the patient.

* * *

"Well, not used to seeing you as the patient Roy. What happened?" Dr. Joe Early asked with a gentle smile on his face.

"Fire, lost kid, ceiling collapse, me stuck in closet with a bookshelf on me." It was obvious that Roy was a tad bit grumpy over it all.

"It doesn't look bad, let's just get it cleaned up then you can be on your way," Joe said throwing Dixie a 'come help me' look.

* * *

Roy limped out to the Squad with Johnny going for the driver's seat.

"Exactly what do you think you're doing?" Roy asked with his hands on his hips.

"Look at you, you can't drive," Johnny said with a little too much of a smile.

Roy's leg hurt and he knew that Johnny was right but did he have to enjoy it so much? With slumped shoulders he moved to the passenger seat and climbed in. Picking up the mic, "Squad 51 available."

"10-4 51."

Johnny could just feel the stress oozing from Roy in the other seat, "Okay, when are you going to tell me what's eating at you today?"

Roy almost barked at him but knew that he was only concerned. He knew perfectly well he had not been in a good mood all shift. "It's really no big deal just some stress at home."

Johnny's nerves tightened. Roy and Joanne had the perfect marriage. They had been in love since they were kids and now married for many years. "What kind of stress?"

Roy shrugged, he might as well get it over with then the day could go on normally. "You remember last year when we took that vacation to the ranch?"

Johnny winced inside, yea, it was a disaster. "Yea."

"Well, it's that time of year again and we're not agreeing on where to go." He turned to Johnny, "And I don't want ANYONE at the station to know. I can't take being buried in brochures' again this time."

"Okay, okay. I won't say a word. Have either one of you come up with an idea yet?"

"She's wanting something exotic, like Hawaii. I'm leaning more towards something more like a cruise. You know something that the kids will love too."

"Wow, both of those sound great. I'm sure you guys will work it out." Wow, cruise or Hawaii, what Johnny wouldn't do to have woes like that.

"Yea, I know." Johnny wasn't married. He just didn't understand the intricate details of mutual agreement on something as complicated as a vacation.

* * *

The end of the shift came and everyone was glad to go. After the morning runs the station had been dead which is a nice break but can make for an incredibly long agonizing shift.

Johnny hopped into his Rover as Roy climbed in his little car, "I'll see you at the game at one Roy."

"Okay, I'll let Chris know," he waved goodbye to his friend. Johnny was definitely family. He could drive you nuts sometimes but most of the time you were just glad he was around. Johnny was right, his help today would make the monotony of his chore list go faster. He would have to remember to stop and pick up some beer for them to relax with after the work. Maybe it would be okay with Joanne if he also stayed for dinner. That would be a nice way to repay him for helping out on his day off.

* * *

"Man Joanne," Johnny said as he slid his chair back from the table. "That's some of the best beef stroganoff I've ever had."

She smiled at the young man, "Why thank ya Johnny, glad you enjoyed it. Least I could do was feed you since Roy here turned you into slave labor today." She shot him a look.

Roy half smiled.

Johnny caught the exchange, "Hey I volunteered myself. And besides I don't know of any slave who has had it this good."

She laughed, "Okay you two. Out of the kitchen while I clean up."

The two men pushed their chairs back under the table and headed out into the living room. Johnny's lap was instantly filled with the giggling little princess of the house.

"Unkle Johnny will you play horses with me?"

Those big blue eyes made her look just like her daddy but attached to her they melted his heart, "Sure honey, where are they?"

She jumped down and grabbed a little box and dumped a whole pile of different colored little horses all over the living room coffee table. Johnny slid down in the floor so he was on her level and helped her separate them and get them all standing up.

She giggled, "Oh Unkle Johnny, Deva doesn't stay in the same pasture as Smokey. They will fight!"

Johnny just shook his head, "Oh, sorry about that." He obviously didn't understand the complicated life of plastic horses.

Roy chuckled as he watched Johnny make horsey sounds and giddy up sounds with Jenny as they played 'horse rustler's are coming' all over the coffee table. Johnny looked back to see Joanne coming back into the living room after turning out the kitchen light.

"Jen, it's time for your bath. Put up your horses and tell Johnny good night."

"Awe mommy, me wanna play more." The little girl tried to stick out lip and everything.

"No Mame, upstairs. I will be right there."

Roy stood up, "Johnny want a beer on the porch?"

Johnny caught the limp of his leg and how he unconsciously rubbed it, "Leg still sore?"

Joanne looked over at Roy just as Roy threw Johnny the 'shut up partner' glare. Johnny felt like he was in the middle of a giant uh oh.

"Did you get hurt?" Joanne asked.

"Just a bruised leg, doc said it was fine." Roy tried to sound very casual; he never wanted her to worry. He knew that every shift he worked she worried about him.

"You had to go to the ER?" Joanne was a little miffed. Roy always told her of his little bumps and bruises.

He walked over and hugged her, "its okay honey. I'm sorry. I was going to tell you all about it tonight. I'm fine."

Johnny watched the tender exchange with a little embarrassment, knowing that Roy would let him have it when they were alone. "He saved a little boy from a house fire."

"That's my Roy," she said with a smile. Kissing him on the cheek she headed upstairs to help Jenny with her bath.

Johnny followed Roy out to the porch, surprised that Joanne hadn't noticed the moderate limping effort he was making.

They sat down at the table on the back porch and popped open a beer, "Sorry about that Roy."

"No big deal. My fault for not telling her yet. She's just been real antsy recently since those 3 firemen died in Pasadena last week."

Johnny nodded, that had been devastating news for everyone at the stations. "Joanne is a strong woman. Takes one to be married to a fireman."

"Yea, I'm lucky." Roy leaned back and sipped his beer enjoying the cool California evening with his best friend.

* * *

"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me?" Joanne said as she stomped through the bedroom.

"I said I was sorry. We were busy all day, then you were gone with Jenny to work on her project, Chris and his game. Time just got away from me I guess. It wasn't like I was trying to hide it." He took her arm and turned her around towards him. She was crying now.

"You know I worry every moment you're at work that something will happen to you."

He held her tight, "I know babe. I know it's hard but you also know it's my job. It's rare that I get hurt. Hey, I'm not Johnny." That got a little smile from her.

"I rely on Johnny to watch after you," she said. The silent 'where was he' was felt by Roy.

"Johnny does watch over me but he was with another victim at the time. We both were doing our jobs. Hey," he paused. "Look at me." He took her face in his hands, "I'm alright."

She leaned on his shoulder and cried. It never got easier, he just didn't understand that.


	3. Chapter 3

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust us off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work." John Lubbock._

_Thank you to those taking the time to review for me. I really appreciate it._

* * *

Chapter 3

Johnny watched Roy enter the dayroom and go over to the stove to pour him some coffee. The limp was better but still there. Roy came and sat down beside Mike, taking a part of the newspaper to open it up and read it.

"Leg feeling better?" Johnny ventured to ask.

"Yes, no thanks to you." Roy said without lowering the paper.

That caught everyone's attention as they wondered what was up between the two men.

"Look, I told you I was sorry."

Roy lowered the paper, "I have spent the last two days trying to convince Joanne that my leg isn't going to fall off and to not panic when I came back to work."

Johnny lowered his head, like a puppy that had just been admonished with a wet newspaper. Roy felt instantly guilty. He knew it wasn't Johnny's fault that Joanne was acting all nutso.

"Sorry Johnny. It's just that Joanne usually doesn't act like this. She's driving me crazy."

Johnny perked up some but still felt bad. A little part of him deep down felt that Joanne blamed him each time got hurt.

Hank put his coffee cup down, "Roy, is it the Pasadena fire that has her stirred up?"

Roy nodded, "Yea, it really shook her up."

"Emily too. She's been asking me to take some vacation time but I keep telling her the job will still be here when we get back."

"Speaking of vacations," Johnny said trying to change to topic of conversation but stopped as he caught the intent glaring gaze of his partner.

"I know Cap. It has to be hard being married to a fireman but I've done this for years now. Looks like she would be used to it by now."

"I don't know Roy. I don't think they ever get used to it. They may get numb to the days we are gone but the worry is always there," Hank said.

"Yea, I guess so," Roy said as he put the paper back in its stack.

"Okay fellows, roll call in six," Hank said as he moved to his office.

"You and Cap are really lucky to find someone who understands," Mike said.

"Yea, girls think firemen are great until they start to think about any serious, then they get scared and run," Chet added.

Chet stood up and put his coffee cup in the sink, "Oh Johnny, I bought that new spice you wanted for the cupboard. It's on the second shelf."

"Oh, thanks Chet," he walked over to see it and opened the door only to be instantly covered in paprika powder. "Chet!"

Roy laughed, Mike got up and headed to the bay to stay out of it while Marco handed Johnny a wet rag knowing that he didn't have time to change clothes.

* * *

Hank knew the roll call was a ritual long since practiced in the department. He went past each man, standing tall, hats in place, serious faces, and red shirts. Red shirt?

"Johnny?"

"Sorry Cap, Chet…"

Hank held up his hand, so much for formality and ritual.

"Okay, Marco bay and dorm. Roy kitchen. Mike and Johnny hoses. Chet, need I say it?"

"Latrine Cap. I hear you."

Hank just shook his head, "dismissed." _So the day with the looney tunes begins._

* * *

Roy was mopping the kitchen when the tones sounded.

"Station 51, Accident…………………time out 0933."

Pulling up to the accident they could see two cars that were involved, right in the middle of the intersection. The police hadn't arrived yet and the crowd was already starting to gather making getting to the injured even more challenging.

"Chet, Marco. Get those batteries. Then pull a one and a half inch. I smell gasoline and we don't want these cars going up."

"Aye Cap," they echoed as they moved to their assigned tasks.

Johnny and Roy each took a car checking on the folks inside. Johnny jogged to the pickup truck which had apparently rear ended a convertable. The window was down as he looked inside to see a man leaning over the steering wheel. Reaching in he checked for a pulse. Finding one he pulled his arm out to open the door. He then stood beside the man as he palpated his neck, then down his back, looking for obvious injuries. The man's unresponsiveness was the most concerning thing to Johnny.

"Cap, I need a c-collar and a backboard here."

Hank acknowledged him with a wave. He looked over to Chet, "Chet, go help out Johnny."

"Sure thing Cap," Chet said as he let go of the hose with Marco. He grabbed the equipement that Johnny had asked for then headed over to him by the truck.

First Johnny secured his neck with the collar he then carefully leaned him back against the backboard. The man remained unconscious as they guided him out of the truck and onto the ground. Once there he had Chet working on the first set of vital signs as he set up the link to Rampart.

After getting his IV started the man was ready for transport. He then decided to look for Roy.

* * *

Roy approached the car on the farthest side of the accident. It was a convertible which had hit a telephone phone head on. He could immediately saw that the driver was a young girl. He grimaced as he got closer and realized that she had impacted with the front windshield. Leaning over the door he reached for a pulse but instantly pulled back as he felt a sharp pain in his side. Looking down he could see the blood already coming through his shirt.

"Damn," he said as he untucked his shirt and lifted it up. It seemed mostly superficial from what he could tell. He then ran his gloved hand over the car door window and felt the broken piece of glass that was barely sticking out.

Mike heard him and came over to see if he could help out. He didn't really think much about seeing Roy with a handful of blood after he looked into the car and saw how badly injured the girl was.

"Roy, need help?" He asked.

"I need the trauma box, c-collar and a backboard," he replied as he held pressure to his cut with one hand. He reached with the other hand and opened the door. She wasn't responsive as he reached again for a pulse. It was there, barely. He did a quick exam of her head, neck and back. She had a severe head trauma and was bleeding heavily.

Mike came up behind him and handed him the supplies. Roy put the collar to stabilize her neck on first, then worked on a set of vital signs.

"Okay Mike, let's get her on this backboard and get her out of here. They leaned her forward, gently, and then slipped the backboard behind her. After securing the straps Roy stood up and as he took one side, Mike took the other, sliding her out of the car. Once Mike was opposite of Roy he saw his shirt. He actually didn't think much about it because there was blood all over her; he just assumed it had gotten on Roy too. They lowered her to the ground and he knelt down beside her. Mike watched him finish his exam on her and write down his vital signs. He also watched the red spot on his stomach get bigger when he realized it was Roy that was bleeding.

"Roy."

He looked up, "Yea?"

Mike pointed to the spot on his shirt, "You're hurt." Mikes voice was deep with worry.

Roy just nodded. "I know, I leaned on a piece of glass. I'll be okay till we can get her out of here. Stay with her while I go call this in to Rampart."

Mike did as he was asked and stayed with the girl. Hank came up beside him and knelt down, "How's she doing?"

"Not too good, looks like a bad head injury," he pointed to the car. "She almost went through the windshield."

Hank shook his head, "Such a waste."

"Cap?"

Hank nodded to his engineer.

"Roy's hurt, he cut his self getting her out." He hesitated, "It looks kinda bad."

That was all Hank had to hear and he was on his feet. His eyes scanning the scene for the paramedic. He knew that Roy would not treat himself until the victim was cared for. Seeing him over by Johnny he headed that way.

Johnny looked up to see Roy headed towards him. He was taken aback by the fact that he was covered in blood. "Roy?"

He just shook his head sideways, "She's bleeding badly from a severe head wound. I'm having trouble stopping it. What do you have?"

Johnny briefly updated him on the other victim then handed the phone to Roy. After reporting to Brackett he wrote down his orders and turned to head back to his patient. Johnny worked on repeating his patients vital signs while they waited for transport. He glanced up to see that Roy had been stopped by the Captain and watched them talking when he heard Cap call his name.

"Gage, over here," Hank called as he motioned for Johnny.

Johnny jumped up and ran over to the two men, "Cap? You call me?"

Hank pointed to Roy with irritation in his voice, "Make sure he's checked out before you leave." Hank said then moved back to the engine.

"What's he talking about?" Johnny asked his partner.

Roy just sighed, "Let me get these fluids started then I'll tell ya."

"Okay, he's stable. I'll help you." He turned back to Chet, "Chet, I'm gonna help Roy. I'll be right back." Chet waved his understanding at Johnny. He then trotted off with Roy to the young woman's side.

Johnny almost let out a gasp at the sight of the injured woman, it was bad. He didn't see that she could possibly survive this. He looked then over to Mike who looked very anxious. It was understandable, Johnny knew that Mike wasn't used to working with the patients and this one was not a pleasant experience at all. But as he watched him he realized that Mike wasn't looking at the patient, he was watching Roy.

Johnny held his tongue while they got the IV started and reassed her vital signs. They were critical but holding for now. The ambulance had not yet arrived due to the problems with traffic around the busy intersection. He stood up and looked at Roy.

"You going to tell me what's going on now?"

"It's no big deal. I cut myself when I leaned across the car door," he said as he lifted up his shirt to reveal the cut.

"God Roy, why didn't you say something. You're bleeding like a stuck pig." Johnny reached out to examine it. "Mike hand me some gauze from the box there."

Mike responded to Johnny's panic over the cut with some rapid rummaging through the trauma box for the asked for supplies.

"It's not deep. I've already checked; just shallow enough to bleed everywhere." Roy hated being fussed over and this was two times this week now.

Johnny took the gauze and pressed down on the laceration, Roy pulled back some. He looked up at him, "Hey now, let me get it cleaned up so I can see how bad it is."

Roy seemed to be right about the depth but Johnny was still concerned at how much it was bleeding. He took a clean gauze and using tape secured it as tight as he could for now. Hank wandered over to them, "He okay?"

"I think so Cap, he can have it checked at Rampart." Johnny said.

"I'll have Marco bring you the Squad. Let me know what's going on," he said pointing to Roy's bloody shirt.

"I will Cap," Johnny answered. He felt some relief with that. He wanted Roy in the back of the ambulance with him where he would keep an eye on him and the bleeding.

"He's been hanging around you too long Gage. Ignoring injuries…" Hank muttered as he went to talk to Vince about moving all the cars out of the way when the victims were gone.

* * *

Johnny and Roy exited the ambulance, getting the patients down and moved into the treatment rooms. Dixie looked at Roy and frowned, "You weren't supposed to wear your patient Roy."

"That's not his patients blood Dix," Johnny said then watched the tremendous concern come over her face.

"Get him into treatment 4 now, I'll get Kel."

Roy sat on the table, mumbling under his breath.

"Will you quit fidgeting," Johnny said with a smile.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"Hey, I'm just glad I'm not the patient for a change."

"Joanne is going to kill me," Roy said.

"No, she's probably gonna want to kill me. Roy, if you don't quit getting hurt she's gonna make you change partners."

That made Roy smile, Johnny was actually worried that he would be in hot water with Joanne. Yes, shift the blame. He laughed.

"What's so funny?" Johnny was nervous now.

"Nothing. I just think we will both be in hot water over this."

"Maybe you should quit visiting us then." They both looked up to see Dr. Early enter the room with Dixie. "What happened Roy?"

"I leaned on a piece of glass."

"Well, lay back and let me look at it." He frowned at the amount of blood on his shirt. "Dix, what's his vitals look like?"

She deflated the blood pressure cuff, "BP is 100/60, pulse 100."

Joe pulled up his shirt and took off the now saturated dressing, "Hmm."

"What does Hmm mean?" Roy asked.

"Definitely going to need some stitches here. I'm going to also give you some antibiotics to take since it's a nasty cut. We need to get some fluids in you. Dix, lets hang some LR, 100cc per hour."

"Great," Roy sighed. Yep, Joanne was not going to like this at all.

* * *

"Maybe I'm cursed," Roy grumbled as they headed back to the station.

"I doubt you're cursed. It's only two injuries this week," Johnny said as he watched his friend squirm.

"Yea, only two. Means nothing to you. That's a light afternoon for you. But I don't get hurt, much less twice this week." He paused. "I must be cursed."

Johnny just laughed. "Maybe it will heal up before you go home tomorrow."

"Ha ha. You're no help."

"Squad 51, stand by."

The tones sounded over the radio, "Station 51. Attempted suicide …………..time out 1314."

"So much for lunch," Johnny whined.

* * *

They pulled up to the 8 story office complex, pulled boxes and headed for the front door. They were greeted at the front desk by the on duty security guard who updated them.

"He's on the roof, says he's gonna jump. We couldn't talk him down so called you guys."

They followed the man onto the elevator and went straight up to the top floor; from there they had to cross the hallway to the stairwell for the roof access door. Roy opened the door and stepped onto the blinding white roof, shielding his eyes. The guard then led them around to the other side of the entry door where they found a man in his 30's standing on the ledge, watching them as they came across the roof line.

"I have a bad feeling about this Roy," Johnny whispered.

"Don't say it. This has not been my week and I'm pretty sure Joanne would be pissed off if I fell off the roof."

Johnny shot a look over at Roy like he had just predicted some horrible truth. He knew that Roy was the one that usually was called upon to talk down jumpers, more than once risking his life to save theirs. But this time Johnny had a bad feeling for his friend. There was no way he was going to let Roy get near this desperate soul today.


	4. Chapter 4

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Grief has its limits whereas apprehension has none." Author unknown._

* * *

Chapter 4

Before getting too close they both put on their safety belts with a rope for security. Walking up slowly to the man on the ledge they gently placed their equipment next to their feet. The man kept his eyes intently on them, watching every move they made. Johnny was about to tell Roy his plan when he realized Roy was already on the move.

Roy took a step forward, "We're from the LA Country Fire Department. My name is Roy, this is my partner Johnny."

"I don't care who you are don't come any closer to me," the man yelled with a shaky voice.

Roy took a single step again, "What's your name?"

"Thomas."

Another step, "Thomas, why don't you step down off that ledge and tell us what's going on?"

"No." Then with a quieter tone, "This is just something I have to do now." His eyes told Roy that he was serious about doing this leap.

Another step, "Why?"

Johnny watched what Roy was doing and his own sense of panic was increasing. The closer he got to the jumper the more he felt the need to grab him back. He didn't want Roy in the front but now there was no turning back.

"Look, I know what you're trying to do but it won't work this time. I've already thought about all the possibilities and still have the same answer." He took a baby step backwards.

Another step, "Well Thomas we just don't want you to get hurt is all. Is there anyone we can call to talk to you?"

Baby step backwards, "No, no one cares."

Another step, "Thomas, I care."

Baby step backwards.

"Roy." Johnny knew it was about to happen.

Roy didn't want to turn around, he knew Johnny was worried. He was so close now he could almost leap and get him, just another couple of steps.

Another step, "Thomas, tell me what you did today?"

Thomas wasn't looking at Roy anymore, he turned towards the street now. Roy didn't even look back he just took two giant leaps and grabbed Thomas by the waist. The man was so caught off guard that he didn't even struggle at first. But within an instant he was pulling them both over the edge.

Johnny's hands gripped the rope with all his strength as he felt it lurch through them, his feet were now sliding on the gravel as the weight of the two men pulled him closer to the edge.

"ROY!" he screamed but could only heard the man over the edge yelling for Roy to let go of him.

Then he suddenly felt the weight of the rope get lighter and looked back to see Marco and Chet both pulling it with him. Hank went straight to the edge where the poor ole security guard was trying to grab a hold of Roy from above but Hank realized that he was too far away. There was no time to get a ladder truck there their only hope was to pull them up from the top.

"PULL!" he yelled back to his men as he watched the rope pull across the concrete edge. _Please God let this rope hold out, _Hank prayed as the edges started to fray. Hand over hand they began to pull the two men up.

* * *

Roy's first contact with Thomas was by wrapping his arms around his waist as tight as he could. He felt the momentary shock of his contact by the surprised man but knew that wouldn't last. And it didn't. Thomas lurched forward pulling them over the edge. They swung out a little then Roy's side impacted with the building. He didn't argue with the fighting man knowing it was fruitless at this point but only focused on keeping his grip and hoping that Johnny didn't lose his.

It seemed like an eternity but he felt the rope finally pulling them upwards. At that point even Thomas stopped fighting it and simply grew quiet for the ride back up.

Hank reached over the edge and grabbed the man by the back of his shirt collar to get a first hand hold on him then with Mike's help they pulled him up and over the ledge depositing him onto the gravel floor and into the arms of the police.

He then reached down and pulled Roy up and over the edge where he simply sat on the ledge and caught his breath.

Hank stared at him, "That has to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen you do."

Roy knew Cap was upset, "Cap, we didn't have any time. It was then or never."

Hank lowered his voice, "We almost lost you there Roy."

Roy smiled, "Hey, that's what family's for right? To come to my rescue?"

Hank just shook his head but had to give it to Roy, "let's go home."

He stood up and took off the safety belt.

"You just had to go running off the side of a building didn't you? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Johnny said as he marched over to him. "Great, and look what you did!"

Roy looked down to what Johnny was pointing at. The blood spot on his shirt. Lifting it up he found half the stitches torn out, great.

"Early is gonna have your hide," Johnny said shaking his head. "Well, let's go to Rampart again."

* * *

"Okay if you keep this up we're going to have to give you Johnny's frequent flying discount card," Dixie said with a giggle.

"It's not funny Dix. Jo is already having a fit over every little thing that happens to me and now this?" He winced as Joe put in the last stitch.

"But she will see you're a hero, you saved that man's life," she said.

"Oh no she won't," he looked at Johnny. "Joanne's not going to know a thing about this little fiasco."

Dixie shuffled her feet, "There's one problem with that theory Roy."

"What?"

"It's all over the news, the whole rescue. You jumping off the side of the building and everything. Apparently some amateur video taker caught it and sent it right to the television stations. You're famous."

* * *

"We repeat, apparently the firefighter was injured in the rescue as he was rushed off scene to Rampart Emergency."

"Great!" Roy barked as he turned off the television. "Rushed off, good Lord. I have to call Joanne right away."

"Don't worry about calling."

They all turned to see Joanne standing in the door of the doctor's lounge.

"Jo, I'm okay," he said as he went to hug her but this time she resisted.

"I have to hear about it on the news?" She was obviously upset.

"I didn't even realize until just now that it was even on the news. I was going to call you. I'm sorry you had to find out about it this way."

Tears started to run down her face, "My heart stopped Roy when I realized it was you hanging from the side of that building. I didn't know what to do."

He took her in his arms, "Shh babe, its okay."

She pulled back from him. "Dixie said you only pulled out some stitches?"

"Yea, but I'm fixed up again."

"When the hell did you get the stitches?"

Roy froze when he realized that he hadn't stopped to call her about his last trip here, "Jo, I got a cut from a wrecked car then we were called right out again to the jumper." He was stammering over his words at this point.

Johnny stepped up to try and help seeing how upset Joanne was, "Jo he was going to call but we had to leave right away again."

She just shook her head, "I'm not trying to be a crazy wife Roy but I just got scared." She looked back at Johnny, "I know that you are privy to all his injuries but I need to know too."

Johnny took a step back, hurt by Joanne's back lash. She meant a lot to him, they were his family and he didn't like her upset with him. The small dark pit growing in his stomach that she blamed him.

"Squad 51, are you available?"

Roy picked up the HT, "51 available from Rampart."

"Child trapped…………………….time out 1737."

Joanne reached up and kissed him, "Be careful. I'll see you in the morning." She turned and left without addressing Johnny further.

* * *

They pulled back into the station after freeing a 4 year olds hand from the drain of a bathtub. Roy climbed out and felt sore all over, "I'm gonna head for a hot shower."

Johnny had been quiet, "okay."

Roy met him at the back of the squad and knew something was wrong, "You okay?"

Johnny smiled, "Yea, just tired. It's been a long day."

Roy nodded, "You can say that again. Go grab me some dinner, I'll be right out."

With a random jiggle of his head Johnny headed to the dayroom.

* * *

"Roy?"

He turned to find Hank standing in the door of the locker room, "Yea Cap?"

Hank sauntered in to find Roy showered and dressed, standing in front of the mirror shaving.

"Just wanted to make sure you were okay?" Roy could hear the concern in his voice.

"Sure Cap. It's been an unusual day but at least it's halfway over," he said with a smile.

"Been an unusual week, for you especially. I'm not used to having this much paperwork to fill out about you having repeated trips to the ER." Hank leaned against the back wall of the room.

Roy took the towel and wiped off his face, then the blade of his straight razor. "I can't explain it Cap. Guess it was just my time to be due. Maybe if I get it over with all at once then I will be good for another couple of years." He tucked the shaving items back into his shaving bag and walked over to his locker.

"I hear that Joanne saw it on the news? Is she okay?"

Roy's eyes got big, "I don't think I've ever seen her that upset over an injury."

Hank chewed on his lower lip a little, "I can call Emily if you want me too."

Roy appreciated the thought, "yea, that might help if she had someone to talk to about it tonight. At least until I can get home."

Hank stood back up straight and smiled, "Good, I'll call her now."

The two men went into the bay together, Hank headed to his office for the phone call and Roy went in search of dinner.

"Dinner smells good Marco, what is it?" Roy asked.

Everyone was gathered around the table already eating and Mike passed the casserole dish down to Roy.

"It's an enchilada recipe that is from my grandmother," he said while he woofed down another mouthful.

Roy scooped some on his plate; he was starving, now remembering they had missed lunch.

"So Roy, you trying to beat Johnny's record for the most trips to the ER in one week?" Chet said seriously.

Roy smirked at him, "Funny Chet. I just thought I'd save all my suffering up for one time and get it over with."

Chet thought about that, "So, no spreading it out to _all the time_ like Johnny boy here huh?"

"Nope, just wait till my grand finale."

The table got quiet. They weren't used to seeing Roy get hurt hardly ever and after this week that statement just made them cringe inside. Roy looked around the table, then over to Johnny and suddenly realized what he meant as a joke had really shaken the young paramedic.

Roy put his fork down, "Guys, I was just kidding. Joanne is having panic attacks over the little stuff. I don't even want to think about anything worse."

Everyone relaxed and went back to eating and before long they were sitting in front of an old scary movie on TV. Roy saw Johnny leave out of the corner of his eye. Getting up quietly he followed him into the bay, finding him sitting on the back of the Squad.

"Okay Junior, I know something is bugging ya," Roy said as he sat down next to him.

"I think I might be in that proverbial hot water," he said solemnly.

Roy had to think for a minute before realizing what his friend was talking about, "With Joanne?"

Johnny nodded.

"Johnny, Jo is just upset right now at everything. She's not mad at you. If anything I think she might be jealous."

Johnny wrinkled his eyebrows and frowned, "What?"

"Well, think about it. She sits at home and worries all shift when I'm gone. And when I do get hurt she can't be there to fix it or help me feel better. You know how she is if you get a cold or the flu."

"Yea," he smiled. "She treats you like a king with pillow fluffs and hot chicken noodle soup."

Roy laughed, "yea and when I'm here she can't do anything. Instead I rely on you guys to get me through the rough spots. I rely on you a lot Johnny."

Johnny smiled, "Hey, that's what partners are for."

"That's what friends are for. She see's you guys taking care of me and I think she feel's left out sometimes."

"But at Rampart, she seemed so mad at me."

"Johnny she was mad at everything. She had just seen me swinging by a rope from the side of a building. Of course she was upset. Just happen to be me and you there to take the brunt of it is all."

He slapped Johnny on the shoulder, "Come on Junior, let' go finish the movie."

Johnny felt some better but that dark spot still lingered.


	5. Chapter 5

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_The only thing we need is a hand that rests on our own, that wishes it well, that sometimes guides us." Hector Biancoiotti, Sans La Misericorde du Christ._

* * *

Chapter 5

Everyone was asleep except for Johnny. He lay on his back with his arm draped over this forehead but his eyes were wide open. The day churned through his head, Roy, Joanne. Roy told him that everything was fine but that little dark spot was growing again. Everything was not alright. He couldn't put his finger on it but he looked over to his sleeping partner and found himself imagining him not being there. What would it be like to have a different partner? Of course he had ridden many shifts with other crew when pulling overtime or on holidays but this would be different. He couldn't imagine having anyone else at his side as a partner or a friend. He always felt so lucky to get to work with someone he called his brother. What if Roy wasn't there anymore? Then he sat straight up in bed. He suddenly felt an overwhelming protective instinct for his friend. He didn't know why but something was not right.

The tones sounded and the lights came on, "Station 51, Station 110, Battalion 9, Engine 86. Apartment Fire………………………time out 0249."

The men were straight up, feet in boots, pulling up turnout pants and running to the trucks.

They weren't the first to arrive finding two other stations already there beginning to fight the fire of the old 4 story brick apartment building. The flames were up on the roof visible throughout the night sky sending enough heat down to remind them of the very definition of fire. People were fleeing the building in their pajama's into the street then add in the bystanders and new arriving engines were struggling to find access to the building.

The Chief came over to Hank, updating him on positions and what they knew so far. "I need your men to sweep the building with 110's medics. The manager thinks everyone is out but he's not sure."

Roy and Johnny ran up to Hank, in full gear, ready to enter the building.

"Roy and Johnny take the 3rd and 4th floors. Brice and Dwyer are taking the 1st and 2nd. Make it quick that roof isn't going to last long."

"Right Cap," they both said as they turned to the building.

Taking the lead Roy headed up the stairs wanting to start with the top floor first then work down. The hallway was almost completely pitch black with thick hot smoke. The two men stuck close together as they headed down the hallway. When they reached opposite doors they would split, each one taking a side of the hall. Both men carried an ax. After knocking and yelling for anyone, if they got no answer they forced entry into the apartment and checked all the rooms of each one. It was time consuming and they were moving slow. Each door was then closed again and marked with an 'X' to show it had been swept for victims.

One by one they moved down the hallway, calling for anyone that could be left and trapped. Knocking out one apartment at a time.

"I can't see a thing Roy," Johnny called through his mask.

Roy took Johnny by the sleeve, "Come on, we're almost done on this floor. My tanks not going to last much longer."

Johnny nodded and followed his partner to the next set of doors. Six apartment sweeps later they reached the end of the hallway to find a window with bars on it. Of course the fire escape was on the other side of the bars.

Roy waved, "Back down the hall then let's get the next floor done."

They had to turn around and hurry down the long corridor back to the main building staircase. The building held an eerie silence except for the crackling of fire above them. Johnny was glad to get off that fourth floor; it was too hot and close to the fire for him. Glancing a look over at Roy he could see the sweat running down his face, like he felt it on his own. The heat was making them breath heavily, increasing their consumption of their tanks. Once down the stairs the routine started again but this time they seemed to protectively stick closer. The smoke was getting thicker and it wouldn't take much to lose sight of someone almost right next to you. The flashlights they had functioned more as homing beacons than they did actual helping to light the way.

Once again they began the split for search's and met in the center of the hallway. As they moved down to the next set of doors Johnny put his hand on Roy's shoulder. For guidance through the darkness as much as for comfort. Roy felt the hand and had to admit it was a sense of security for him also. A mutual 'we know where each is' feeling. What Roy didn't know was that Johnny had made a silent pact with himself that he would not leave this building tonight without his partner, no matter what.

Halfway down the hallway they split up. Roy went into the tiny apartment, turning over tables, looking under beds and in closets. Finding nothing he headed back out when his tank beeped low. Trying to calculate distance and amount of time used so far he determined he would have just enough air to get back out. It would be cutting it close but he should be okay.

As the two men reached the doors an explosion just behind them tossed them into the air like ragdolls.

* * *

Hank was on the HT with Marco and Chet when the blast rumbled from the structure. Knowing he still had four men in the building sent adrenaline through his body in an instant.

"CHET?"

"Yea Cap, we're alright. Sounds like it came from the third floor." Hank knew that Johnny and Roy were to cover the third and fourth floor but he wasn't sure where they were at the time of the explosion.

"HT to Gage." Come on Johnny, answer me.

"Johnny, Roy do you read?"

* * *

Roy woke up, opened his eyes and could have though he was blind but there was only complete darkness. He was flat on his back but felt something on top of him. Reaching up he tried to move it but found that pulling himself up hurt his chest. He took off his gloves and first felt his face, nothing wet so he guessed no blood. His head hurt but not horribly. Then he did a self assessment down his body, neck okay, chest, oww. Probably a broken rib or two. Then his hands found the beam, it wasn't really big so he tried to push it down some. Finding success he rolled over onto his side. Okay stomach seemed alright, both legs worked. Hmm…might actually get out of this without a trip to Rampart he thought to himself with a smile.

Knowing he could move he called out, "Johnny?" The hallway was quiet. Damn. He made it to his hands and knees and felt around when he ran right smack into the wall. Okay, now his head hurt horribly. "Johnny!" He continued to crawl around, patting the ground with his hands he continued to call for his friend. He had no idea where he was much less where Johnny might be. Then a final beep occurred from his equipment. Knowing it was now just weighing him down he pulled it off so he could get around quicker. As it slid off his face the very first breath burned his mouth, throat and lungs. He pulled his coat over his face as he moved forward again.

"Roy?"

Roy stopped moving around, "Say it again Johnny." He coughed, his lungs now burning.

This time it was louder, "Roy!"

Roy moved towards the sound, "Keep calling. I can't see a thing." He followed the voice until his hand found a boot. "Johnny?"

"Of course it's me, how many feet did you expect to find in this hallway?"

Roy laughed which made him cough again, "We'll if you can be a smart ass then I guess your okay." Roy followed the leg until he found a large chunk of debris holding him down. "Hold on." He winced as he pulled it off of him. He then could see his friend. "You okay?"

Johnny pulled himself to a sitting position just as he realized that Roy was no longer wearing his mask.

"Roy!"

He coughed more, "Tanks gone…let's get out of here."

Johnny started to take his mask off but Roy stopped him, "No, we gotta get out of here." Johnny felt for his HT, "Gage to HT." Nothing. "Gage to HT."

"It's dead," he said suddenly feeling the implication in his gut. His nightmare was coming true. "Roy take my mask." He said trying to get to his feet.

"Johnny," he started coughing violently. The thick toxic smoke now reaching the bottom depths of his lungs. "Too late… getting hard to breath. One of us…has to get…us out…" He coughed again. "Won't do us...any good...if we both...are without...air."

Every breath pulled the smoke deeper, clogging up the small lung sacs of his lungs. As each failed to exchanged oxygen his body reflexively took a deeper breath trying to find the oxygen it so greatly craved. It was a downward spiral cycle.

Johnny looked at his partner, his best friend and knew he was right. It killed him that his tank was the one working but Roy was right. One of them had to keep going and get them both out. He decided that was what he was here for tonight. To make sure that he got Roy out of this building. Got him out safely and back home to Joanne in the morning.

Johnny swept his arm under and at Roy's waist while taking his arm and putting it around his shoulders. Finding the wall Johnny lightly pressed his shoulder against it and followed it, unsure of which direction he was going. The heat grew rapidly telling him that he was heading in the wrong direction.

Roy was leaning heavier on him now, coughing almost continuously. Johnny pulled him closer scared at how quickly he was succumbing to the smoke. He turned around, shifting Roy to his other side and headed back down the hallway.

* * *

"Kelly to HT."

"Go ahead Chet, any sign of them?" Hank asked anxiously.

"Cap the 4th floor is all marked off, I think they finished it. We can't reach the third floor the ceiling collapsed and has it blocked. They must be on the other side of it."

"Okay, get out of there." Hank knew they couldn't do anything from that spot now. He was still unable to reach them by HT which was ominous to the Captain. His eyes scanned the third floor windows.

"Come on guys, where are you?"

* * *

Roy was trying to keep his feet under him, to keep up with Johnny but he was struggling for each breath now. His lungs were burning like fire and he was getting dizzy.

Johnny reached the end of the hallway to find another window with bars on it. Looking out the window he couldn't see anyone at that end of the building. He needed to get their attention. Now he knew the door to the left was the front of the building. He pushed Roy away from him, looking at his face. His color was ashen, he was now gasping.

Leaning him against the wall he used one hand to hold him up as he tried to open the door. Finding it locked he let go of Roy long enough to try and ram it with his shoulder. The locks held. Roy's knees folded and he started to head for the floor. Johnny reached out and caught him, lowering him to the floor. He needed the ax back, but it was down the hallway somewhere, knocked out of their hands in the exposion. He didn't have time to hunt it down. Looking down at Roy he found more strength and took his foot and power slammed the door, kicking it open. He scooped up Roy and pulled him over his shoulder and turned into the small apartment.

He went straight for the old worn out couch and placed Roy on it. He was now unconscious, his breathing ragged. Johnny turned and went to close the door back, pulling a blanket from the back of a chair to shove under the door trying to block the smoke. He returned to Roy and taking his mask off placed it on him.

"Come on Roy, take some breaths for me. Please," Johnny begged him. But then Johnny's tank also beeped. They were both on their own. Johnny went to the front window and could see the fire trucks below and all the men running around but he knew they couldn't see him in the dark. He grabbed a chair from the kitchen table and shoved it against the window has hard as he could, shattering the glass. Sticking his arm out through the bars he yelled for help.

* * *

Chet and Marco came out of the building hauling hose and butt. They went straight to the engine, "Any word from Johnny and Roy?"

Hank shook his head at Chet, "Nothing. Chief has ordered the building evacuated. That roof is starting to go." Their hearts were heavy, knowing their friends were still inside and they couldn't do anything yet.

"CAP!"

They all turned to see Mike pointing at the window on the third floor. It was them. Hank picked up the HT, "HT to Battalion."

"Go ahead Hank."

"Our men, there in the third floor window, last one on the left." Hank was pointing with all his might, like the Chief could see him through the HT.

Suddenly a spot light found the flailing arms. Hank grabbed the bullhorn from the Engine cab.

"Gage, DeSoto we see you. Hold on, we're on the way." He turned to Mike, "Mike get the saw, we're gonna have to get those bars off to get them out." He then took a deep breath. They had found them and at least they were safe for now.

* * *

Johnny, after being blinded by the spotlight listened to his Captains call. It was a great relief to know they were on the way. For now he just had to keep Roy going until they could get him out of here. He went back over to the couch and knelt down beside him.

"Roy." But Roy was now quiet; there were no more ragged breaths to be heard. Johnny pulled his turn out coat open and placed his hand on his abdomen. Looking into his face he could see his blue lips.

"Oh God Roy, don't do this to me."

Johnny leaned over and began the mouth to mouth rescue breathing and prayed they would hurry to save them.


	6. Chapter 6

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Fear makes us feel our humanity." Benjamin Disraeli._

* * *

Chapter 6

Johnny gave several breaths then reached to Roy's neck to count his pulse. He repositioned his fingers.

"Please Roy, don't do this to me!" He begged. Johnny stood and taking his shoulders pulled him down to the ground, guarding his head from hitting the floor. Taking a deep breath to steady his pounding heart Johnny clasped his hands together and began compressing his friend's chest.

Breath…breath…compressions…

"Come on Roy, don't give up on me."

Johnny started coughing. The smoke was much less in the apartment, especially with the window ventilating now but still enough to make him cough.

Breath…breath…compressions…

"How am I going to explain this to Joanne? Huh?"

"I know you're as stubborn as a mule when you want to be damn it. Fight!"

Breath…breath…compressions…

"Please…" He could now hear the flurry of activity below.

* * *

Mike grabbed his gloves, goggles, and saw then jogged over to the ladder truck. Mike waited with baited breath as he looked to the open window. They hadn't seen any more activity since it was broken out. They assumed the men were staying low to the ground to avoid as much smoke as possible.

* * *

Breath…breath…compressions…

"You have to plan that vacation with the kids."

"I think you should let Joanne win the choice this time."

Breath…breath…compressions…

"Come on guys, we need you."

* * *

Mike climbed into the basket and held on as it slowly lifted towards the window. He held his goggles so tight he almost broke them so he forced himself to take a good deep breath. They were almost to the medics and it was going to be okay now.

The basket came up from underneath the window. As more of the room came into his view the other fireman with him, from 86, shined a light into the little apartment. Mike froze with horror as he realized that Johnny was kneeling on the floor, doing CPR on Roy.

* * *

Breath…breath…compressions…

Johnny saw the light and looked up. It took him a moment to adjust to the light then he saw Mike.

"Roy, they're here. The guys found us."

* * *

Hank, Marco and Chet stood below beside the engine while they waited on Mike. Hank had seen movement in the room so he kept telling himself that they were okay but something felt wrong now.

They watched as Mike approached the window but they were disturbed by the look on Mikes face when they saw him look inside. Mike looked down at them with a look of alarm that shook them to the core.

"What was that about Cap?" Marco asked anxiously.

"I don't know," Hank's internal unease was growing rapidly at this point as he watched Mike begin to cut the bars.

* * *

Breath…breath…compressions…

_Cough…cough…cough…_

"Come on Mike, I don't know how much longer I can do this." Johnny was becoming quickly exhausted but he wasn't giving up yet.

* * *

From below they watched the bars fall pretty quickly, one at a time, bouncing wildly on the ground as they hit. Mike turned the saw off and lowered his goggles. They watched him lean into the window while waiting with baited breath to see their two friends jump out of the window.

"Johnny!"

Breath…breath…compressions…

_Cough…cough…cough…_

"JOHNNY!" Mike yelled.

Johnny looked up and realized the bars were gone and Mike was waiting on him. Mike felt so much empathy for the young man knowing how devastating it was to him. He climbed in the window and took Roy up over his shoulder then reached down to help Johnny to his feet. Johnny's exhaustion was now becoming apparent as he struggled to get his leg over the window frame. Baker reached into the window to help the fellow fireman out.

They wondered why Mike climbed into the window but they knew it meant they were unable to get out on their own accord. Hank knew the long lanky legs that climbed out first belonged to Johnny. His face was drawn and pale, they could see him coughing but at least he was okay.

But what transpired next knocked the breath out of their lungs as they watched Mike climb out with Roy's unconscious body over his shoulder. And if that wasn't enough their hearts sank when they watched Mike lay him down in the basket and Johnny begin compressions on him.

"God no, not Roy," Chet whispered.

Hank felt frozen in place. "Boxes," was all he could get out.

Chet and Marco headed for the Squad in a dead run.

By the time the basket inched its way down to the ground Marco and Chet had returned with all the paramedic supplies. When it was close enough they rushed to it and worked on getting Roy down to the ground.

Hank took Johnny's arm to steady him as he climbed out, he could see the tears in his eyes. Johnny methodically moved down to resume the compressions but felt Mike gently move him over so he could take over the grueling task, knowing how exhausted he was. Marco took over the ventilations as he placed the mask on Roy's face.

Chet opened up Roy's shirt and began placing leads on his chest while Johnny opened up the drug box.

Hank opened up the biophone, "Squad 51 to Rampart, do you read?"

"Go ahead 51," it was Dr. Brackett's voice.

"Rampart, we have a injuried fireman with severe smoke inhalation," Hank began while watching Johnny get IV supplies ready. He was intent on his task but his gaze was vacant.

Hank continued, "He is 30 years old. Rampart he is full arrest, we are doing CPR at this time."

Chet hooked up the monitor and they all felt the impact of the flatline on the screen. Next Chet helped Johnny get the fluids ready to go.

"We are sending you a strip on Lead 2."

"Affirmative 51." Brackett could feel the stress on the other end of the radio. They were running a code on one of their own men which was never easy. His unspoken concern was that it wasn't Johnny or Roy on the radio but Captain Stanley.

"51, Give epinephrine now followed by 2 amps of Sodium Bicarb. Place an esophageal airway and continue ventilations."

"10-4 Epinephrine and 2 amps sodium bicarb with esophageal airway."

Johnny got the IV on the first attempt then administered the medications. There was no change in the asystole.

"51, repeat epi as IC."

Johnny opened up the new syringe and after confirming his landmark he inserted the needle into his heart, giving the medication."

Now the monitor showed V-fib, Johnny moved faster now. Roy's heart was now reacting to something. Charging the paddles he heard the order to shock him.

"Clear," he yelled as he sent the voltage into his heart trying to shock it back to a normal rhythm.

"Come on Roy," Johnny said to himself.

"Again 51," Brackett's voice demanded.

"Clear."

They all watched the monitor, almost afraid to breath. Then his rhythm returned, slow at first but it quickly gained strength.

"51, begin a Lidocaine drip. Run your fluids at D5LR, KVO and transport as soon as possible."

What the team didn't realize, until they heard a collective breath of relief, was that many of the firemen at the scene were standing around them, silently and collectively willing Roy to live. Even the Chief nodded his head with unspoken support. He then reached down and lightly patted Johnny on the back, "Good job Gage." Johnny tried to smile but he focused his energy on keeping Roy alive. He was back, his heart was beating again but there were many more unanswered questions now about his survival. He finished his assessment quickly on Roy finding the earlier injury from the explosion. Telling Hank they passed the rib injuries along with other scattered bumps and bruises.

With all his lines in place and his airway secured Hank helped to load Roy into the back of the ambulance. He turned to Johnny before he climbed in, "How long?" They were simple words but the inference could be life altering for Roy. Johnny's eyes told Hank of the deep heart wrenching truth.

"Too long," he whispered.

AN: CPR cycles have changed several times over the last few decades and despite research I couldn't find the exact compressions to breaths ratio for the mid 70s. So I chose to be a little more vague. Of course fewer compressions to breaths means more cycles in a minute. Consider that when you think about how long Roy was down. Thanks.


	7. Chapter 7

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear." George S Patton._

* * *

Chapter 7

Johnny monitored the fluids, rechecked his blood pressure, tucked in the blanket and in general fretted over Roy. His heart wanted to jump out and scream with joy that Roy was alive again but the medic in him knew he was down for a while and deep down he was afraid too long. He watched as the ambulance attendant continued the rhythmic ventilations.

_I told you we'd make it out of that building didn't I partner. I wasn't leaving you behind. You make fun of my hunches but this time I'm going to be right._ He leaned back in the seat. _I'm in some deep deep hot water over this one Roy. So you have to come back from this one or Jo will never forgive me._

* * *

Joe and Dixie came off the elevator to see Kelly pacing at the nurse's station. It had been an unusually quiet night around the ER.

"What's wrong Kel?" Dixie asked.

"We have a fireman coming in. He was in full arrest but they got him back. Should be here any minute."

Joe saw the tension in Dixie's body, "Kel, who is it?"

He shook his head, "I don't know, but 51 called it in."

They looked up to see the orderlies heading towards the doors and the three moved down there with them as they watched the ambulance back in. It was always a moment of internal tension as the doors opened and they wondered what kind of patient they were going to get. But this was different. Did they know them? Was it one of the 51 family? The doors opened and like a scene moving in slow motion they looked up to the haunted and red eyes of Johnny. There was a split second of relief for them all until they saw the stretcher lowered and they looked at the shocky face of Roy.

"Treatment 2," Dixie said even though she wasn't sure Johnny was hearing anyone right now. She couldn't imagine what this was doing to him, how hard it was on him to run the code on someone as important to him as Roy was.

* * *

The 51 Engine crew packed up and climbed into the engine with silence, no one knew what to say. It was bad and they knew it. They had seen the look on Johnny's face, the look of defeat like he had already lost his best friend.

"LA, Station 51, 10-8 to Rampart."

"10-4, 51."

"Let's go Mike," Hank said as he leaned back in the cab, wondering if they had seen Roy alive for the last time already.

* * *

Johnny helped move Roy onto the treatment table, move his IV over and hook him up to the monitor. He stood at the side of his bed, in a state of shock, as Joe replaced his airway with an endotrachael tube and placed him on the ventilator. He began coughing and Dixie took him by the arm to guide him out but his feet were well planted.

"No Dix. Not this time. I'm not leaving."

Dixie wasn't really surprised. This was the worst that any of them had seen Roy before. It was understandable that Johnny would insist on staying by his side. "Then sit here." She led him to a chair over by the wall and placed an oxygen mask on him. He didn't resist her as the oxygen eased the burning of his own lungs. She ran her hand down the back of his head, like a mother consoling her child who wanted to so much take all the pain away.

As he started to relax the monitor alarmed. Once again Roy was in full arrest. The team worked quickly and efficiently administering medications and performing CPR and they were able to quickly get his heart going again this time. Dixie kept her eye on Johnny, his breathing had eased but his color and blank stare revealed his state of shock to them all. She stuck her head outside the door and was relieved to see the Engine crew had arrived.

"Joe?" Dixie said quietly as she pulled him to the side.

"Yea Dix?"

She motioned over to Johnny, "I'm worried about Johnny, can you check him over for me?"

Joe looked over at the young man sitting hunched over in the chair. His color washed out, his eyes engulfed with sadness, focused on Roy.

"Put him in room 3."

Dixie shook her head, "Joe he won't go. He's not going to leave Roy."

Joe understood and walked over to Johnny with her. She knelt down beside him and lifted the oxygen mask off his face. He knew she was checking his blood pressure and pulse. His eyes made contact with Joes and he leaned back in the chair to be examined. He didn't have the energy to protest especially knowing that they were just concerned about him too. Joe listened to his lungs, checked his pupil response, palpated his abdomen and looked over his vital signs. Convinced that he was in no immediate danger Joe released him to Dixie's tender care for right now. "I want to check him again after we get Roy settled in upstairs Dix."

"Johnny, the rest of the guys are here. Can you update them for me? They need to know what's going on okay?" She took his arm to help him stand.

His eyes met hers, "What am I gonna tell um?"

She looked back to the beaten down body of someone she cared deeply about too, "He's going up to the ICU soon. He's critical Johnny but right now his vitals are stable." She gently guided him to the door as she talked and this time he allowed it. With one last glance back to his brother Johnny left the room to the fallen faces of his shift mates. Hank watched him leave the room with Dixie's help and took his arm from her as they sat him down in one of the chairs.

Hank had never seen Johnny like this and it scared him. Did he need to be in a treatment room of his own? "Dixie? Is he okay?" He said as he knelt down in front of him and looked at the emptiness in his eyes.

"He's in a state of shock Hank. Here's a blanket for him, keep him warm and I will be back to recheck his vital signs soon."

Hank stood back up, "Roy?"

She shook her head sadly, "He coded again after he got here. His vitals are stable for right now but he's critical. We'll be moving him up to the ICU soon. Kel will be out to talk to you guys in a little bit."

"Thanks Dix," he said as he placed the blanket around Johnny's shoulders.

Chet came over and placed a cup of coffee in Johnny's hand. He looked up to see how drawn his features were then glanced around the room to realize they were all hurting, just like he was.

"Thanks Chet," he said softly.

Hank sat down beside him, "John what happened in there?"

He leaned back in the chair and pulled the blanket around him. He had been replaying the whole thing in his head over and over since leaving the scene. "We got trapped by the explosion and his tank ran out. I tried to get him to take my mask but he wouldn't. He just kept saying one of us had to keep going to get us out."

"He was right John," Hank said.

The others sat quietly and listened as their friend shared his pain.

"The smoke, it was so thick, and it got to him pretty quick. Within just a few minutes he was having a lot of trouble breathing. He apparently got hurt in the explosion too. He never even told me. The HT didn't work and the smoke was making it hard to find a way out." He sat forward and ran his fingers through his thick dark hair. "By the time we got into the apartment he was…he was gasping."

Mike stared at the wall; this was too much for him. It was Roy they were talking about. The steadfast one, the one who was always there for everyone else.

"After I broke out the window I went back to check on him and he was already gone. It all happened so quick," he shook his head. "I started CPR right away but it wasn't working. I think the chest injury made it hard for him to handle the smoke." He quietly wiped the tears away.

They all looked up to see Joanne come in the door. God, he had forgotten about Joanne. He looked into her eyes and winced at the look she gave him. Hank stood up and walked over to her, "Joanne, we're waiting to hear from the doctor." She walked past him over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. Hank knew she would take this hard based on Roy's descriptions of her reactions in the last week. He decided to give her a little space for right now while they waited.

But standing not far behind them Dixie heard Johnny's story and shed her own tears for him and for Roy. But what upset her was the look that Joanne gave Johnny when she came in the door. That wasn't a look of an upset wife; it was anger, maybe even blame. She looked up to see Kel and Joe coming out of Roy's room and head to the waiting room.

Hank saw them first and stood up, followed by Johnny and the others.

Joe and Brackett decided to address the whole room; they were all family here and would want to know what was going on. "His condition has stabilized. He took in a lot of smoke and we're not sure right now about how much damage it has done to his lungs. He has 3 broken ribs and a collapsed lung which we have treated. As for the cardiac arrest's it has taken a toll on his whole body and only time will tell us how he will come back from all this." He paused and took a deep breath. "We'll move him up to the ICU shortly. You can see him briefly but after that he needs to rest."

Hank stepped forward and shook both doctors' hands, "Thank you doc. We appreciate everything you are doing for him."

"You're welcome Hank but you know Roy means a lot to us too here," Brackett said.

"Thank Johnny here. He's the one who administered CPR right away and saved his life," Joe said.

Hank gave a big yes nod to that; they all knew what he did to save his friend this night. They watched the doctors go back down the hallway.

"Cap?"

"Yea Chet."

"Did you notice that?"

Hank shrugged not sure what Chet was referring too.

"Joanne, she never even asked about Roy."

Hank looked over to see her leaning against the furthest wall. He bet that the doctors didn't even realize she was here. As he walked over to talk to her he watched her stand up straight and tense up.

"Don't Hank," she said abruptly. "I can't talk about this right now." She darted around him and ran out the back ER doors. Mike started to go after her but Hank caught his arm.

"I'll go check on her. I need you guys to watch Johnny." Mike looked over to see that Johnny had moved to the wall outside Roy's door and slid down into a crouched position, his head in his hands.

* * *

Mike, Chet and Marco moved over to be with Johnny while Hank headed out into the parking lot to find Joanne. Looking around the dark lot he found her leaning against her car. She was still very upset; he could see that and chose to approach her slowly.

"Joanne?"

She looked up at him and suddenly he realized she wasn't grieving, she was furious. "I don't want to talk about this right now Hank."

"I know you're upset but Roy needs you right now," he said in a calm quiet voice.

"Needs me? Don't pretend to think you know what it's like to be his wife," she said as she stormed past him.

What the hell was that all about? His mind was reeling at her anger. Who was she mad at here? He followed her back into the waiting room. Chet and Mike flanked Johnny's side as they came in the doors. Johnny stood up and took a couple of steps towards Joanne. He had to face her, had to tell her he was sorry for not being a better partner to Roy, allowing him to get hurt so bad. However, her icy glare at him stopped him cold in his tracks as if an arrow had been shot through his very heart. He tried to take a step backwards but faltered and Mike caught his arm. He also caught the look that Joanne gave him. They all did.

Dixie came out of the room and served as a distraction to everyone in a moment of extreme tension. She stood beside Roy's gurney as the orderlies pushed it out. Looking over to Joanne, "Joanne you can come see him as soon as we have him in his room, okay?" She didn't get a response verbal or emotional. "Do you know where to go?"

"Of course, I'll be upstairs." With that she turned and left them all in her wake, never even looking at Roy.


	8. Chapter 8

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have." Ring Lardner._

_Thanks to everyone for taking the time to let me know what you think. Keep the reviews coming, they make all the difference :)_

* * *

Chapter 8

Johnny knew all along that Joanne would blame him for what happened and now it was confirmed by the look she just gave him. It was his job to keep Roy safe and he had failed both of them miserably this time. Now she would probably shut him out of her life and probably Roy's but he still had to tell her how sorry he was. How he tried so hard to get Roy out for her. He knew she wouldn't understand but it was something he felt he needed to do. Maybe after a while she would find a way to forgive him, to maybe let him be a part of their lives again. He would miss them so much, maybe more than he could handle. But he wouldn't think about that right now. It was just too hard to think about not having them in his life anymore. Right now he just had to talk to her, to tell her how sorry he was for letting this happen.

He let Mike and Chet guide him into the elevator and upstairs to the ICU waiting room. His only hope now was that he would get to see Roy again, if Joanne would allow him.

* * *

Before the others arrived Dixie called Joanne into Roy's room to be with him. She stood inside the doorway and paused. Roy was in a coma, the machines surrounded him making beeps and buzzes that assaulted her senses immediately. Dixie took her arm and guided her to the side of his bed.

"He's not breathing on his own right now; the ventilator is doing all the work for him. We want his lungs to rest and heal." Dixie was concerned because Joanne didn't even try to touch him, to hold his hand.

"Don't be afraid of him Joanne. He needs to know you're here," she told her hoping to encourage her to make some form of contact with him. Any contact.

"Dixie, is he going to make it?" She said quietly while she looked at him. It didn't even look like her Roy.

"Jo, he's strong and healthy…"

"Dix," Joanne turned and locked eyes with her.

"We don't know. He's very sick. The next 24 hours will be critical."

* * *

Hank paced the waiting room trying to process the last few hours and to figure out how everything went to hell. Chet, Marco, and Mike stayed close to Johnny as he had gone back into a blank, empty stare. Hank looked up to see Joanne come out of Roy's room and pause outside the door before coming down to the waiting room.

He walked up to her but stopped when she put her hands up, "Don't Hank. I can't do this."

Seeing that she was overwhelmed he wanted her to know they would be there for them. "Joanne, we're her for you and Roy. For anything you need. You know that right?"

"No Hank, I mean I can't do _this_ anymore." She slowly shook her head then looked over to the group of men. She focused on Johnny. "He considers all of you his family. That was really made clear to me this week."

"Joanne, he loves you," Hank said trying to figure out what she was talking about. He looked up to see Dixie standing behind them.

"Yes." She paused, "I know he loves me but this…I just can't take it anymore." She looked at Hank, no longer angry as her eyes softened and tears started to form. "I can't…I can't be a fireman's wife anymore."

Hank just stared at her in disbelief at what he was hearing. At a loss for words, he looked over to see Chet and the others who were now on their feet, including Johnny.

Johnny moved over to her. "Jo, don't do this. Roy needs you now more than ever," he said softly taking her arms, wanting to hug her and console her. He loved her, she was his family and he didn't want her to hurt anymore.

But she couldn't handle what was going on suddenly felt a need to run. To get as far away as possible. Feeling like she was being held in place she pushed Johnny away. He was so startled by her response that he stumbled backwards, getting tangled in his blanket and lost his footing, hitting the floor. Chet was immediately at his side kneeling down beside him making sure to not take his eyes off Joanne.

She looked down at him with tears in her eyes knowing deep down that she had really hurt him. But other feelings were pushing their way to the surface, anger, blame, resentment. Then she looked in his eyes and took a deep breath, "You're the closest thing he has ever had to a brother and he trusts you with his life. Take care of him Johnny." She looked at all of them, "You guys have been his family for a long time and now I know you will be there for him. I'm sorry."

Before they could recover from what she was saying she turned and got on the elevator. As the doors closed they could see the tears running down her face.

Johnny lightly pushed Chet's hands away and walked past Hank and Dixie into Roy's room leaving the stunned crew and Dixie to deal with what just happened.

* * *

"Cap, how can she do that?" Marco was bewildered.

Mike was shocked, "She just left him?"

Hank had to get some type of control, and fast. He didn't want the fellows talking about it when Johnny was within earshot. He couldn't take it right now. Turning to them, "This won't be discussed here. Right now our priority is Roy."

* * *

The room now empty Johnny moved over to Roy's side. He looked so different all hooked up to the monitors and IV's, so invaded. So alone. Taking the chair in the room he pulled it up beside the bed and sat down on the edge of the seat to talk to his friend.

"God Roy, what am I supposed to tell you? How can I ever tell you what just happened? I just don't know Roy. I don't know how you're going to get through this without her. But I'll tell ya one thing. Joanne was right about us being your family too and I can promise you that me and the guys won't walk out on you." He leaned in closer to Roy, "We're going to see you through this buddy."

* * *

"How's our patient doing Dix?" Joe asked her as he approached the nurse's station.

"Depends on which patient you're referring to?" There was no inflection to her voice, she was tired and still in a state of disbelief over what had happened earlier.

"We'll let's check on them both." He could see that Dixie was upset about what had happened to Roy. He put his hand on her shoulder as they walked down to the room. He glanced into the waiting room to see the Engine crew still waiting and smiled. They were a tight crew, more so than any other one he had seen. Roy was lucky to have such good friends by his side. Only thing was, he didn't know how much he would need them to get through this.

They came into the room and found Johnny sleeping in the chair. Dixie went to his side and swept her fingers tenderly across his forehead, pushing the dark curls from his face. He opened up his eyes and sat up in the chair, "Hey Dix."

"I just want to get some vitals on you, okay? Then you can go back to sleep," she said soothingly to him.

"Okay." He looked like a little child just woken up from a disturbing dream.

Joe leaned down, "How's your breathing Johnny?" He listened to his lungs.

He just nodded, "Better, I'm not coughing anymore. How's Roy doing?"

Joe moved to check on Roy next. Johnny got up and stood beside the bed, intently watching everything that Joe did. "He's stable right now Johnny. We will keep him in a drug induced coma for now and give his body some time to recover. You should go home and get some rest yourself."

Johnny looked at him like he had lost his mind. Leave? He had to be kidding. It would take an act of congress to get him to move from this spot anytime soon. Sitting back down in the chair he looked over to Dixie for support.

"I'll get you a pillow," she said and smiled knowing he wasn't going anywhere. Joe thought about protesting but the look that Dixie shot him made him think better of it.

* * *

Hank saw Joe coming down the hallway as he left the ICU area. He came up to the weary looking crew seeing a couple of them sleeping in the chairs. "Hank."

"Doc. How's he doing?"

Joe smiled, "Depends on which patient you're asking about. Roy is stable. Johnny seems to be doing better although I think he needs to go home and get some rest but he's protesting."

Hank arched his eyebrows, "Honestly doc I wouldn't expect anything less from him after what he's been through tonight. Can he stay for a while?"

"Of course, Dixie is already trying to put him to bed for a while. We'll let you know if anything changes, for either of them."

"Thanks doc. We will head out, our shift is almost over and we need to get the equipment back. We'll be back soon. Dixie has my number if you need anything before then."

Hank moved over to his sleeping men and worked on waking them up. The sun was coming up and he knew they had to get back. He was thankful to the Chief for letting them stay the rest of the night at the hospital with Roy. Marco, Mike and Chet stood up and stretched out their sore muscles from trying to catch some zzz's in the chairs.

"Let's check on Johnny and Roy before we head out," Hank said.

Hank opened the door quietly in hopes of not disturbing anyone and was glad he did. They filed in the room to find Johnny sound asleep in the chair, resting on the pillow Dixie had given him. He was still in his turnout clothes but Hank wasn't about to wake him up at this point. He needed the sleep. They all silently checked on Roy, telling him goodbye for now then filed out to go home. Knowing that the crew had a lot they would need to talk about and vent he decided to have them over to his house for lunch. Luckily this was their three day weekend stretch off, giving them time to gather their thoughts and giving Hank time to try to help Joanne through this crisis.

Change of shift was quiet amongst the men as they reported off and headed home for some rest. Hank updated the oncoming Captain regarding what had happened to Roy but chose to leave out the incident with Joanne for now. Last thing he needed was this type of personal family crisis flying through the district like wildfire. He climbed into his truck and drove home in his own state of silence.


	9. Chapter 9

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_"Blessed is the leader who seeks the best for those he serves." Tao Tzu._

* * *

Chapter 9

Mike, Marco, Chet and Hank sat around the kitchen table at Hank's house trying to decide how to start the conversation. They had all gone home for a while but rest had seemed to elude all of them. Hank's wife Emily brought them some sandwiches, chips, and drinks, then closed the door to give the men some privacy.

"I just can't believe she just up and walked out on him like that," Chet was up and pacing the room now. He didn't know Joanne real well, meeting her at occasional gatherings at the DeSoto's home. She was always a gracious hostess with a big welcoming smile.

"Everyone reacts to tragedy different. We all know that she took the deaths at the Pasadena fire hard. Apparently harder than even Roy realized," Hank said.

But Chet was mad, "It's still not right Cap. What she did not only hurt Roy but it hurt Johnny too. You saw what she did to him."

Marco stood up, "Oh Amigo, I don't agree with what she did but Cap is right. She's upset." Marco shook his head. "Why now? Cap. Roy needs her right now."

"Who's going to tell him Cap?" Mike said quietly.

Hank just shrugged his tired shoulders, "I think we have to see if Roy makes it first, then we will figure that out." He stood up now, "I'll go find her and talk to her. For right now I'm worried about Johnny."

"I don't think I've ever seen that look in Johnny's eyes before. What she did really hurt him," Mike said.

Hank looked at his men and could see that they all felt betrayed by what had happened. It was as if it had surely happened to them personally. But then he knew how tight this crew was. If they were taking it this hard he couldn't imagine what Johnny was going through right now.

"I think we're agreed that Johnny will need a lot of support through this," Hank said. "I know he's not going to leave the hospital so we need to get some clothes to him today."

"I'll do that Cap," Chet spoke up. "I'll run by his apartment and take him some things."

"Thanks buddy. Emily and I will make sure he has food," Hank added.

"I'll get his Rover to him Cap, in case he needs it."

"Thanks Mike," Hank said. "Let's make sure Johnny has what he needs for right now."

"What if Roy doesn't make it through this Cap?" Mike said sadly.

"I don't want to think about that Mike. We have to have faith that Roy can come back from this." But Hank was already thinking about it, that Roy might not survive this. His own anger was being held at bay but if Roy doesn't survive after she walked out on him there might not be any more holding back from him. "Let's focus on Roy and Johnny right now. I'll be back at the hospital in a couple of hours if anyone wants to join me."

Everyone nodded anxiously that yes they would definitely be there. So they parted ways with each having a personal mission to accomplish before regrouping again.

* * *

Dixie came in to check on her boys and found both were resting quietly. She took Roy's hand in hers feeling immeasurable sadness for him. What she wouldn't do to see those beautiful baby blues of his smiling at her again.

"Is he okay?"

She looked over and smiled at the other one that meant so much to her, "He's okay Johnny, I was just checking on him."

Johnny mumbled something then was back to sleep quickly. Dixie smiled softly at him, tucked Roy's blanket in around him then headed back out to the nurses's station. She hadn't told anyone about what had happened. Honestly she didn't how she felt about it herself. She didn't know Joanne real well and really didn't know anything about their relationship. But there was a part of her that felt what she did was unforgivable. Leaving your husband was one thing but to leave him when he's in a life and death situation? How could anyone be so cold and uncaring? Looking up to see Kelly approaching the desk she decided she needed to talk to someone.

"Kel?"

"Ya, Dix."

"Can you spare a few minutes? I need to talk to you about something."

The look on her face told him that something was distressing her and he needed to take the time for her, "Sure, let's go to my office."

* * *

Hank pulled into the driveway of the modest little house. Taking a deep breath he climbed out of his truck and walked down the little walkway to the front porch. When he opened up the screen door to knock he saw the envelope with his name on it. Taking it down he hesitated at opening it knowing it wasn't going to tell him anything that he or Roy would want to hear.

_Dear Hank,_

_I assumed you would be the one to come looking for me first. I am sorry for the way I handled things this morning but what I said was truly how I felt. I just cannot be there for Roy anymore. I know that you and the others will be there to help him get through this. When he asks for me please tell him that I love him and I will never keep Jenny and Chris from him. He is a wonderful father. I know that you and the others probably hate me for what I have done. All I can say is that I am sorry. I have gone to stay with family for now. Take care of him._

_Joanne_

Hank sat down in the chair on the front porch and looked out into the well groomed yard. Jenny's little pink bike was lying in the grass along with Chris's football and skate board. Hank closed the letter and put it in his pocket with a deep sigh. Climbing back into his truck he looked at Roy's house and felt profound sadness for what Roy would come to home. If he came home at all.

* * *

The men gathered in the waiting room once again. They sipped on coffee and waited for Dixie to come back and tell them they were able to go see Roy.

"You okay Chet?" Marco asked the pacing man.

Chet grumbled under his breath something about Joanne that Marco decided he would electively ignore, "Can you please relax man?"

"Relax? You have to be kidding. Everything is falling apart and you want me to relax?"

Hank moved up to him, "Stop pacing and sit down. Wearing a hole in the floor won't change anything. We'll get to see Roy in just a minute."

Chet knew that tone of voice, "Yes Cap."

Before he could sit Dixie came up to them, "Okay you fellows can come in now two at a time." As Hank and Mike came by her she stopped them, "Hank?"

"Yes?"

"I haven't been able to get Johnny to leave the room to eat or anything," she said.

He smiled, "I'll take care of it. How's Roy this afternoon?"

"He's been stable. Earlier he had some problems with his blood pressure but the medication we put him seems to be helping. Go on in," she said.

Hank and Mike went in to find Johnny sitting beside Roy's bed, curled up in the chair. He looked up and unfolded himself when he heard them come in, "Cap, Mike." His voice was tired, devoid of much emotion.

Mike handed him a bag, "Chet grabbed you some clean clothes from your place and made sure Maxie was fed."

"Thanks Mike. I admit, I forgot about the little critter," Johnny said thinking about the little black kitten that Jenny had given him last month. Jenny. He wondered where she was now then he looked at Roy. Every time he thought about it his heart broke again. Would Roy lose those two precious children?

"Johnny," Hank said noticing that he had zoned out again on them.

Brought back to the present Johnny stood up and took the bag, "I'll change in a little while."

"No, you'll change now. Dix said you could use the doctor's locker room to shower and clean up. After that go get something to eat." He could see Johnny was going to protest. "It's not a request, you're filthy and the nurse's are beginning to complain, go shower and don't come back until you've eaten."

Johnny looked at Roy.

"He's not going anywhere John, we'll stay right here with him until you get back," Mike said with a concerned smile.

He conceded, taking the bag of clothes he left for the shower.

* * *

Johnny stared at the image before him in the mirror and didn't like him. Rubbing his face he decided to not shave, it didn't matter anyway. "You did it this time Gage, you blew it."

He was startled by the voice behind him, "This wasn't your fault John." He saw Hank come in behind him.

"If I had gotten him out sooner."

"You got him out, that's what's important John."

"Joanne…"

"That was her decision and that's not the kind of decision that just suddenly happens. Something has been going on between them for a while I suspect and this was just the last straw."

"But now, how could she walk out on him now? Not even knowing if he would live through the night?"

"We may never know the answer to that. But it was her choice, you didn't make her do to it anymore than I did," Hank said trying desperately to reach through this young man's grief.

"I should get back," Johnny said as he gathered up his stuff.

Hank knew better, "Not till you've had something to eat. Chet is going to take you down to the cafeteria."

Johnny just sighed knowing he wouldn't get past the Cap on this thing. The quicker he got it over with the sooner he could get back upstairs.

* * *

Brackett and Early came into the room to do an afternoon check on their patient to find Mike and Hank sitting with him.

"Hank, Mike," Joe said, getting them as they scooted out of the way for him.

"Doc," Hank answered. "Anything new doc?"

"Well he's made it through the first few hours without major complications, that's a good sign. His x-ray this morning shows the collapsed lung is healing well. I think that lung being down will be to his benefit through this."

Hank looked confused, how could a collapsed lung be a good thing?

"By the way his x-ray looks I bet his lung was down before he started eating all that smoke. Once get got it aspirated and back up it didn't have the shock of the toxic smoke in it."

"So that will help him get better faster?" Mike asked.

"It just might. Time will tell," Brackett said knowing they were looking for every ounce of hope there was.

Hank followed the doctors out of the room to allow Mike and Marco some time with Roy before Johnny and Chet came back. Once outside the room Brackett pulled him aside wanting to talk to him about what happened with Joanne.

"Hank, Dixie told me about what happened yesterday."

Hank hung his head down, "We were all shocked by it."

"So it's true, she just left?" Brackett couldn't believe it, surely they were misreading her and she was just upset.

"I even went by the house before coming her to talk to her but she had already left."

Dixie came up to them, hearing the conversation. "Maybe I can go and talk to her when I get off."

Hank shook his head, "No, I mean she's gone. She packed up the kids and left town. She left me a note. I don't think she has any intention on coming back."

"She hasn't even called to see if he made it through the night or not," Dixie said, seeing the shock register in the men's faces.

Dixie looked up then to see Johnny watching them, gaped mouthed.

"Johnny," Hank said.

Johnny pushed past them and went back into Roy's room.

"Damn." Hank said it but they all felt the same sentiment.


	10. Chapter 10

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Whoso loves, believes the impossible." Elizabeth Barret Browning_

* * *

Chapter 10

Johnny went back into the room. He didn't mean to eavesdrop but he managed to hear about Joanne packing up and leaving. His emotions where in turmoil again. First he was so sure that Joanne blamed him for everything that happened when Roy was hurt this week. He was sure there was anger in her eyes. But now it seemed that she just gave up on him. Joanne was really gone. It was hard for him to believe it. A part of him held out that she would turn the car around and come running back into his best friend's arms. But that little dark spot down deep knew that it wasn't going to happen. At least not anytime soon. That meant that Roy would need his A-shift family more than ever.

He looked up to see Hank come back in the room.

"You okay John?"

"Sure Cap," he said. Yea, he was okay. He now knew where he stood and what he needed to do. The crooked smile he flashed told the Captain that he would be okay.

* * *

After that initial twenty four hours things started to settle down and become a routine for the crew. Johnny stayed with Roy. Chet took care of his place and wound up taking the kitten home with him until Johnny was back in his apartment. Mike and Hank made sure he left the room daily long enough to eat and freshen up. The routine continued while they waited. Waited for Roy to improve and wake up.

Day five was greeted by rain filled skies and the engine crew having to return to work. Each one came by on the way and checked on their friends before beginning the long shift. Johnny's day comprised of sitting and reading, maybe some TV, then the occasional meal that Dixie, Hank or Mike forced him to eat. It was dinner time and Johnny was busy watching the news when an alarm on Roy's monitor made him jump out of his skin. The sound was piercing and made his heart race as he come out of the chair and ran to his bedside. Roy seemed quiet, his color was okay. He watched at two nurses ran in and began checking the monitors. Finally after what seemed to be an eternity the screaming sound stopped.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a panic.

"I'm not sure Johnny, it's the ventilator alarming. I'm going to call the respiratory therapists real quick," she said as she ran out the door. The other nurse disconnected the ventilator and using the ambu bag began giving him breaths. Johnny's eyes scanned the monitors over and over, watching for anything that indication that he was…well dying. But the monitors stayed steady leaving Johnny confused.

Within a minute the respiratory therapist came running in and began doing a system check on the ventilator. He stood and shook his head. "I can't find anything wrong. Put him back on."

Johnny was concerned. If something was wrong then why use the same machine? He waited with baited breath as the nurse stopped bagging him and placed him back on. They watched the machine anxiously when the alarm sounded again.

Johnny about jumped out of his skin again, "What's wrong with that?" He was about to demand they replace the machine when he saw a smile break out on the man's face. "What?"

"I know what's wrong now," he said to Johnny. "Look."

Johnny watched him point to Roy. Johnny looked at his face then followed his fingers. He looked at Roy and saw he was still quiet, not moving. Wait, he was moving. His chest, it had a gentle rise and fall to it. Roy was breathing on his own. Johnny looked up at the nurse and RT like a little kid that had just gotten the best Christmas present even. Roy was breathing.

"Get Brackett," was all he could say as he looked down to his brother and friend. He took his shoulder and squeezed it. "Come on pally, I know you can do it."

Brackett had his stethoscope in his ears as he listened intently to Roy's lungs. One side at a time. Johnny hung on every movement. When he looked back up Kelly unplugged his ears.

"Well?" Johnny asked anxiously.

"Well we lightened his medication yesterday and he seems to have responded well," Brackett smiled but saw the worried look across the bed. "This is good Johnny. His lungs have healed enough to start working on their own. We'll begin decreasing the ventilator support and hopefully get him off of it by tomorrow." He walked around the bed watching Johnny who still seemed to not be sure. He playfully slapped him on the back. "Deep breathe Johnny. He's doing better."

Johnny shook his head, "Okay. Thanks doc." Finally the Gage smile came through. "I'm going to call the guys."

Brackett grinned, Johnny leaving the room voluntarily? He must be excited.

* * *

Marco put his chili on the table and sat down. The day had been long with a lot of runs and they were exhausted. Marison and Brice were working the Squad for the shift and they had been nonstop also. Their thoughts were not on dinner but they quietly went about their routine of the day, chores, putting out fires and pretty much avoiding Brice.

Chet jumped up when the phone rang, "Station 51, Fireman Kelly."

The others kept eating, not really paying any attention to Chet on the phone until they heard him yell, "What?" He quickly looked at the others but they couldn't tell if it was a good what or a bad what.

Hank was on his feet and at the phone, "Roy?" His heart was pounding out of his chest.

"God Johnny! Really?" Chet was getting more and more excited, now in a big grin.

"What?" Mike and Marco were yelling now.

Chet hung up the phone and smile smugly like he had a secret, "That was Johnny."

"You twit, just tell us what he said!" Hank barked.

"Roy's breathing on his own now. Johnny thinks they will take him off the ventilator in the morning!"

The whoops and cheers amongst the men lifted the spirits of the station times ten. Suddenly they couldn't wait for the shift end.

* * *

The next morning came and started in a routine manner. It started with Dixie getting Roy's vital signs, waking Johnny up for breakfast then scooting him off to freshen up for the day. But this morning Johnny had high expectations.

"Dix, when will Brackett come in?" Johnny asked with anticipation.

They both looked up to see him enter the room, "Ask and he appears."

Johnny was ready for it to happen, "Now doc?"

Brackett just laughed, "Okay, okay." With the help of the technician he gently removed the airway and placed a nasal cannula on Roy. After listening to his lungs he nodded. "Okay, we'll see how he does. If he doesn't tolerate this then we will have to put him back on."

Johnny was thrilled with the tube being gone but Roy was still unresponsive, "When will he wake up?"

"He's been on a lot of medication. Let's give him time to wake up on his own."

Johnny wanted that reassurance of seeing Roy awake but understood that the healing process still required his patience.

Later that morning the guys came by to see him. Since he was doing better they all came in to see him at the same time. Johnny stood up and greeted them with a handshake and a weary smile. "Good to see you guys."

They moved around his bed, "It's good to see he's made some progress." Marco said.

"Yea, off the vent a couple of hours ago and doing okay so far," Johnny said.

But Chet noticed the lack of enthusiasm that was there a few hours before, "Johnny what's wrong. That's good news right?" he asked.

"Yea, it is. I just wish he would wake up."

They knew what Johnny's fear was. How long Roy had been down. Even if he got past the smoke inhalation would he be the same Roy they knew? Hank knew the worry in Johnny's heart.

"He's making the right steps, let's give him time okay?" Hank offered the young man.

"I know Cap. It's just hard to sit and wait."

"Well, that's why Chet is taking you home today," Hank said. He wasn't surprised at the snapping up of Johnny's head to that news.

"Cap…" he started to say.

"Don't Cap me. You've been cooped up here for nearly a week now. Go home for the afternoon, check on your place then come back. We will sit right here with him and call you if anything changes. If he does wake up he won't find an empty room."

Johnny did feel like a caged animal. He wanted out so bad but he felt it was so wrong to leave Roy now. The last time he left him…

"Johnny," Hank said. Johnny looked up at him. "You're not abandoning him, I promise we won't leave. Go get cleaned up, get some fresh clothes, get some lunch. Then come back."

He went over to Roy and placed his hand on his shoulder, "I'll be right back partner. I promise." With slumped shoulders Johnny did what his Captain told him to do and followed Chet out the door to the car.

* * *

Johnny putzed around his apartment half heartedly. He got his clothes washed and picked up the living room some. None with much energy. All he could think about was getting back to the hospital. Several times he picked up the phone to call and check on him but would hang up before it would even ring into the room. He looked down at the empty water and food bowl in the kitchen realizing that Maxie wasn't there anymore. He looked at Chet on the couch, "Maxie?"

"Oh the little furball. He's at home with me. I figured he would be lonely here till you came back so he's at my place." He saw the frown come across Johnny's face. "It was just temporary Johnny; I'll bring him back now if you want me too. My manager is having a fit over the big mouth in my place anyways."

Johnny shook his head, "No, it's okay. I understand. It's just that Jenny gave him to me and I don't want anything to happen to him."

Chet didn't realize and now understood why Johnny was a little protective over him. "Sure Johnny. I'll keep him safe until you come back." He felt dismay over those words knowing that Johnny would stay by Roy's side until he was better and they didn't know how long that would take. Johnny and Roy were like brothers and there were times that he was a little jealous of that closeness but he knew it had saved their lives more than once. This was one time that he would help out in any way needed to make sure Johnny would be there to see Roy through this crisis.

Johnny went to finish packing his overnight bag when the phone rang. Chet reached over to answer it when Johnny came back into the living room in a mad dash. "Roy?"

Chet nodded, "Cap says we need to get back."

Johnny's heart was hammering in his chest, "What happened?"

"He didn't say, just to get back."

Chet was glad he had driven because if he had put Johnny behind the wheel they might not have made it back alive. Dashing up the stairs and into Roy's room Johnny saw Dixie and Joe Early standing by his bed. Johnny was at his side in a heartbeat.

"Doc? What's wrong?" He said as he scanned Roy and his monitors.

"I think he's trying to wake up Johnny but he's combative and we're having trouble calming him down. I really want to avoid sedating him at this point. If I depress his breathing any we will have to put him back on the ventilator," Joe said.

Then Johnny saw what they were talking about as Roy began thrashing about, not really awake but like he was living a nightmare that he couldn't escape from. Hank sat on one arm trying to keep him from ripping his IV out while Mike worked on holding the other one down. It was taking all they could do just to keep him in the bed. Joe stood with the syringe in his hand.

Dixie leaned over to Johnny, "Talk to him Johnny."


	11. Chapter 11

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Nothing endures but change." Heraclitus._

Thanks to everyone for your reviews, as always they are very much appreciated. I hope you are enjoying the story.

* * *

Chapter 11

Johnny leaned in close to Roy and spoke with a soft gentle voice that he hoped would break through the nightmare that his friend was experiencing.

"Roy, its Johnny. We need you to calm down buddy. You're okay now."

Roy continued to thrash but with less vigor.

"That's it pally. Calm down and relax. You're out of the building. I got you out and you're going to be okay. Calm down for me."

Hank just stepped back from the bed and smiled. Those two never ceased to amaze him with the strength of their friendship and feeling of family. He watched Roy go back to sleep and they all stepped out of the room. Johnny stayed by his side and Dixie settled him back into bed, checking his IV then his vital signs.

* * *

The next couple of days passed with Roy resting fairly quietly, occasional restless only to be calmed by Johnny's reassuring words. The sun was beginning to set through the window as Johnny watched television. His mind drifted to when he sat at the desk opposite of Roy listening about the paramedic program that was being planned. He smiled thinking back to how close he came to saying no. Hell, he was a rescue man and doing anything different had never occurred to him. Now he couldn't even imagine doing anything else, much less with anyone else. How many guys got to partner with their best friend?

He stood up and stretched, his lean but muscular lanky body stretching tall. He turned around and froze. "Roy?" He couldn't believe it, his eyes were open watching him. Moving up to the bed he began to think he was dreaming, Roy was awake but not responding. "Roy? Can you hear me?"

Roy tried to focus his eyes on the person in front of him but his vision was blurry. Where was he? Was he still in the apartment building? He tried to use his other senses to figure out what was going on. No smoke smell, no heat. Johnny? He tried to get his voice to work but he wasn't hearing anything come out of it. Johnny? JOHNNY!?

"Roy? Can you hear me buddy? I'm right here." Johnny reached and pushed the nurse's button. Something was wrong. Roy seemed awake but nothing was happening. He looked up to see the nurse come in.

"What's wrong Johnny?" She asked.

"Look, something's wrong," he was near panic now. Was this a repercussion of his cardiac arrest?

She tried to calm him, "Hold on okay, and let me get a doctor to check on him." She quickly left the room.

Within a few minutes Joe Early came in and stood by Roy. He checked his pupils, examined his reflexes. "Roy can you blink your eyes?"

They waited with baited breath, finally he blinked.

"Doc, what's wrong? Why can't he speak?" Johnny feared the worse for his friend.

"His exam is continuing to improve Johnny. His reflexes are intact." Joe pinched his chest and Roy frowned, in fact he groaned.

Johnny smiled a noise. "Come on Roy. I'm tired of doing all the talking, it's your turn."

Roy smiled and for the first time Johnny saw the life come back from behind those blue eyes. His mouth formed the word and he struggled to get the sound out. It was barely audible, hoarse and raspy but it was there, "Junior."

Johnny was elated. Roy was back!

* * *

That was a turning point for Roy as everyday got better from there out. A little improvement every day although Johnny noticed that he was speaking very little. Johnny stayed with him, going home for a little while each day to let Roy rest alone. His silence was unnerving to Johnny but he didn't want to push him. He wasn't sure how much was Roy still healing and how much was Roy choosing to not talk.

Every hour of everyday Johnny waited, dreading the question. He worried himself into a knot over how to tell Roy what had happened. Should he just tell him or should he wait for him to ask. It was obvious by now that Joanne was no where around and no one mentioned her. He could feel the sadness in the room, it was almost suffocating. Johnny sad for Roy and Roy just …just sad.

Every day the guys came by from the station, including many well wishers from other stations. Roy would sit quietly, nod his head and smile. But even to them he remained quiet. They didn't know what to say as by now the word was out and everyone knew what she had done. No one wanted more that his A-shift family to find the right words to ease his pain but those words evaded them. What words could take that kind of pain away?

Johnny just sat quietly with him, day after day as he recovered until the time came that he had to return to work. He had used up all of his vacation time and it was time for him to get back to the station, no matter how much he didn't want to. At this point he was now concerned about leaving Roy alone all day while he was gone. Dixie promised to keep a close eye on him and he stayed busy each day with physical therapy and rehab to regain his strength and build up his endurance again.

"Call me if you need anything tomorrow okay?" Johnny said, dreading leaving for the night.

"I'll be fine," he said with a soft smile.

"I'll come by if we get a run to the ER," Johnny was delaying the evitable.

Roy sat up in bed. "Johnny, I could never thank you enough for being here with me through all this. I know you have to get back to work. It's okay. I'll be okay," Roy said.

Johnny knew that Roy's discharge home would be coming up very soon and he was even avoiding that topic. Being discharged meant going home and going home would have a very hard meaning to Roy. He would not be able to avoid the issue anymore.

Johnny stood at the door and looked back at his friend, knowing he was hurting inside. "Okay, well bye. I'll see ya later."

"Night Junior."

* * *

Roy lay back in the bed and decided he had to make a decision. His mind had been working on it for days but he was usually too mentally and physically tired to finish a plan. First he was lost in the endless nightmare of fighting smoke, struggling to breathe and find his way out. It was Johnny who helped him find his way out when he finally heard his voice, guiding him out of the darkness that had consumed him. When he finally woke up enough to realize what had happened he remembered Johnny sitting in his room. Sleep had consumed most of his time. Even when he tried to stay up and visit with the endless stream of visitors he just wasn't able to last very long.

He tried to remember when it was that he suddenly realized that she wasn't here. Johnny took care of him and kept him company with him having no concept initially of what day it was or how many days it had been. But at some point he remembered that someone was missing. Someone that should be there beside him, comforting him, supporting him. But he had looked into Johnny's eyes one day when he realized and saw something that told him something was very wrong. So wrong that he was afraid to ask and apparently so wrong that no one would tell him.

Deep down he knew what and unfortunately he knew why. In the last few months she had drifted farther from him with every injury he experienced, even if it was a paper cut. Then when the firemen died he felt that a part of her had died. At least the part that drew her to him was gone. He kept thinking that she would regain her confidence in him. He still came home after every shift; he was there for her and the kids.

He remembered when his brain linked her not being there with her gone, with the kids being gone. He didn't even want to tell Johnny that it hurt so much his chest hurt. He though he was having a heart attack it hurt so much. He wanted to hate her for leaving him when he needed her so much but he had loved her for too long. She was a part of him and he couldn't just give up. But he had seen the look in Johnny's eyes more than once, in the eyes of Mike, Marco, Hank and even Chet. They had been deeply affected by her not being here. Did she have any idea how she had impacted all these lives with her choice?

* * *

The day finally came when Roy got to home and Johnny had dreaded this day more than anything as they would both have to come face to face with what had happened.

Johnny came in and found Roy dressed and standing by the window.

"You all ready?" He asked.

Roy remained quiet leaving Johnny feeling very unsure what to do or say.

"I can't," Roy said quietly.

Johnny's mind was spinning, "Can't what?"

Roy turned to him, eyes that were fighting back the tears, "I can't go home."


	12. Chapter 12

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together."_

_I know this is a short one but wanted to give you food for thought ; )_

* * *

Chapter 12

Johnny felt heartbroken over Roy's admission because those four words spoke worlds to Johnny. His friend needed his help and support.

"You can stay at my place if you want to for a while," he offered not really sure what Roy was wanting to do.

Roy looked down, "That would help, thanks. Do you mind, you know just till I can figure out what to do?"

Johnny smiled, "Course I don't mind. I even replaced the old chair."

Roy chuckled, "Thank goodness." With the decision being made they headed home.

* * *

Roy settled down on the couch while Johnny went to the kitchen to fix them some lunch. The air was full of tension since Johnny really didn't know what to say. He was afraid that if he talked about it before Roy was ready then it would be too stressful for him. Instead he chose to do what he had been doing, remain quiet until Roy was ready to talk about it himself. He brought Roy out a tray with some soup and a sandwich.

"I don't expect you to wait on me Junior. Brackett wants me up and about," he said as he started to eat.

"I heard what Brackett said and he told you to take it easy for the first few days out of the hospital then to increase your activity," Johnny said with a mouth full of sandwich.

"I never really thanked you for what you did, getting me out of that building that night."

"Hey, like you told me one time, that's what partners do," he said with his crooked grin.

Roy just nodded and smiled. Nothing really said it as well as that. He would have done the same for him, in fact he had in the past.

The rest of the meal was eaten in silence as they watched TV. Johnny picked up the dishes and took them to the kitchen. When he came back out to the living room he saw Roy standing next to the bookcase holding a picture frame.

When Johnny approached Roy just stood still, holding it and absently rubbing his finger over it. It was a picture of Johnny with Jenny and Chris at his birthday party the year before.

"Roy?"

"You know they planned everything for that party. Wouldn't let me or Jo do anything."

Johnny laughed, "Yea, I kinda figured that out with the princess balloons and Batman plates."

Roy laughed too, "I forgot about those."

"Well I'm pretty sure I burned all the pictures of me in the tiara," Johnny said. "There was no way I was going to let Chet get his hands on one of those.

Roy got quiet. "What if I don't get to see them again."

Johnny stepped in front of him, "Just because she walked out on you doesn't' mean you lose Jenny and Chris, Roy. She can't do that to you."

But Roy wasn't listening to logic, "She took them and left. I feel like she took a part of me and left with it."

"We'll get them back."

Roy looked at this man he called his brother and saw determination but he felt so lost, "How Johnny? She's made no contact since she left."

Even the thought of it infuriated Johnny. Not only did she just walk out when Roy might not live through the night, she never made any further contact. Never even called to see if he had lived or died in those first days. No one really knew where she went either. They had family scattered throughout the country, she could be with any of them.

"First we find them, then we get you to them."

Roy was exhausted and a part of him just wanted to give up on it all. It seemed hopeless to him right now. "I'm really tired."

"Of course. I've got some errands to run. You take the couch and rest while I'm gone." Johnny grabbed him a pillow and blanket while Roy seemed to just melt into the cushions and was asleep within minutes. Johnny put the blanket over him and headed out. There was someone he needed to talk to right away.

* * *

Johnny took his key and opened the door. Taking a deep breath he entered the house of his friend. It looked like nothing had been touched, like they had just been there moments before. Toys scattered on the floor, Chris's school books, and Jenny's crayons. Pictures of the happy family on the mantle just made him mad. He reached up and took three that were only of Jenn and Chris. From the living room he went into the little office and looked through the drawers trying to find Roy's address book. He found it in the second drawer knowing it would have the possible places that Joanne would have gone to stay. From there he headed into their bedroom. This room made him uncomfortable. Even though no one was home he felt like he was somehow invading. He reached into the closet and took out a suitcase then proceeded to fill it to the brim with clothes for Roy, his shaving kit, and anything he thought he might need over the next few days.

With some essentials in his arms he took one last look to what he had always considered his second home, feeling like it would never be the same for any of them again. Next to the person he needed to see.

* * *

Emily opened the door, "Johnny! Come in, come in. Is Hank expecting you?"

"No and I'm sorry to come unannounced but I need to talk to him about Roy," Johnny said.

"Sure hon, he's in his office. You know the way. I'll get you two something to drink."

He smiled, "Thanks Emily." Johnny took the hallway to the first room on the left and knocked on the door.

"Come in Emily," Hank said.

"Cap? It's me Johnny," he said as he stuck his head in the door.

Hank stood up. He knew that Johnny was bringing Roy home today, what was he doing here? "John, what's wrong? Is Roy okay?"

"Yea Cap, I picked him up from the hospital today and took him home. Well, home to my place."

Hank was surprised, "You're place?" He motioned for him to sit down.

"He didn't want to go home." He shook his head, "I don't think he could handle being there with them all gone."

It made sense to Hank and he shouldn't have been surprised. He knew that Roy had not talked about her yet from what Johnny had told him. "How's he doing with it all?"

Johnny seemed despondent, "He didn't even talk about it until today. He stared talking about Jenny and Chris. He thinks he will never see them again."

"I don't think she plans on keeping them from him John but I don't know how to find her so that we can tell her he wants to see them."

Johnny pulled out the address book. "I got this from his house. We need to find them Cap. He needs desperately to see the kids. He seems like he's giving up."

That was Hanks fear. Roy was holding all those feelings inside. There was no way that someone could go through all that and not be torn apart inside. "Let's start with finding her and go from there. Have they told him how long till he can return to work?" Hank chose to not consider the fear that the trauma was too severe and Roy wouldn't return to the department.

Johnny just shrugged, "Doc told him he would see him again in 2 months and re-evaluate him. Only then would he discuss him coming back to the station."

Hank could see the worry in the young man. Of course none of them could imagine the A-shift family without Roy being part of it anymore. He would do whatever he could to find her. Now what he did when he found her was still up for debate at this point.

* * *

Hank worked on calling all the numbers in the book while Johnny worked his shifts. In between he was home with Roy having fairly quiet days but the nights were frequently not quiet as Roy continued to have nightmares. Johnny would hear him fighting unknown demons from the living room and rush out of his room to check on him. Most of the time he would settle down on his own but there were times that Johnny would wake him then after a glass of milk they would go back to sleep.

The days went by quickly as Johnny helped him continue his rehab which now included running. They would both go running every morning before breakfast or before Johnny had to go in to work. Physically Roy was getting stronger every day under the care of his best friend, his family. Weekly they hosted a card game with the rest of the crew and laughed just like old times with their friends. But when they were alone in the apartment Johnny could see that Roy's heart was not healing.

* * *

Johnny was cleaning the kitchen on evening when the phone rang. He reached over and answered it.

"Hey Cap."

"Where?"

"Okay, thanks."

He looked up to see Roy standing in the doorway, "Who was that?" His expression was flat, his voice unemotional.

"It was Cap. He called to tell us that …" Johnny was almost afraid to tell him.

Roy instantly picked up on the apprehension in Johnny's voice and expression, "Johnny?"

"He found Joanne."


	13. Chapter 13

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which one to burn." David Russell._

_This ones a little longer for you. Thanks for your patience as I get chapters out. Keep up the comments they make my fingers work faster!_

* * *

Chapter 13

After Johnny gave Roy the phone number where Joanne was he stepped outside to give him some privacy although he would have given anything to be a fly on the wall. Instead he chose to pace a hole in the sidewalk while he waited, even if it was somewhat impatiently.

Roy sat with the phone in his hand trying to will himself to dial the number. He didn't know what he was going to say. His own feelings were in turmoil and now he was about to add hers to the mix. Taking a deep breath he dialed the unfamiliar and out of town number.

A huge smile came across his face and tears came to his eyes as he instantly knew the little voice that answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi baby. It's daddy," Roy said, fighting back the tears.

"Daddy! Chris its daddy, its daddy! Oh daddy I miss you so much. When are you coming home?" She asked.

Roy didn't know what to say. "I miss you too honey. What have you been up too?"

"Playing Barbie's and jumping on the trampoline. I was playing with Rosa but she made me mad so I told her to go home."

He smiled as she paused to take a deep breath. "Well maybe you can play with her later today."

The next pause meant she was thinking about it, "I guess so. Guess what daddy?"

"What honey?" He wanted to reach through the phone and hug her so bad.

"Me and Chris are going to a new school."

"Well, do you like it?"

New school, new town, new life. A life without him.

"Chris doesn't but I do. My teacher is Mrs. Marlow and she's really nice," she said.

"I'm glad you like it. Can I say hello to Chris?" Talking to her was almost worse than not.

"Sure, hold on. I love you daddy and can't wait till you can come back home."

"I love you too sweetie."

He didn't ask what she had been told by Joanne. He really didn't want to know for the most part, at least not right now.

"CHRIS! Telephone, it's daddy," she yelled.

"Dad?" The voice said quietly.

"Hey Chris, its dad. How are you doing?" Roy could feel that the conversation with his son would be less carefree.

"Okay." The answer was simple and that reflected that Chris was upset about something.

"You don't sound okay son. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Roy wasn't sure if it was about him or not.

"Where are you dad?"

So yes, it was about him but not knowing what Joanne told him he wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. "I'm at Johnny's place right now."

"You haven't called us." He sounded sad to Roy.

"I'm so sorry son; I haven't been able too until now. I'm sure am glad to hear your voice now though."

He paused, "It's good to talk to you too dad. Will you be coming home soon?"

Home. He didn't even know where they were but apparently the kids didn't know that.

"Hopefully soon son. Is your mom there?"

"No, she's at work right now. Andie is our babysitter do you want to talk to her?"

"That's okay Chris. Will you just let mom know that I called and I need to talk to her?"

"Sure dad," Chris said.

"I'll call back again okay to talk to you guys. Love you both Chris, don't ever forget that okay."

"Love you too dad."

Roy hung up the phone with his heart hurting and his eyes burning. He still didn't know where they were exactly and now he had to sit around and hope that she would call him back. Knowing that Johnny was waiting on him he went out to find him.

Johnny could see the red eyes and heavy heart of his friend. He was afraid to even ask. "Well?"

"She wasn't home but I got to talk to Jenny and Chris." That brought a small smile to his face.

Johnny was glad; he knew Roy needed to know his kids were okay. It was an important part of his healing process. He privately hoped that Roy would share more with him but it wasn't his place to push it. Roy know he was here if needed.

* * *

Roy waited in Brackett's office following his exam and final testing. His nerves were getting the best of him as he anxiously awaited the final word on whether he would be able to return to work or not. Brackett stepped in and moved around his desk ad he took a seat. He leaned back in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.

Most men wouldn't have made it out of the building alive but then Roy DeSoto was far from most men. He was in good physical shape, took good care of his body and had a group of friends that had stood by him through the whole process. It was a miracle he was even sitting here in front of him. But was he ready to run back into a burning building again?

"So Roy, tell me how you've been doing since going home?"

"Good doc. I've been running everyday and feel pretty good. Guess the question is can I go back to work?" Roy was ready. He needed to get busy again.

"Well, everything looks good physically. Your lung studies are back to normal and your EKG is normal. I guess I need to know if you're ready to go back."

Roy shifted his legs around and paused for a moment. "I think so doc. I'm going stir crazy and need to get back to a routine."

"I understand that. Okay, I'll release you back to duty. Physically you are ready but I want you to call me if you have any other issues at work. Talk to Johnny and Captain Stanley if you have any problems okay?"

Roy stood up, "I will doc. Thanks for everything." Roy reached out to shake Brackett's hand.

He shook, "That's what we're here for Roy but just promise me to make it a once in a life time experience alright?" He said smiling.

Roy smiled back, "Once in a lifetime was way too much as far as I'm concerned."

* * *

Roy called Hank briefly and set up his returning to work schedule. He would do one shift a week for 2 weeks then go back full time if everything went well. A part of him was so excited he couldn't wait. To be in the squad again with Johnny as his partner, working rescues, and doing hands on care again. It was in his blood and he knew it. He had never spoken it but his biggest fear was that Brackett would tell him he couldn't go back to work. That he couldn't be a fireman anymore. He had even tried to figure out what else he would do but all thoughts led him back to the station. To his friends, his job and his A-shift family.

His next task wasn't going to be easy. He and Johnny had become roommates with a steady routine but now Roy felt a need to go back home. Of course it wouldn't be easy but it was time to face what was there. He hadn't told anyone what had happened but Joanne had called him back a couple of days after his first phone call. The first call had been hard and little was said between them. He had asked why, of course and deep down wasn't surprised by her answer of how stressed she had been over his job. She had unexpectantly told him a little of what had happened that first night he was injured. His emotions had gone from hurt and anger at her for walking out to sadness over what his friends must gone through. And he was pretty sure he didn't have all the details either. They spent a few more phone calls trying to work through some of their feelings and try and figure out what to do next.

* * *

Dinner was quiet that night. They had two days off before returning back to work, as partners again. Johnny was excited like a little kid in a toy store. Roy was coming back. It had been a long two months without his friend riding at his side.

"Johnny I need you to help me do something tomorrow," Roy asked.

He looked up from his plate, "Sure, what?"

"I need you to help me move back home tomorrow," he watched Johnny's face struggle to not fall and make a smile.

"You're ready to go home?"

"Yea, I think I need to. It's kinda the last thing I've put off through all this. I think I just need to face it. I talked to Joanne last night."

Johnny paused mid bite. He knew Roy had been talking to her but he hadn't shared any of their conversations with him. Jenny and Chris updates were all he would be told but never anything about Joanne. Of course he wanted to know what was going on. He was worried about his friend who seemed to be very stressed since the phone calls had started.

"Yea? What did she want?" He knew there was an edge of hostility in his voice that Roy might not understand.

Roy chose to ignore the taint of edginess to Johnny's question, "She's bringing the kids up to see me this weekend."

Of course Roy was happy to see his kids, Johnny didn't question that at all but did he seem happy that she was coming?

"Well, it's about time," Johnny looked at his plate.

The air tingled with hostility and Roy wasn't exactly sure what to think. What was Johnny so upset about?

Johnny looked up, "Where has she been hiding all this time?"

Roy pushed his chair back and headed to the sink, "She's living in Crescent City."

Johnny was shocked, "Crescent City, what the hell is she doing all the way up there?"

"She has a brother that lives near there. They stayed with him for a while before settling down."

Johnny pushed his chair back next but didn't get up, "So she's planning on staying there?"

Roy leaned against the kitchen counter, "Yea, sounds like it. She's working and the kids are doing well in the school there."

He looked at his friend, "Is she filing for divorce?" He just had to know where all this was heading.

Roy shook his head, "Not yet. She said she wants to talk to me this weekend about what we will do next."

"We?" Johnny was mad now. "What we is there Roy? She walked out on you, just took the kids and left at a time you needed all of them more than anything! What is there to talk about?"

Johnny didn't understand and Roy didn't know how to explain it, "Johnny I know what she did, I've lived every day thinking about what she did. But I miss my kids. I need my kids Johnny."

"I know Roy. I miss them too and I'm not their father." He stopped but the words continued in his brain. But what does she want? How dare she ask him for anything after what she's put him through. Maybe he being in the dark was better because what little he knew was only making him madder. He took a deep breath, "I'll help you this weekend with whatever you need."

Roy knew that Johnny wanted to say more but chose not to, "Thanks partner."

There wasn't much to get moved back to the house and one trip did the trick. Johnny really didn't even want to go in. He somehow didn't feel comfortable there anymore. It wasn't home away from home now and he knew that Roy needed his own time to settle back in.

"I'll head back home. Just let me know if you need anything," Johnny said.

"I will. Thanks Johnny."

Roy turned back into the house and for a moment, it felt good to be back home. He was alone but this was still his home and he had missed it. After putting his clothes away he went to the kitchen and opened some soup for dinner, mentally making a note to go to the grocery store in the morning to restock for the kids. Knowing that Joanne would have a fit over the two inches of dust he began cleaning and straightening up. Keeping busy kept him mind off what the next day would bring. What would she want to talk about? Would she consider coming back home? Did he want her to come back home? How would he feel when he saw her again?

* * *

Sunday came and Roy spent the morning at the grocery store then cleaning up the kitchen. After that he paced the floor knowing they would be there anytime. When the door opened and little feet came running in he ran down the stairs straight into the arms of his precious Jenn.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

He wasn't sure who was hugging who the hardest. He gently pushed her back so he could see her and began tickling her making her giggle with that little laugh that melted his heart. Chris was right behind her and actually wrapped both arms around his dad and hugged him for the first time in months. Chris was just about to reach the point where a hug was just not cool anymore but this one was full of love.

"Chris, good to see ya son," Roy said through tears.

"Daddy, why you crying?" Jenny said as she wiped the tears off his cheek.

"Daddy is just so happy to see you honey," Roy said with a big smile.

Then he looked up to see Joanne. She looked wonderful but the look of apprehension on her face told him that she wasn't here for a hug. "Roy," She said softly.

He put Jenny down, "Hey Jo. It's good to see you."

"Okay guys, why don't you go check out your rooms for a while so daddy and I can talk." She scooted them upstairs like it was any other night at home.

Jenny ran upstairs full force but Chris hesitated at the top of the stairs and looked at them.

"It's okay Chris, go ahead," Roy told him gently.

Joanne sat down on the couch, feeling awkward about being back, so close to him. "You look good Roy. Are you doing okay?"

"Fine," he simply said. Bring up the last time she saw him wouldn't help anything right now. They had already argued about that over the phone more than once.

"I'm not really sure what to say," she stood back up and walked over to the mantle, her fingers lightly brushing over the family pictures on it. "This seems like so long ago."

"Jo, I don't know what you want from me anymore," he said.

Turning back to him, "I don't know what I want either. I do know that how I feel inside hasn't changed."

"And how do you feel?"

"I love you Roy. I have always loved you, ever since I saw you those many years ago in school. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. But..."

He ran his fingers through his hair, "But what?"

"What I said that night hasn't changed. I've thought about it every night since and I just can't do it anymore."

Roy really wasn't sure exactly what she had said that night, no one really ever told him. "Can't do what Jo?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I can't be a fireman's wife anymore."

He knew the basic concept of what she would say but those words, "Is that what you told Johnny that night in the hospital?"

She lowered her head, "Yes. God Roy, I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just so upset I didn't know what I was doing."

Hurt him? What was she talking about? "What do you mean hurt him?" He was now getting upset.

"I pushed him, pushed him down on the ground. I didn't mean to but I saw the look in his eyes, how much I hurt him."

A lot of the little pieces were now fitting together from that night. No wonder no one would talk about it. They knew it would only upset him. She had successfully wrecked havoc before she left.

"Johnny's fine," he said abruptly. "But I want to know what you expect me to do Jo?"

She took a step towards him, "I love you so much Roy. I don't want to live without you. I need you and the kids need you in our lives."

He turned and put his hands on his hips as he processed what she was saying, "You want me but you don't want to be married to a fireman anymore? What are you asking me to do Jo? Tell me."

She stood up straight. This was what it came down to.

"If you want me and the kids in your life, you have to quit the department."


	14. Chapter 14

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_"A happy family is but an early heaven." John Bowring._

* * *

Chapter 14

Roy was reeling from what Joanne was asking from him when angry, stomping footsteps came down the stairs. They both looked up to see the tear stained face of Chris.

Joanne was closest and moved towards him, "Chris."

But Chris was mad, "How can you say that? How can you tell him to not be a fireman anymore?!"

Roy was devastated for his son to overhear what was going on. He reached him in two long strides, "Chris, son"

Chris pushed Joanne away and ran to his father's arms, "Don't dad, don't do it. You're a fireman and I don't want you to be anything else. I love you dad. I want to grow up to be just like you."

Roy looked to Joanne as he held his son close, trying to comfort him, "Chris, calm down son. It's okay. Your mom and I are just talking right now okay? Nothing has been decided." He pulled him back to wipe the tears from his face. "Don't you want me to come home?"

Chris looked back to his mom with infuriated eyes, "You lied to us. You told us that dad had to work a special job and couldn't see us for a while, that he would join us later at our new house." He turned back to Roy. "Dad, please tell me what happened. Please don't lie to me."

Roy stood up and pulled him to the couch, then pulled him right up to his knees. He didn't even look at Joanne. "Chris a couple of months ago I was hurt in a fire. Johnny saved my life and got me out but I had to spend some time in the hospital. Your mom was very upset at seeing me hurt and didn't want you guys to be upset too so she let me get healed up before coming back to see me. I'm all well now okay. It's all in the past but right now me and your mom have to decide what is best for us and you and Jenn next."

Chris continued to cry, "She can't ask that of you. It's not fair. Please dad, I don't want to go back to that other house. I want to stay at home. Please dad, don't make me go back."

Roy was now torn. A huge part of him felt that it was his job to do whatever it took to keep his family together.

"Chris, look at me." He pulled him closer by the shoulders and spoke in a firm voice.

"Yes sir," Chris heaved those deep breaths as he tried to stop crying.

"Your mom and I will decide what to do and it will be what we think is best for you and Jenny okay?"

Chris just nodded.

"I don't know what that will be right at this minute but you will do what you're told, do you understand that?" Roy knew that Chris would respond to his authority.

"Yes sir," he said quietly.

Roy pulled him close and gave him a big hug, "Now run upstairs and check on Jenny. I don't want her upset over any of this alright? She's too young and it wouldn't be fair to her."

"I will dad," Chris said as he went upstairs, refusing to look at his mother.

When Roy was sure he was out of earshot he turned to Joanne and spoke in a low voice, "Do you know what you're asking me to do?"

"Yes, I do. But it's the only way I can remained married to you and I can see that this doesn't need to be discussed with them in the house anymore. You know where I stand Roy. I am going to see my friend Maggie and will leave the kids with you. I'll be back before dinner to head back home with them."

Not waiting for an answer she spun on her heels and headed out the door.

Roy made a quick phone call then headed upstairs and found them both in Jenny's room playing.

"Hey guys, get your shoes on. I have a surprise for you."

* * *

Chris knew where they were going almost right away. He knew the path to Johnny's place but the look on his dad's face told him to keep it a secret for Jenny as long as possible. When they pulled up she saw the white Rover and knew right away where they were.

She made a big exaggerated gasp, "Daddy! Do we get to see Unkle Johnny?"

He just smile, "Yes Mame."

Jenny just giggled as she jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs to his door.

Roy sat back and watched Johnny trying to juggle both kids that were vying for his attention full force. He laughed when Jenny decided to climb up his back for a piggy back ride. "Need some help there Junior?"

Johnny just laughed, "Did you feed them sugar the whole way?"

Chris was now climbing on the other side of him trying to pull Jenny off so he would have a turn. Johnny was just thrilled to see the big smile on his friends face. Having these two around again brought back that twinkle in his eyes, a sign of the old Roy coming back.

"Okay you two, go get a drink and a snack. You know where they are," Johnny told them. He was DYING to ask Roy about Joanne but wouldn't while the kids were nearby. "Well?"

Roy knew that after what had happened he couldn't discuss any of it here. He just shook his head quickly, "Not here."

Johnny was disappointed but understood. Jenny came out and turned on the TV for some cartoons to settle down by while Chris sat in the chair next to them. Johnny watched him watching his dad. It was an intent stare that Johnny didn't know how to interpret.

"So what do you guys want to do today?" Johnny asked them.

They both turned around, Jenny spoke first. "Unkle Johnny can we go to the beach today?"

Johnny turned to Roy and shrugged, "What do you think daddy?"

"Sure why not. We can run by the house and get ready then have a couple of hours at the beach," Roy said. He wanted to savor every moment he had with them, not knowing what would come next for his family.

* * *

Jenny played in the shallow surf with Roy holding her hand. She loved the ocean but wasn't very brave in it. He glanced back to see Johnny and Chris making a sand castle together. The weather was perfect and Roy just couldn't ask for a better day with his kids.

"Chris, use that can. It will make a great turret," Johnny said.

He looked up to see Chris watching his dad again.

"Chris is everything okay?" He asked, not trying to pry but obviously something was bothering the boy.

"Uncle Johnny do you think dad would do it?"

Johnny tried to not sound lost in the conversation, "Do what Chris?"

"Stop being a fireman." Chris looked at him for an answer.

"What makes you think he would stop?"

"My mom. I heard her tell him that the only way he could stay with us and her was if he stopped working at the fire station."

Johnny's heart fell to his knees. That's what she wanted all along and now she was going to get her way. He looked out into the surf and watched Roy beam with joy as he lifted Jenny up high and the lowered her to splash in the waves. He laughed at every giggle she made. Roy loved his kids. He loved them that much. Johnny knew then what his decision would be. A part of him wanted to argue and make him stay. To stay doing what he loved with all his heart. But another part of him knew it was still just a job and he was just a friend. They were a part of him. He should make them his priority no matter how much it hurt his own heart. He would never ask Roy to choose him over his family.

Suddenly being at the beach seemed like such a bad idea and he wanted to go home but he couldn't find it in himself to interrupt his time with Jenny. They were just having too much fun.

* * *

The ride home was full of laughing and bouncing for the kids and Roy but Johnny sat quietly and Roy noticed the change in mood immediately.

"You okay Junior?"

Johnny smiled, "Sure, just tired." He laughed, "Those wild children of yours wore me out."

Jenny leaned forward in the seat, "Unkle Johnny need a nap?"

Roy laughed out loud, "I think so Jenny."

* * *

Roy pulled up to the house first because he knew that they were running late and Joanne would be waiting. There was also a part of him that wanted Johnny to be around, like a second defense wall of security for him.

She was waiting on the porch, looking none too happy. Jenny and Chris climbed out of the car and ran up to her inundating her with ….mom can't we stay a little longer, mom…do we have to go now, …mom can we spend the night.

She shook her head to them all, "You two have school tomorrow and we have to get back home."

Chris looked at her, "This is my home."

Roy walked up to him, "Remember what we talked about Chris? It will be okay, I will see you again soon."

They both went inside to get changed, no longer giddy and excited but quiet and solemn. Johnny had climbed out of the car but felt awkward.

"Johnny and I took them to the beach. Sorry we're running late."

Joanne looked over to Johnny and felt at a loss for words. She did feel bad about what had happened that night but a greater feeling of identity followed him. He was linked to Roy through the fire department and she knew that he would use all his power to talk Roy into staying. "Johnny," she said coldly.

That night came rushing back to him full force. How horrible he felt physically and mentally, her pushing him then walking off. What was he suppose to say to Roy? Hello and welcome back or goodbye my friend?

For now he chose to not answer her and Roy realized that the tension between them was palpable. It took him by surprise thinking how they had always treated Johnny as family, including Joanne. What happened between them ran deep and Roy was just beginning to realize how hard his decision would be. He only hoped she knew that leaving the station did not mean leaving his friends behind.

He stepped between them, "Jo, I think you owe Johnny an apology."

She looked at him like he had lost his mind, "What for? For trying to make a decision that was best for my family?"

Johnny was mad now, "How can asking him to make that kind of decision be the best for his family?"

She took a defensive pose, "This doesn't involve you Johnny. Keep out of it."

Roy had had enough now, "Johnny is part of this family even if you seemed to have forgotten about that so I expect you to apologize to him for that night." Roy's voice boomed with rising anger that almost startled Joanne and Johnny both.

"I didn't handle it right Johnny. I was upset and I am sorry for what I did to you," she said with annoyance in her tone.

"I don't care about an apology Joanne. That night is done and over with. A lot has happened since then that you chose to not be around for."

Roy could see things getting out of hand rapidly, "Johnny wait for me in the car." He turned to him and his eyes softened, "Please."

Johnny turned on his heels and went back to the car. He would keep his mouth shut, for now.

Roy turned on Joanne with swift and mighty fury, "If I ever hear you talk to him that way again you will regret ever coming back down here. Johnny is just as much my family as anyone else. It was him that saved me from that building and him that helped me get well enough to even make it back to work. What I decide will never leave him or my other friends behind."

Joanne took a couple of steps back, "I'm sorry Roy. I didn't mean to hurt him anymore. I just think if you choose to put this job behind you then you will need to put everything associated with it behind you too."

He glared at her, "That will never happen. No matter what I decide."

They both stopped talking as the kids came running out the door grabbing Roy and hugging him closely.

"Bye daddy," Jenny cried.

"It's okay honey. I will see you again soon. I promise." He picked her up and hugged her tightly. Putting her down he reached out for Chris and pulled him close in a hug. Chris took the opportunity to whisper in his ear, "Please don't do it dad."

Roy stood back and rustled his hand through Chris's thick dark hair, "It'll be okay son."

Without further words she climbed into the car while Roy rejoined Johnny in his car. He looked over to the depressed looking man.

"I'm sorry Johnny that you had to find out this way," Roy said.

Johnny looked at him, "its okay Roy. I understand why you would leave."

Roy just smiled, "That anxious for me to leave are ya?"

"Of course not, but it's the only way to keep the kids close to you," Johnny said back.

"Don't count me out yet Junior. I haven't made a decision just yet."


	15. Chapter 15

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." Gilda Radner._

_Grab a hankey, join the rollercoaster and hold on._

* * *

Chapter 15

Roy put on his uniform shirt, carefully placing the pins in the correct spots. He took his hat out of his locker and lightly buffed the brim of it looking at the shine it left. As he bent down to ties his shoes he watched his friend with great concern. Johnny was quiet and seemed despondent. Roy didn't know what else to say to him. He knew that nothing would help. They had spent hours talking last night at Roy's house and it only ended with Johnny leaving abruptly.

"Roll call in 2 minutes guys," Marco yelled from the bay.

"Johnny?" Roy tried to reach his friend.

Johnny didn't look at him, "I don't want to talk about it Roy. It was all said last night."

Mike came through on the way to the bay and caught the exchange. It didn't take much for anyone to realize that the two best friends were not having a good day. Mike made a mental note of it.

"Welcome back Roy," Mike said with a big smile.

"Thanks Mike," he said as he watched Johnny go into the bay.

* * *

Hank walked down the line with his clipboard and looked at each man under his command. Mike, Marco and Chet looked forward, standing straight and ready. He hesitated for just a second as he passed Roy, wanting to say something but knew this wasn't the time. Lastly he passed Johnny. The look in the young man's eyes told Hank that he was not going to do well today. Maybe for many days to come. He just sighed; the days ahead would not be easy for this group of men.

"Marco you have the dorm and lunch. Chet latrine. Mike the dayroom and dinner. Johnny and Roy, you have hoses and it will take you a while, there's 400 feet to do. I need everyone to reconvene in the kitchen for a brief meeting. Dismissed."

They all looked at each other trying to figure out what needed to be said there that Cap wouldn't just tell them here. They gathered around Roy with lots of 'welcome back', 'missed you buddy', and 'about time' greetings. Now they saw him almost weekly but it was different now, he was back in uniform and finally the station could get back to normal.

They all moved into the dayroom and grabbed chairs to sit down. Roy stood up and Johnny leaned against the counter, not looking at anyone. They watched as Hank took a seat and Roy stayed standing.

Roy cleared his throat before speaking. "I know today is my first day back and I'm grateful for everything you guys have done for me." He paused, shifting his feet. "You know I've been able to see the kids a couple of times and well, Joanne and I have been talking."

The feeling of sudden unrest rippled through the group at the table, something was up. Johnny held his head down low and remained quiet.

Roy continued, "This is the hardest thing I've ever done but we've decided to try and make things work. I feel like I have to try because of Jenny and Chris. It's just too much to think about losing them."

Johnny had heard it all and he couldn't do it again. Pushing off from the counter he walked out of the kitchen and into the bay, followed by 4 sets of worried eyes.

"I've turned in my resignation to the department. Today is also my last day as a fireman and paramedic."

He looked up to see how they were reacting. The mixture of emotions crossed their faces. Marco and Mike just looked hurt but Chet moved right into anger.

"That's just what she wanted isn't it?" He said standing up, pushing his chair back.

"Chet. It's what I have to do. I know this is hard on you guys after what you went through that night in the hospital."

Mike interrupted him, "Look Roy, we know you have to do what you can to keep your children. But what she said, what she did." He shook his head, "is this really what _you_ want?"

Roy was fighting to keep his emotions intact, "It is not about what I want anymore. It's what I have to do. I know this is hard for you guys and I'm sorry that it's happening. But I have to try."

Hank stood up realizing that Roy was about to break down. "Roy, you know that we are here if you need anything. Anything at all. There's no way to tell you how much this department will miss you. How much we will miss you."

"Johnny already knew didn't he?" Marco asked.

"Yea. I told him last night," Roy said sadly. "I do need one thing from you guys."

They all nodded quietly.

"I need you to watch after him." Roy knew that nothing else needed to be said. He knew they would do their best to take care of his friend, his partner.

They again nodded with a solemn agreement to be there for the one who would be the most hurt by all this. Roy pursed his lips and took a deep breath before heading out into the bay to find Johnny. Not seeing him right away he knew the next spot to check. As he walked out there he was, sitting on the hood of his Rover.

Johnny looked up when he heard Roy's footsteps. "How did they take it?" He asked.

"Pretty good, I guess the best they could. Chet is mad as a hornet though."

"So what's new," Johnny said with a little smile.

"You're going to be okay partner. I don't want you to give up on me okay?"

Johnny looked down, "Never."

* * *

They were all grateful that the remainder of the shift was busy. One call after another keep their minds off what was going to happen in the morning. Dinner time came and Mike had already planned on his special spaghetti for Roy's homecoming but now he served it to the silent group as they knew it was a going away party they would be giving after dinner. They ate and tried to chit chat but all were emotionally and physically drained by then.

Marco pulled out the cake for dessert, "My momma made this for you Roy. She knew you liked coconut."

Roy grinned as he stood up until he saw what was written on it.

_**WELCOME BACK ROY!**_

"Thanks Marco, tell your mom how much I appreciated it." He quickly cut into the greeting so no one would have to keep looking at it.

* * *

By bedtime they crashed with exhaustion onto their bunks but no one slept well. The sounds of tossing and turning kept the silence away throughout the rest of the night.

By the time the morning tones sounded and the lights came on they were glad to get up and put the terrible night behind them. The feelings were varied from anger, frustration, sadness, avoidance, to hope. Hope that their friend could find happiness where he went.

After reporting off they all moved to the parking lot and just seemed to linger. They didn't even know how to say goodbye. After an array of manly hugs, back slapping, handshaking and warm wishes they each drove off the lot, lost in their own thoughts. Still unable to comprehend that Roy wouldn't be back.

Johnny lingered by the Rover while Roy put the small cardboard box in the car with his things from his locker.

"Johnny I want you to come over to my place for breakfast," he hoped that Johnny would say yes.

Honestly he thought about beating him over the head so he would forget what he was about to do but deep down he knew it wasn't his place to tell him to not go. He knew Roy wasn't 'leaving' him or the department but 'going' to try and save his marriage.

"Sure, sounds good," he said with a half hearted smile.

* * *

Johnny wandered around the living room that was now full of packed up boxes with various labels telling the movers where to put them when they arrived at their new home. Roy was in the kitchen finishing up the breakfast dishes. There had been little to talk about, both feeling so miserable about what was to come. Johnny reached up and held one of the pictures on the mantle. It was of Roy, Joanne, Jenny and Chris taken shortly after Jenny had been born.

"She was only 8 hours old there," Roy said, walking up behind him.

"They are great kids."

"Yea, they are."

"What time are you leaving?" Johnny asked as he put the picture back in its place.

"The movers are coming in about an hour to get the last of the stuff, then I will head out right behind them."

Johnny shook his head, "Crescent City. What are you planning on doing up there?"

"Not sure right now. I'll find something," he said half hearted with a shrug.

Johnny hated the small talk. It wasn't like them at all.

"Here, I want you to have this." Roy reached into one of the still open boxes and pulled out a picture.

Johnny took it and smiled, "Thanks." It was a picture taken of the two of them when Johnny graduated the paramedic program. "And this," Roy took his hand and placed his paramedic pin in it.

"No Roy, you should keep it." This was killing Johnny.

"No, I want you to have it. It would be too hard to see it sitting around." He looked at his brother and smiled, "Please don't give it up Johnny. Promise me that okay?"

"I don't know if I can promise that right now Roy, but I'll try," Johnny felt so lost already.

Roy took him by the shoulder, "I'm not that far away. Call me if you need to talk okay? Anytime."

"I will." He turned to Roy, "I think it's time I got going. These long goodbyes are too hard."

He reached out his hand to shake but Roy grabbed him in a big hug. There was no way he would tell his best friend and brother goodbye with a handshake. Johnny hugged back and found that he could no longer hold the tears in.

"Now look what you made me do," he said half laughing.

"Sorry. That's what partners do." Roy said sarcastically.

"Smartass," Johnny said with a crooked smile then he turned to the door and left.

It was his final goodbye to Roy. He knew he wouldn't see him again. Joanne had made it clear that day that anything that linked Roy to his past, his job as a fireman and paramedic would be shut out. Heading home he knew he had just lost the only family that had ever meant anything to him.


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Change your thoughts and you change your world." Normal Vincent Peale._

* * *

Chapter 16

Hank heard the Squad return from a run. He put his pen down and pushed his chair back. Sticking his head out the door he called out, "Gage, my office." Sitting back down in his chair he leaned back, the weight of command feeling very heavy these last few months.

The young man that came into the office and sat down was not the same John Gage from several months ago. He was quiet, withdrawn, and just plain miserable. Hank couldn't complain about anything work related with the medic. He did his job, got along with his co-workers and never caused any trouble. But Hank was worried about his friend. Roy had been gone for about 6 months now and things never really returned to normal. He was amazed how one man worked as the glue that held a family together.

"Cap? You wanted to see me?" Johnny asked.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing John."

He shifted in his seat, "Fine Cap. Is something wrong?"

"No John, you're doing a fine job. I'm just worried about you and how you're handling Roy being gone." He tried to study him, to figure out what was going through his mind.

"I'm working, sometimes sleeping and occasionally eat. I'm not sure what you want me to say," Johnny said defensively.

"I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just worried about you. I can only imagine how hard this has been. When did you talk to him last?"

"He's called but I've not talked to him," he lowered his head. "I'm just not ready."

Hank sat forward in his chair, "You need to talk to him John. If he's calling you then he must need to talk too."

He hadn't really thought of it that way. But it had been so long and the calls had become less frequently recently. He knew his Captain was only trying to help but he spent every day trying to put those memories farther and farther in the back of his mind. It was the only way he could make it through the day.

"Is that all Cap?" He was tired, it had been a long day.

Hank would keep trying to reach him. "My door is always open John."

He nodded and smiled at him, "Thanks Cap. I'm okay."

He left Hanks office and went into the dayroom to find Mike and Marco at the table, Chet on the couch with Henry and Dwyer at the kitchen counter working on dinner. Dwyer had been his full time partner since Roy had left and was a good medic. Johnny had no major complaints of him. But this was now just a job that he showed up for every shift. It was something to do but there was no longer any passion in what he did.

Funny thing was that Dwyer usually asked him to drive, something he always wanted to do but Roy rarely let him. Now he really didn't want to drive anymore. He didn't want to pull out boxes anymore. He didn't want too…

"Johnny?

He looked up to see that Mike was calling his name, "Yea?"

"You okay? You looked like you were a million miles away there for a minute."

"Yea, just zoned out for a minute is all." He replied with a smile.

"Well, can you set the table for me?"

"Sure," he said as he reached into the cabinets for the plates.

The water bomb was bigger than usual and hit him right in the face, "CHET!"

Marco, Mike and Dwyer looked up not saying a word. Johnny's reactions to Chet's pranks were to say the least, unpredictable these days.

"Geeze Johnny, you're getting all the dishes all wet. Do you mind?"

Johnny knew what Chet was trying to do. "Gives you something to do Chet, you can dry them," he said as he tossed Chet a bowl. Marco and Mike started laughing as Chet moved fast as lightening to catch the dish before it hit the ground. Landing with a grand thud he slid across the floor and right into Hanks feet.

"Chet, is there a problem here?" Hank said looking down.

Chet looked up, lying on his back, and smiled, "Why no Cap, it's all under control."

Hank just shook his head, "You twit, get off the floor."

Everyone just smiled, except Johnny.

* * *

Johnny walked out of the ER frustrated to no end. Between Dixie and Cap endlessly hounding him about how he 'felt' and now Brackett complaining about his lack of sleep and weight loss he had just about had it.

"Johnny, you know there was nothing else we could have done," Dwyer said as they climbed into the squad.

"I don't want to talk about it," Johnny said.

But Dwyer pressed it, just like he always did. For some reason he had to settle issues right then and there. Never giving Johnny the time he needed to come to his own conclusions. "What could we have done different?"

"Well maybe if I didn't have to ask you for every item out of the box sometimes it would go faster." Johnny knew as soon as he said it that he was wrong. It wasn't Dwyer's fault the man died from his massive heart attack. But nothing seemed to go smoothly, seamlessly like it did before. Before. Once again his heart just seemed to hurt.

It had been seven months now and he had tried. He promised Roy he would try but it wasn't working anymore. As he drove down the road, ignoring his partner, he made a final decision.

* * *

"John please don't do this," Hank said, holding his letter of resignation from the paramedic program in his hand.

"I have to Cap. I just can't do it anymore. I started out as a rescue man and that's what I want to go back to."

Hank could see that there was no changing his mind, "Okay. I'll work it out with the Chief."

"I want it to be effective immediately. No more squad runs." Johnny almost felt relief with the decision on the table. No more climbing into the squad and having that split second of thinking Roy was beside him. Every single time he went through it.

"Okay John." Hank knew this was coming and honestly he was surprised that it took this long. His knew the dark headed paramedic's heart was no longer in the program and hadn't been for a long time.

* * *

Johnny opened his door and was greeted by Maxie mewing like he hadn't been fed in a month.

"Okay, okay. I'll get you some food, calm down." He said as he tried to side step around the little fur ball who was constantly under his feet. He poured out some fresh cat food into his bowl.

"There ya go." He walked over to the message machine and pressed the play back button.

_Johnny, its Roy. I really need to talk to ya Junior. Call me back today okay? _

Johnny sat on the couch, exhausted and not really knowing what to do. He told Cap he hadn't called Roy back but in reality he had tried. Every time he called Joanne answered the phone. She was short and curt with him, telling him she would give Roy the message. It was his assumption that Roy never even got the messages. Today he was just too tired to play her game and he soon fell asleep on the couch.

* * *

His shifts seemed to go smoother being on the Engine, a hose jockey and a rescue man. He was back to his roots and although he still ran straight for the Squad when the tones sounded he knew it was the best thing for him to do. He remained quiet around the A-shift family, joining in from time to time but never really the jovial lighthearted soul he used to be. The rest of the guys had agreed to treat him normally but not push him about the medic or Roy issue which seemed to put him at ease a little more.

Another month passed by and Roy's name was never mentioned anymore, mostly out of respect for Johnny. Dwyer had a new full time partner named Murray. He fit right in the pigeon spot that Johnny once occupied which made Chet happy once again.

"Heya Johnny, how's it going?" Mike said in the locker room one morning.

"Good Mike, you?" Johnny was in an okay mood today.

"I'm going to have a cookout at my new place next weekend, will you come?" Mike had tried for weeks to get Johnny to get out and do something.

"I'll see if I have anything planned," Johnny said. "Thanks Mike."

"Sure thing Johnny. I hope you can come over." Mike just sighed, the same reply each time, knowing his friend wouldn't come.

Johnny moved out into the bay for roll call then into the dorm to get his chore for the day over with. He changed all the sheets first, one bed at a time. Then worked on sweeping the floor. As he pushed the broom under his own bed he knocked a little tiny box out. He froze in place for a moment, knowing what it was. He bent down to pick it up, it must have fallen out of his coat pocket last shift. Lifting the lid, praying it was still there, he saw Roy's medic pen. Taking it in his hand he sat down on his bed and looked over to Roy's.

"God Roy I almost lost it. I lost you and Jo and the kids, I can't lose this too. What am I going to do?" He whispered. "One more day. I give it one more day. If I don't change my mind today then I'm done. I just can't stand to be here anymore alone, not in this station or this town."

From the locker room Chet watched him place the pin in his shirt pocket. He would do anything to help his friend feel better but he didn't know what to do. He had even tried to call Roy himself only to be stopped mid sentence by Joanne about how Roy was too busy to come to the phone. Moving back into the dayroom he vowed to stick close to Johnny today and make sure nothing happened to him. Then he would talk to Cap.

Before chores could be finished the tones sounded, "Station 51, Engine 110, Station 86, Battalion 9, Truck 91. Structure fire ………….time out 0857.

Johnny leapt into the truck, opposite of Chet but avoided eye contact with him as he put on his turnout coat and hat. His mind was now focused on the job ahead. The tones indicated that it was something big.


	17. Chapter 17

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Friendship between humans can reach out farther than anyone can imagine. To find the one that needs them in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times."_

* * *

Chapter 17

_**Let's step back in time just a little and see how the DeSoto's are doing shall we….**_

Joanne pressed her legs against Roy's just enough to try and make her point which didn't seem to work as they were propped up on the coffee table and she was being ignored. She was trying to vacuum and he was like another piece of furniture sitting around the house.

"Do you mind?" She said curtly.

He didn't even look up, simply put his feet down and continued to stare at the television. She was frustrated beyond belief.

"Why don't you run pick up the kids from school for me while I finish this up?" Anything to get him up and off the couch for a change.

"Okay," he said devoid of emotion.

"Roy?"

He turned back to her but didn't say anything.

"I love you baby," she said.

"I love you too," he answered in the same tone then turned and left the house.

She sighed deeply. This was not going according to plan. All she wanted was her family together again, everyone happy, everyone safe. She sat down on the couch and began to cry when the phone started ringing.

She slammed down the phone. They kept calling, all of them. Didn't they get it that they were trying to start a new life? Why did they keep trying to track him down? Couldn't they just leave him alone? She pushed her shoulders back, he belonged to her and they weren't going to get him.

* * *

Roy pulled up into the pickup lane of the school and turned off the engine. He smiled as he saw Jenny running down the sidewalk until he realized she was crying. She jumped into the front seat with big crocodile tears running down her face. He was instantly leaning over to her.

"Jenn, what's wrong sweetie? What happened?" This wasn't the first time he had picked her up crying so he knew what was coming.

"Mrs. Kelly hates me daddy," she sobbed.

"Jenny, I'm sure she doesn't hate you honey. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Tell me what happened." He spoke softly to her even though everything inside of him wanted to scream.

"Just like last time daddy, that stupid Mike talked to me and she yelled at me. I wasn't even talking to him. But Mike talks all the time."

Roy just smiled with an fond inside memory. "I'll talk to her again okay?"

"No daddy, no. Don't." Jenny shook her head fervently. "Then she's just even more mad at me." She started crying again.

"Shh, Jenn. I won't this time, okay. But I will if things don't get better."

She wiped away her tears just as Chris climbed into the backseat.

"Hey there Chris how did your day….." He paused as he saw the shiner that Chris sported on his left eye. "Well, guess that answers my question huh?"

"Sorry dad but it wasn't my fault," Chris started right off.

"Of course not," Roy said. It was always something now. "Tell me what happened."

Jenny jumped up and looked in the back seat, "That's from where that bully took his lunch money."

Roy whipped around, "What?"

"Shut up Jenn," Chris barked.

Being yelled at Jenny lunged into Roy's arms, crying hard again. "I wanna go home. I miss my friends and I miss Unkle Johnny, Daddy. Please take us home."

Roy felt deeply for his broken hearted little princess but he couldn't tell them how he also felt.

"Dad, can we? Can you take us home?" Chris sounded so hopeful.

"Mommy won't let us, I know she won't," Jenny said between the heaves of her sobs.

"Shut up Jenn. Dads the boss of our house, not mom!"

"Both of you settle down right now. Yelling at each other isn't going to help anything okay? Let's get this straightened out before we get home." Last thing he wanted was another fight with Joanne over the kids, the apartment, the town, or their jobs.

It took another twenty minutes in the car for Roy to get the gist of what was going on at school and try to form a plan on making it better. You'd think that after six months here things would settle down but it had done anything but.

Dinner was quiet as Joanne brooded over what had happened at school, mostly over the fact that he was staying silent about most of it. The silence, she hated it. He never expressed anger, he agreed with everything she wanted, and stayed close to home. But on the other hand but he also expressed little emotion at all, never bantered with her over what he preferred, and worst of all…he wouldn't leave the house. He had made no new friends, not even one and he just sat around all day and night. Especially at night…nothing else happened anymore.

While he sat like a bump on a log watching the TV she decided to stay in the kitchen and clean it up. The phone rang. She lunged for it quickly, like she usually did, before Roy would hunt for the phone on more rings. She quickly glanced into the living room.

"He's not here…yes I will give him the message…bye," she spoke quietly then hung up the phone to finish cleaning the kitchen. Afterwards she came into the living room and sat down to watch TV with him.

He looked over to her with eyes full of anger. "So, have any plans on telling me who the hell called?"

She was taken aback by his sudden flash of anger, "What …"

"Don't what me, who called?" He was on his feet now feeling enraged at her.

"Roy what are you so upset about," she said. She had wanted him to react to something for months now but not like this.

He paced the floor then turned to her, "We have some things to talk about, and right now."

* * *

_**Back to the present….**_

The structure was fully involved when 110 arrived unloaded, and geared up. Robinson grabbed his assigned partner for this call.

"Ready Clark?" he said sarcastically then laughed.

Clark smiled, "Let's go."

Mike pulled the engine up to the scene and they saw that they were part of the third alarm with other engines and squads already here. Mike jumped out to drop the line then pulled forward to the engines position. Everyone jumped out, pulled on tanks and masks and waited for position placements by their Captain. Johnny moved over by Chet, who he usually pulled hoses with now while Marco would work with Hank.

Hank pulled out his HT and announced their arrival to the Battalion Chief and waited for orders where to move into the scene.

"Kelly, Gage, take the south side entrance 4rd floor. Me and Lopez will head towards the north end. Mike," he called backwards. "Charge those lines." The four men then headed off into the building.

Climbing up to the 3th floor Hank and Marco joined the men from 86 putting out hot spots. The roof and 5th floor were now fully involved and there fire teams fighting from all fronts, inside and out. Chet and Johnny moved to the 4rd floor and positioned themselves just down the corridor from the men from 110 in fighting the beast. There was more active burning on this floor and the heat was intense. The kind of heat that made you think the mask on your face would melt right off. Then add to that the black thick smoke making their way difficult. Chet manned the front of the hose; Johnny was close at this back with one hand on his shoulder, the other holding the hose as they inched their way forward.

Down below them Marco and Hank had to keep dodging the falling pieces of wall and ceiling as the structure continued to be weakened by the flames. Marco worked his way forward, Hank at this back when suddenly his foot fell through the floor. He fell into knee level when Hank grabbed the back of his coat and pulled him back up to his feet.

"Thanks Cap," he called thickly through his mask.

"You okay?" He called back to Marco.

Marco put his weight on his ankle and fell forward, "Think I did my ankle in Cap."

Hank nodded, "I think this floor is about to go." He knew the hot lumber falling from above meant that the internal floors weren't going to last much longer. Picking up his HT he called in his report.

Above them Johnny and Chet were coming to the same conclusions when their HT called for the evacuation of the building. Chet turned back, "Let's get out of here."

Johnny nodded and looked up to see the group of men from 110 moving towards them, three were hose jockeys, one with a helmet indicating he was a medic. He waved to them to indicate they were heading out. One motioned back feverntly and was yelling something but he couldn't anything he was saying.

They waved and yelled back indicating they were heading out. As they got closer Johnny and Chet could see they were all yelling frantically now. Johnny and Chet were heading towards the stairs coming from one direction and 110 from the other. The 110 men were now running, Johnny wasn't sure why but he could feel their sense of urgency and he and Chet started running too.

Chet heard the roar behind them and with trepidation he looked backwards at what was pursuing them and started screaming at Johnny, "RUN!!!"

Johnny didn't even look back to see but he knew it was coming faster than his own running. The floor was rumbling under his feet. He heard Chet yell one more time and in the same second he glance back only to see that Chet had disappeared through the floor. In the same instant Johnny felt the floor go out underneath him. The last thing he heard was his name being yelled as he plummeted to the floor below.

Dover, Clark and Robinson from 110 knelt next to the edge of the hole and looked down, watching in horror as they continued to fall. "Johnny!" One of them cried out knowing he couldn't catch him.

* * *

Hank looked up when he heard the cracking and breaking of the ceiling far ahead of him. The rumbling was clear but when followed by the loud crash they knew something had given way. He continued to move as fast as he could with Marco leaning against him, limping on one foot They could hear the ceiling coming down behind them.

The men from 110 had tried to warn the men in front of them only to then watch their bodies disappear into the cavern. But with horror they watched them impact on the 3nd floor only for it to give way for them to plummet down the 2nd floor. They looked down to see the crumpled and unmoving bodies of the two men.

Hank and Marco worked their way out of the building and around to the front.

Mike ran up to them, "What happened?" He knew he had only that only two of his shift mates had come out of the building so far and Marco was hurt. He reached out an arm to help Hank move him over to the squad where Dwyer and Brice were running 51 today. They gently lowered Marco down for the medics to take care of him.

Suddenly Hank's HT squawked, "Men down! We have two men down, south side, 2nd floor!"

He picked his up, "51 to Gage, Kelly." He got no response. He repeated it, "51 to Gage and Kelly, do you read?"

Hank glanced back at Mike and they both started running to the front door where Chet and Johnny had entered only to be stopped by the Chief.

"Whoa there Hank, 110's got men inside already to work the rescue. We can't risk anyone else right now." He could see Hank didn't like the decision.

"Chief, do we know who's down yet?" Marco asked anxiously.

He shook his head, "Not yet. We should hear soon." He got back on the HT calling for an all stations head count.

110 ran through Hanks mind. His men and 110 were the only ones on that side "Oh God," he whispered his heart pounding in his chest.


	18. Chapter 18

_Goodbye and Hello_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing." Gloria Naylor._

_This is a long chapter for you. I really want to know what you think about it :)_

* * *

Chapter 18

Johnny heard his name called through the dark smoke before his body impacted with the first floor. Amazingly he remained conscious as the floor immediately gave way under him and felt himself continue to fall. It only took an instant for the realization of what was happening for him to know that this might be his last fire, his last injury. In that instant he thought of his best friend Roy and called out to him in his mind, to save him. Darkness took him as his body hit the last floor with a brutal impact.

As soon as the bodies hit the bottom the men from 110 ran down the stairs to the second floor. Two drug the hose with them, wetting down the path before them as they searched for their comrades. When they reached them they were easily found as most of the debris was underneath them. Neither man was moving.

Dover radioed in the two men down call and turned to Clark who was already at their sides. He was the medic of the group and got to work right away at assessing their injuries. Chet was closest to him, he felt for a pulse, yes, thank God one was there. His head was mostly protected from his helmet although he would have at least a concussion. Clark quickly ran his hands across his body, broken shoulder and collar bone, broken ribs, his breathing was slightly labored, nothing obvious on his abdomen but that didn't mean much right off the bat. His right leg was broken with an open fracture.

He turned around, "I need backboards, c-collars and leg splints right now to get them out of here." He looked back down to see Chet stirring.

"Chet, don't move. You're hurt but we're gonna get you out of here."

Chet looked up, the smoke thick was burning his eyes. He blinked several times not sure what to say.

"Take it easy pally," the paramedic said smiling at him.

Chet nodded slightly, grimaced and managed to creek out a small smile. He knew he would be okay now. Then he fell back into unconsciousness.

Clark next moved over to Johnny. He carefully removed his facemask which now had a big crack in it, his helmet already knocked off somewhere in the process of the fall. He ran his finger along the deep laceration on his forehead, brushing the dark sweat soaked curly hair from his face.

"Johnny?" He called to him but got no response at all. He continued his exam. There was blood in his ears but he couldn't tell where it was coming from, his pupils sluggish but reactive. He gently palpated the broken ribs, his markedly labored breathing indicated the probability of a collapsed lung. There was a large abrasion and contusion across his abdomen so surely internal injuries were likely. He also had one broken leg and ankle.

Robinson and Dover came up behind him with the equipment and he worked at getting them secured for transport. His eyes staying concentrated on Johnny at all times.

"Okay, let's get um out of here," he called out. The building was deteriorating around them and time was running out fast now. The quickest path and only available route took them to the back side of the building where they hurried out into the fresh air. They placed the two victims down at the side of the nearest squad and Clark started pulling out boxes with the other's help. His partner for the shift had already left with another fireman down leaving him alone at the moment to work.

Thank goodness Dover was skilled at assisting the paramedics and was quickly pulling out IV supplies for him. His captain came jogging over to the squad to see what was going on. Looking down at the two injured for a fraction of a second he was just grateful it wasn't his own men but any fireman down was heart wrenching for him. No Captain liked to see another fireman hurt.

Seeing who the injured men were Captain Powter knelt down next to the medic, "Can you handle this?"

He looked up, his face full of stress and worry, "Yes Cap." His voice was confident. He knew he was the lifeline for both of these men and had no intentions of losing them.

Powter got on the bio-phone and connected them to Rampart, "Rampart this is Squad 110. Do you read?"

"Go ahead 110," Joe Early's voice came across.

"Rampart we have two firemen down." Powter gave the report of injuries as relayed by Clark. He knew this was hard on this paramedic as he knew both of the injured men. He then passed all the orders to the medic.

The IV's were started, their vital signs were precarious. Both were in shock and their conditions continued to worsen right before his eyes. "Come on you two, don't do this to me," he whispered. Looking up he saw the ambulance attendants coming up behind him. He was ready to move them out. He knew the sooner the better.

Hank was pacing now on the verge of going into the building himself, against orders, when the Chief came running over.

"Chief?" Hank said anxiously.

He knew what Hank wanted to hear and he was never so grateful as to give him the news himself, "It was Gage and Kelly."

Hank, Mike and Marco had a flash of panic across their faces.

"They got um out," he paused to make sure they were hearing him at this point. "Their both alive."

"Where are they?" Hank asked.

"Other side of the building," he motioned with his head. "They have a paramedic with them."

Hank slapped him on the shoulder with a big grin on his face, "Thanks Chief."

Hank turned to Marco as they were now loading him onto a stretcher for transport, "We'll see you there pally."

Marco just nodded, still worried about his friends. Mike and Hank took off in a run to get around the building.

He climbed in the back of the ambulance with his two patients. As he watched the doors close he could see Hank and Mike running up. Dover slapped the back of the doors and the ambulance pulled out before they could reach it.

"Damn," Hank said watching the ambulance pull out before seeing his men. He turned to Powter, "How are they Kyle?"

He never wanted to give bad news but he knew that Hank would want the truth, "Critical Hank, looks bad."

Hank and Mike went back to the engine. With three of the crew down the Chief put them 10-8 to Rampart and possibly for the rest of the shift if he couldn't find replacements. They pulled in lines and gathered up the supplies in a hurry knowing this was not where they wanted to be.

Brice took the squad in followed by Mike and Hank. The ride was quiet as they worried about their friends. Hank was more dismayed by what was happening to this family. It seemed to be falling apart. He was concerned about both men but he was very concerned about Johnny. The young man was already deeply depressed and Hank felt he was on the verge of quitting all together. Now hurt? Without Roy here, how would he find the will power to overcome this? He made a mental note to track down Roy as soon as they had a report on Johnny knowing he would want to know.

* * *

He sat in the back of the ambulance tending to his patients, monitoring vital signs, checking fluids and talking to both of them. He couldn't believe this was happening. They had to make it.

"Squad 110 to Rampart," he called in.

"Go ahead 110," Early answered.

"Rampart. Vitals on victim one are now pulse 130, respirations 8 and very labored, BP 70/50. Feel that he will need an airway soon."

"Go ahead with airway when indicated 110. Open IV to wide open. What is your ETA?"

"10-4 on the IV wide open and airway. ETA 7 minutes."

Johnny was fading, his vital signs weakening and it was killing this man who was fighting to save his life.

"Come on, I know you can fight this Johnny. Don't give up. I'm here," he said quietly.

As he squeezed his shoulder Johnny stopped breathing. Skillfully and quickly he placed the airway and handed the ambu bag to the attendant to give him the breaths.

* * *

The ambulance was greeted by Nurse Carol and Joe Early. He smiled at the medic for only a moment then looked down at who the injured men were. He shook his head knowing how hard this was for this particular medic. They got them into treatment rooms just as Brackett came off the elevator.

"Joe, what you got?" Brackett called out.

"Kel, it's Johnny and Chet. If you'll take Chet I'll get Johnny. Looks like he has a head injury."

Brackett just wanted to cuss up a storm as he entered the treatment room. They had moved Chet to the exam table. "Chet? Can you hear me?" He asked.

Chet moaned. Good, he was at least trying to come around.

"Carole, let's get a skull film, chest and that leg first." He then proceeded to do a complete physical exam and worked to stabilize his vital signs.

Joe went into Johnny's room while the medic moved to the head of his bed, staying close to him. It didn't even occur to Carole to ask him to move. He assisted them in hooking Johnny up to the monitors while Joe began his exam. An alarm sounded.

"His heart rate is 50," Clark said urgently.

Joe moved to the head of his bed and placed an endotrachael tube in his airway and handed the ambu bag to the medic. He began the rhythmic breaths to the unconscious man before him. His heart aching for his friend. The improved ventilation to his lungs helped to temporarily stabilize his heart rate.

Joe examined his head wound and the blood from his ears, "Carole, get us set up for an emergency look at his head." He looked up, "I'm not convinced the blood is from his head."

The medic nodded. He then moved over as the respiratory therapist came in with the ventilator to get Johnny hooked up.

"His right lung is down, several broken ribs." He moved down to his abdomen. "It's now firm, he's bleeding internally." He looked back up again. "We need to operate right away to stop the bleeding."

"Dr. Early, his pressure is down to 50/30."

Joe motioned to Clark, "Get that plasmanate started. Carole start a second IV and run it wide open. We have to get his pressure stabilized for him to tolerate the surgery. We also need 6 units of blood."

"Dr. the lab says we are short of AB positive."

The medic who watched him intently knew how to fix that, "Give him mine."

This man standing here was the help Johnny needed. In more ways than one.

Hank and Mike entered the waiting room and headed for the nurses desk.

"Hey fellows," Dixie said as she was just coming on duty. The fact that Hank and Mike were here meant something had gone wrong for the 51 crew. "What happened?" Instantly concerned.

"Marco is here with a hurt ankle," he said then took a deep breath. "Chet and Johnny. They fell through two floors in a building fire. We wanted to check on how they were doing."

Johnny? She felt her heart skip a couple of beats. "I just got here but let me find out what's going on okay." She hurried down the hall into the treatment rooms.

The first one she came too had Marco in it. "Marco? How are you doing?" She asked with concern. He looked okay, covered with black soot and exhausted but otherwise okay.

"Doc says I've twisted my ankle but at least it's not broken. How's Johnny and Chet?" The worry was obvious in his eyes for his friends.

"I don't know yet but Hank and Mike are here. I'll send them in." She said as she patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks Dixie," he smiled back at her.

She moved back into the hallway. "Guys," she called to the desk. "Marco's in here. You can check on him while I find the other two okay?"

They nodded. At least they had found one missing friend.

Dixie then went straight across the hall to find Chet with Brackett. He looked up to see her come in, "Dix, glad you're here."

"How is he Kel?" She said as she moved to his side and put her hand on his shoulder.

He stirred and opened his eyes. "Chet?" She spoke softly to him.

"Roy?"

Dixie laughed at looked at Kel, "I hope he has a head injury."

He just smiled, "Yea, but don't feel special he called me Roy too."

She smiled, "And we're surprised that is who he's looking for when he's hurt?"

"Guess not," Brackett said.

"Hank and Mike are here and wanted an update."

"He's on his way to surgery. Broken compound fracture of the leg. He also has a concussion, some broken ribs and a punctured lung. They will put his chest tube in upstairs. Fractured collar bone and shoulder. He took a pretty good beating."

"Hank said they fell through two floors at a fire. It's a miracle their even alive."

Brackett motioned to the door, "I don't think Johnny came out of the building so lucky, he's in 4."

Dixie left the room and took a deep breath. It was so hard to think of Johnny hurt. He was like a part of her own family. And now? How would he get through this without Roy? She had seen the change in him over the last few months and then was shocked when Kel had told her that Johnny actually quit the paramedic program. They had met with him, both of them, trying to convince him to stay on. But he was no longer the same Johnny that they had come to know and love here at the hospital.

She entered the room to find Johnny on the table, pale, diaphoretic and unconscious. His cut up turn out coat now laying on the floor. Her eyes tracked around the room to find Joe at the x-ray box looking at his recent films, then she looked at the paramedic at the head of his bed and froze.

Hank saw Dixie come out of Johnny's room and come down the hallway towards the waiting room. They had moved out there when Marco was taken for his cast.

"Dixie?" Hank asked, a knot growing in his gut over her expression.

"Hank," she said, sitting down in the chair next to him.

"Chet's in surgery now. He's critical but all his injuries are fixable. It will just take time for him to heal." She took a deep breath. "Johnny's worse, he has a head injury, collapsed lung and had to be put on the ventilator when they brought him in. It looks like he has internal injuries so they are taking him up to the OR now."

They all looked up to see Johnny being wheeled into the staff elevator. Hank watched the medic move into the elevator with him, staying right by his side. He wasn't sure who he was until he saw the back of his coat more clearly, Clark. Hank knew him from the 110 station.

He and Mike stood up with Dixie at his side.

"Why don't you guys get some coffee then come up to the ICU waiting room. I'll let you know as soon as they get out of surgery."

The two men nodded, knowing that there was nothing else they could do right now. They left the little waiting room and headed for the cafeteria. First Hank had a phone call to make.

* * *

He stood outside the OR and paced. His two friends were in there, fighting for their lives. It was horrible seeing them go down. He had tried to yell and warn them of the danger behind them but it hadn't worked. He didn't reach them soon enough and then he had to watch them fall, crashing through another floor to the bottom. The image replayed in his mind over and over. He didn't know what he would do if they didn't make it. If Johnny didn't make it.


	19. Chapter 19

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_There can be fun surprising but we don't have to be dumbfounded." Kenneth Sparling._

_I hope this chapter answers some of your questions from the last one!_

* * *

Chapter 19

It was hard to pace with a phone in your ear but Hank sure tried. It was ringing but he felt highly impatient right now.

"Hello?"

"Joanne?"

"Yes," she said.

"Joanne, its Hank. I need to talk to Roy."

Before he could finish she interrupted him, "He's not here." But instead of the usual blow off this time she sounded mad. Roy had lied to her!

Hank was bordering on furious himself. He did not have time for her childish games right now. "Joanne this is an emergency put him on the phone right now," Hank yelled this time.

Just great she thought. First her husband decides to start biting her head off last week but after what he pulled last night she didn't give a crap about any stupid emergency. "What emergency?" She decided to ask anyway.

Hank was fuming now to the point that Mike was on his feet seeing his Captain boarding on rage.

"Cap?" Mike asked.

Hank took a deep breath and waved down his worried engineer, "It's Johnny, he's been critically injured in a fire this morning. So, please, put him on the phone."

There were a few seconds of silence on the phone and Hank was just about to start yelling again when he heard the soft "Oh God." She sat down in the chair in the kitchen, Roy's words from the day before echoing in her head. "Hank I don't understand," she finally said. "Why don't you know where he is?"

Now that caught him off guard, "Why would I know where he is?"

She began to cry, "Because he left me yesterday."

* * *

Brackett finished up his sutures on Chet. The exploratory look at his abdomen revealed no critical internal bleeding, his liver and spleen were bruised but he didn't have any trouble stopping the bleeding. He was able to leave his spleen intact. His two broken ribs had only caused a mild pneumothorax and right now he didn't require a chest tube but they would have to watch him closely. He looked up to the orthopedic surgeon who would be moving in behind him. "Take good care of him Bill."

"I will Kel, don't worry. His breaks look pretty clean. I don't think I will have much problem getting them to heal up. I hear he's a pretty lucky guy."

Brackett smiled, "This particular bunch of hose jockeys are always pushing the envelope of lucky. Catch ya later Bill." He then wanted to check on Johnny over in the adjacent OR where Early was with him. Johnny's injuries had sounded more serious and Brackett was already concerned about the young man seeing what had happened over the last few months. He remembered the conversation that he and Dixie had with him when they found out he had quit the paramedic program. Nothing they said would change the young man's mind. Dixie had commented after he left that it was like he was grieving, like Roy had died instead of having just moved out of town. Only later were they able to piece the puzzle together and find out more details on what had happened over Roy's sudden departure from the program and the department. They all knew it was devastating emotionally to Johnny which led him to his concern now. Johnny had never been really hurt without Roy at his side encouraging him to recover. What would happen now?

He changed his mask and rewashed his hands before entering the next OR. He saw that Bill had already been here and fixed his leg and ankle which was now freshly casted. What concerned him was the look in Joe's eyes.

"Joe," he greeted him. Looking over he was glad to see that Dixie was also part of the scrub team helping out, "Dix." He winked at her.

"This is a mess Kel," he shook his head as he continued to probe into Johnny's abdomen.

Dixie was keeping count of the used sponges and was alarmed at the rapidly growing number of them, saturated with his blood.

Brackett motioned to the nurse for a gown and set of gloves. After she assisted him with getting them on he moved to the other side of the table, across from Joe. "What'cha got?"

"This rib punctured his lung and lacerated his liver. I'm having trouble controlling the bleeding long enough to get the sutures in. I've already had to remove his spleen but his kidneys are now showing signs of ischemic trauma. If we don't get the blood supply improved to them the damage could be permanent."

Kel made a low growl. He looked up to see blood infusing, "Do we have enough blood?"

"Yes Kel, he's on his 4th unit now," Dixie answered him.

"Damn," Kel said. "Here let me hold this while you suture. What's his pressure?" He asked the anesthetist.

"70/40 doctor."

It was still too low, "Get another unit of Plasmanate going now." Kel barked. Time was running out. The team moved in closer, fighting for this man's life, not only because it was their job but because of who he was to them.

* * *

Joanne sat in the kitchen and cried when Hank hung up the phone. Everything had fallen apart. Oh it was good for about a month. Roy moved up with them and she knew that he was putting everything he had into making it work. But it didn't last long. First he had a terrible time finding a job and when he did, she knew he hated it. Roy was just not a desk jockey and he was going stir crazy. They were still stuck in a stupid apartment until the house in Carson sold so he didn't have a yard to get out and expel his energy. Over time it had taken a toll on him and his mood darkened. She knew he never took it out on the kids; in fact he seemed to be best buddies with them. It was her that took the brunt of his frustrations. She quit her job to be at home again but for them to afford the rent and the house payment he had to take a second job. That was when the depression and silence started.

Nothing she tried made a difference and after a few months she knew that even she had stopped trying. She had considered many times telling him about the phone calls. She knew he had been trying to reach Johnny. But she so desperately wanted them to start over, to leave the world of firefighting behind them. Then last week when he came home with Jenny crying and Chris bruised up from a fight he had exploded after hearing her divert a call.

"_How many times has he called?" He had demanded to know._

"_I don't know, some but I thought you were already calling him." She knew it was a lie but he was mad herself now._

"_How dare you even think you can keep me from my friends. I told you I would leave the job but not my friends behind. So I'm telling you right now things are going to change."_

_Then the earful started of what would change. She wasn't to divert calls anymore; she was to change the kids to another school. She was to get a part time job and help pay the mortgage until the house was sold_.

It was then that he gave her an ultimatum. Things would get better or he was going back to LA. It didn't take long either. She didn't want to work again, the school options for the kids was very limited in this little town so all they could do was change classes, and the phone never rang again for him. That was when he sat her down early yesterday and told her his news.

"_Jo, I've taken the house off the market and will be moving back down to LA tonight. This isn't working, not for me or for Jenn and Chris. We tried to make it work but what you want from me is just not what I can give you. It's like I'm being torn apart from the inside between here and there. Jo, something is telling me I have to be there. It's reached the point that I'm afraid for Johnny's life."_

"_Johnny! This is over him?!" She yelled._

"_No this isn't all about him but it is about my gut telling me that something is very wrong. I keep trying to reach him but he won't call me back. It's about my job and who I am Jo. You should know by now that being a fireman and paramedic is part of my blood, it's not my job, it's my life. One day I might lose my life doing it but I could also die walking across the street here. I plan to spend the rest of my time doing what is so important to me. If you can't understand that then you never will."_

_She just cried. He was really leaving this time._

"_I've already done all the paperwork to return to the department. I've also already taken the house off the market. I'm leaving tonight Jo and this last part is not negotiable because it will happen."_

_When he told her his last demand she ran out the door, she was losing everything._

* * *

He paced outside the OR almost frantic over how long it was taking. He tried to reach him in time but he had failed him. His friend. That image of him falling would never leave his mind and if Johnny didn't make it through this he would never forgive himself for being so stupid.

"How are ya doing son?"

He turned around to the voice to see Chief McConnikee coming up behind him, "Okay sir."

"Any word on Gage or Kelly yet?" He asked the deeply concerned man, seeing the exhaustion in his eyes.

"Not yet Chief," he said holding his head down. "I did want to thank you though for getting me on shift so quick. That must have taken some major string pulling you did there."

The Chief smiled, "Well, you were pretty convincing last night and now after seeing this." He looked to the OR doors, "Remind me to never doubt your gut instinct again, ever."

He didn't smile back, "My gut didn't help him this time. I couldn't reach him before…" He couldn't finish, the tears were welling up in his blue eyes now.

Shaking his head, "Son, you were there immediately to treat him. Neither man would have gotten the emergency care they needed so quickly. Don't beat yourself up over this."

He tried to believe the older man but his heart was hurting and until he knew for sure they would be okay he couldn't feel good about anything.

The Chief took him by the shoulder and pushed him around to see the name stenciled on the back of his turn out coat, "Clark huh?"

Now he smiled, "Well, everything just happened so fast this morning Cap told me to grab a coat."

"We'll get your gear straightened out before next shift. Next time a little more warning would be nice though," the Chief said grinning.

"There won't be a next time Chief that I can guarantee you." The medic said with a great air of satisfaction.


	20. Chapter 20

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_It's even closer than a family reunion. We've had an experience that draws us even closer than brothers." Wilburn Snyder._

Thanks for all the reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed my surprise! Keep up the reviews, it always help the next chapter come just a little faster ;)

* * *

Chapter 20

Hank hung up the phone with his jaw half slacked in shock at what she had just told him. He turned to the fretful face of Mike then noticed that Marco was hobbling towards them with his crutches and wrapped up foot.

"Cap, any word yet?" Marco asked, unaware of the phone call that had just happened.

Hank didn't really hear him, "He left her."

Mike's eyes got wide, "What?"

Marco was lost, "Who?"

He turned towards them, "Joanne just said that Roy left her last night. She thought he was with us."

Marco wanted to jump for joy but decided now wasn't the time or place, "Things must have gotten a lot worse for him to make that decision."

"Why would she think he was with us Cap?" Mike knew they hadn't heard anything about Roy being back in town.

"I don't know Mike, by then she was crying too much to talk anymore." Hank sat down. Roy had left but where was he? He couldn't believe he wouldn't have tried to contact him. "Maybe he's at home." He stood up and went back to the phone on the wall. But when he dialed the number it was still disconnected. "Damn," where is he? Hank thought.

* * *

Kel put the final sutures into Johnny. "I don't like it Joe. His pressure is still too low despite the volume and blood replacement." They moved away from the table and began pulling off their blood soaked gowns. "What about his head?"

"We sutured up the laceration. Right now there's no evidence of bleeding in the brain but he did suffer a skull fracture."

Kel shook his head, "I repeat, I don't like it."

"We've done all we can Kel. Now it's up to Johnny," Joe said.

"That's what bothers me. He was already depressed. I'm not really sure he has enough will power to fight this alone."

Joe smiled, "Oh, he won't be alone."

Kel looked up, "Oh, I know the fellows from 51 will be there with him. I'm just not sure that will be enough. If you know what I mean." Joe and Dixie knew exactly what he meant. Once out of the OR room door they washed up at the sink then Dixie took him by the arm. "I think you're in need of a little surprise Dr. Brackett."

"What?" He said as Joe and Dixie started to drag him out of the OR suite.

He looked up to see a fireman in a turn out coat, leaning against the wall, his back to them. A coat marked 'Clark', someone he didn't know. He was hunched over some and didn't hear them approach.

Dixie got a big ole smile on her face as Brackett watched, "Someone here want a report now?"

They all watched the sturdy build, blue eyed, slightly thinning on top man turn around. His eyes wet with tears.

"Dix?" He said softly.

Brackett pulled his arm away from Dixie, his eyes wide with surprise. He thought he was seeing a ghost. "Roy?"

Roy smiled back at them, "Heya doc." He said but the sadness remained in his voice.

Kel moved towards him and embraced his friend with a strong hug then pushed him back, "Who the hell is Clark?"

He just wiggled his head, "Long story doc. How's Johnny."

Kel's expression got serious again, "He was hurt pretty bad Roy. Broken ribs, his lung collapsed."

Roy didn't want to be pushy but that's not what he wanted to hear, "I know doc. I'm the one that pulled him out and brought him in."

"Oh," he said but still obviously confused over all this. "He lacerated his liver and lost a great deal of blood. Joe took out his spleen but his body is still in a state of shock over what happened. We're still trying to stabilize him. Roy, he also has a skull fracture and is in a coma. They are moving him to ICU now."

"Is he gonna make it?" He asked, fighting back the despair.

Dixie moved over to take his arm since he looked like he was about to fall over.

His eyes softened, "I don't know Roy. It doesn't look good right now."

"Chet," his voice was even softer now.

"He's stable, already in ICU now. Roy?"

They watched his color become more and more pale, his breathing more rapid, and his eyes glaze over. When he didn't answer Joe reached out to grab his arm but they all wound up reaching for him as he collapsed in the floor.

"Dix, get me a gurney," Kel called out.

"Kel, he's the one that gave Johnny the blood. I bet he hasn't even sat down, much less eaten since then. And if I know Roy he stood in line to give seconds."

Joe relaxed some hearing that. His pulse was steady and his breathing had eased. "I think he passed out Kel."

Dixie came back with two orderlies and a stretcher. They gently lifted him up and placed him on it.

Brackett placed his hand on his chest, "Dix, let's get an IV started in him, D5LR at 100cc/hr and get him a room."

Dixie shook her head, "You know he will want to stay with Johnny." She knew that this was not the time to separate these two friends.

Brackett conceded, "Okay fine but come and get me if he doesn't respond to the fluids and keep a close eye on his vitals."

"Sure thing Kel," she said with a wink and a smile.

* * *

The nurses were busy settling Johnny into his room, hanging new IV fluids, adjusting the ventilator, hooking up his chest tube and getting frequent vital signs when Dixie wheeled Roy in. The look on the charge nurses face was one of utter gall.

"What do you think you are doing? This is a private room," she demanded wanting to know who the unconscious man in uniform was.

Dixie raised her eyebrows, "I'm Dixie McCall and this is Johnny's friend Roy. He saved him today from a burning building and has now passed out from giving his own blood for Johnny. He will be right here until he is ready to leave." She leaned down to Roy, "Roy?" She pushed the blonde wisps of hair from his face.

He started to mumble then coming to with an emergent start he tried to sit up, "Johnny!"

"Shh…Roy. Johnny's right here. Lay down for me." She talked in a soothing voice and he relaxed, looking over to his brother for reassurance.

"This man will not stay here. He is not an ICU patient and Mr. Gage cannot have some stranger hanging around in his room!"

Dixie felt the subtle tensing of muscles under her hand as she gently pushed Roy back down. She didn't raise her voice but spoke in a demanding low tone that would frighten any new nurse back to her mother's arms. "Now, you listen to me Nurse Johnson. This man is not a stranger; he is the only family that John Gage has. His being here has already been approved and ordered by Dr. Brackett. Now, I suggest you get me IV supplies right away for Mr. DeSoto and then continue to see about your own patients."

The nurse no longer dared to question and with a huff moved off to the supply room. Dixie looked back down at Roy to see him smiling at her, "What?" She asked innocently with a shrug of her shoulders.

"What would we do without you Dix?" He said.

"Why I don't know what you're talking about Mr. DeSoto," she said then giggled. His smile was the best thing she had seen in a long time. She brushed his hair back again, "I missed you Roy, welcome back."

He blushed, "Thanks Dix. It's really good to be back."

Nurse Johnson didn't even come back but instead sent the needed supplies by another nurse who then assisted Dixie with starting the IV.

"Aww come on Dix. I just gave blood. I don't need an IV," he whined.

"Just sit back and relax. No sense in fighting it, you know I'll win," she grinned.

He just sighed because he knew she was right. He had given the maximum amount and add to that no sleep the night before, exhausting rescue this morning and now emotionally overwhelmed about Johnny he needed a little pick me up. "Can I at least sit up in the chair?"

She eyed him closely, "Okay but if you fall out in the floor Joe and Kel will have my head."

"You mean the mighty McCall is afraid of someone?"

"Not afraid, just smartly aware."

She helped him sit up, regain his balance and when she was sure he was steady enough she helped him transfer to the chair beside Johnny's bed.

Patting him on the shoulder, "Hank and Mike are here. I'm going to go update them okay? You'll be okay?"

He nodded, "Yea, thanks. Dix?"

She turned around, "Yea?"

"Don't tell um yet I'm here," he winked at her this time. Smiling she left the room.

* * *

Roy stood up, a bit unsteady but he held onto the side of the bed and sat beside Johnny. His color was pale, paler than Roy had ever seen him. The large white bandage wrapped around his head with only a little bit of dark curly hair sticking out of the top. The front of it stained with the blood from the laceration on his forehead that had come through the dressing. His eyes were turning black and blue from the impact of his skull on the floor. His chest was still except for the rhythmic breaths of the respirator with no breaths of his own seen. There was a large dressing on his side which protected his chest tube. Roy followed the tubing down to see the blood draining actively from his chest. He sighed, more blood loss. His abdomen was one big bruise with a dressing in the middle covering the surgical site. Lastly was his leg, now elevated, in a cast. He was battered and bruised almost beyond recognition but Roy still refused to give up on him.

He took his hand, "Johnny, it's me. Roy. I'm here Junior. Please try and hear me. You pulled me out of the pit of darkness and I'm here for you. Please don't give up."

* * *

Hank and Mike paced the waiting room. Marco sat and bounced his good foot until Mike was ready to step on it. It was taking too long. "Why is it taking this long?" Mike asked.

Just then they looked up to see Dixie rounding the corner towards them. They all moved up to meet her.

"Okay fellows, everyone is out of surgery. Chet did well, his internal bleeding was minimal. His broken bones are casted and he's in the ICU recovering. Johnny's being settled in now but he's not doing as well." She looked into their apprehensive eyes, "I'm sorry guys but he lost a lot of blood and we're having a hard time stabilizing his blood pressure. Do you want to see them?"

They all nodded eagerly and then followed her down the hall towards the ICU. She took them to the first room which was Chet. He was trying to wake up from the anesthesia but still heavily sedated. They gathered around his bed.

"Oh man, he's gonna kill um," Mike said.

Hank saw the same thing and smiled, "Well, it will give him something to do when he gets out of here and can't work yet."

Marco just shook his head at the naked upper lip of their friend. They could see the stitches from repairing a laceration.

"Chet?" Hank called him.

Chet groaned a little and tried to open his eyes, "Roy?" he whispered.

Hank looked at the others, "No pally it's me Hank. Don't try and talk. Just wanted to let you know that you're gonna be fine, okay. We're here with you," Hank tried to reassure him.

They all looked at the nurse with their confusion.

"He has a concussion," she said.

They all shrugged, well okay.

Dixie stuck her head in the door, "You want to see Johnny now?"

They moved out into the hallway as Chet was already back fast asleep. Hank shook his head.

"What's wrong Hank?" Dixie asked him.

"I don't know how Johnny is going to make it through this alone." They all knew he meant without Roy.

Dixie smiled, "Oh, he won't be alone. Follow me."

They knew Johnny was in bad shape and prepared themselves to see his broken body. What they didn't expect was too see Clark's turn out coat hanging on the chair with him sitting right next to Johnny, on the bed.

Who the hell is this Clark? Hank thought suddenly feeling very protective of Johnny.

Dixie cleared her throat as they came into the door.

Roy turned around to the faces of friends he has missed more even than he realized until he saw them again. He let out a big smile as the jaws of three men hit the floor. They couldn't believe their own eyes. It was Roy. Roy was Clark? Who was Clark? Now they were surprised and confused.

"Well I'll be! Roy?" Hank spoke first as they rushed forward to him. Roy stood up, holding onto the bed as they bombarded him with back slaps, hugs and shoulder shakes. When his knees buckled under him and he almost hit the floor they all grabbed for him making Marco almost lose his balance in which Mike caught him.

"Whoa whoa, what's wrong Roy?" Hank was instantly concerned. If he was at the fire, was he hurt too?

"I'm okay," he said sitting down again. "I gave Johnny blood and it kinda wiped me out," he said. More than a little embarrassed to make such a deal out of giving blood.

It was then that Hank saw his IV going. "Roy, I don't understand, what happened? How did you wind up here?"

There were so many questions and they all wanted to know the story so he began a brief synopsis of what had happened with Joanne and leaving back for LA. Mike interrupted him, "I know that was hard leaving your kids behind."

Roy smiled, "I didn't. They're with me. Their just staying at the neighbors for my shift."

He continued. "Well I had already filled out the paperwork to come back before I left but I didn't get back into town until nearly morning. I don't know Cap. I just had a bad feeling. So I called the Chief at home and asked if he could get me on shift with Johnny for today. That's when he told me about Johnny leaving the paramedic program." His voice broke slightly but he pressed on. "He said I couldn't get into 51 today but Clark was out sick and I could take his place at 110 for this shift." He patted the coat. "Thus I became Clark for the day."

"Well I'll be damn," Hank muttered.

"I was going to call the station today to tell everyone I was back but we got the call for the fire right off the bat. Next thing I know I wind up with Johnny and Chet on the same floor." He paused. "Cap, I was there when they fell."

Hank knew instantly the pain that he was going through for his friends, for Johnny especially. "Were you the medic on scene with them?"

Roy nodded.

Hank slapped Mike on the shoulder, "We missed him by that much." He showed him two fingers almost pinched together.

Now they turned their eyes to Johnny, "Roy, how is he doing?" Hank asked the question but knew just looking at him that things were grave for the young man.

He lowered his head, "Not very good. He lost so much blood. They said his kidneys are trying to shut down because they can't keep his blood pressure up. He's still not doing any breathing on his own." Roy stood up and leaned closer to him and squeezed his shoulder.

"Junior, everyone is here for you. I'm here. We're waiting for you to fight your way back."

The others, moved by the compassion and depth of their friendship and feeling of family then positioned themselves around his bed. Hank sighed, the family was back together now he just had to get them through the next few days.


	21. Chapter 21

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Behold, I show you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye." Corinthians._

* * *

Chapter 21

Hank, Mike and Marco moved back out to the waiting room to leave Roy alone so he could get some rest. They knew that even though he didn't feel the best that nothing would make him move from his designated spot right now.

"Marco, let Mike take you back to the station. I'll stay here with them," Hank said.

"Cap, I really want to stay," Marco protested.

"Look at that foot," he point at the swollen appendage. "It's already twice as big as it should be. You're going to have Dixie after my hide if you don't get some rest."

Marco had to admit it was officially killing him and going home sounded good but a big part of him felt terrible for leaving Chet and Johnny. He looked up as Hank put his hand on his shoulder, "You're not abandoning them pally. Look at it this way, when the rest of us are back at work you can keep them company when we can't."

Marco smiled. His Cap could read him like a book. "Okay Cap. It's a deal but you'll let me know how their doing right?"

"Better believe it," Hank said with a smile. He turned back to his engineer who also was balking at leaving but understood that one the engine needed to be returned to the station and two that they needed to take care of Marco. "Thanks Mike."

"I'll be back in a little bit. I'll help him get home and settled in first," Mike said. As soon as they left Hank headed back to sit with Chet. First he moved to the glass window of Johnny's room and watched Roy. He wanted to make sure that he was doing well enough to stay there with him. Dixie was with him, checking on his IV and giving him a blanket to rest. Johnny's monitors were free of alarms right now so Hank went to take his position across from Chet.

* * *

Roy awoke to the sounds of someone stirring in the room and looked up to see Johnny moving around in the bed. Standing up he realized that Johnny's eyes were still closed but he was restless. He pushed the nurses call button and began talking to his friend to try and calm him. As soon as the initial anesthesia had worn off Roy's calming voice would help Johnny wait until the next pain medicine was due.

"He's in a coma, he can't hear what you're saying," Nurse Johnson said curtly as she worked her way between him and Johnny making Roy step back from the bed. He didn't feel like fighting a war with this woman so he simply moved to the other side of the bed and resumed his calming words.

She took a syringe out of her pocket and an alcohol swab and began to wipe the port of his IV.

Roy looked up, "What are you giving him?"

"Something to sedate him," she simply said.

Roy was concerned, "He just had something a few minutes ago. It's too soon." Johnny had already calmed down under the gentle words of his friend. But Nurse Johnson continued to prepare the IV site at his hand for the injection. Roy was now standing up straight now. "Don't give him more Morphine. He's calmed down now." There was a rising sense of panic in him feeling that she wasn't listening to a word he was saying.

"I know what my job is and he needs more sedation. We can't just have him thrashing all over the bed like that," she said, having no intentions of letting this strange man tell her what her job was.

Roy looked down at Johnny. Earlier in the day he had begun breathing on his own and he had seen the respiratory therapist wean the ventilator settings. He knew that too much Morphine could stop his breathing again and put him in danger. She took the cap off the syringe as Roy came around the end of the bed.

"Don't give him that." His voice was now harsh and it caught her attention.

"I'll call security if I have to Mr. DeSoto. You might be able to sit here with him but you may not interfere with his care." Her voice was smug and not conceding to his desires.

"You're not even his nurse. What are you doing in here?" He was right at her now standing nearly toe to toe.

"Roy?"

He turned around to see Hank now standing in the doorway, having heard Roy's voice getting upset over something. "Cap, get me another nurse right away," Roy said. When he turned back around to face her his gut was hit with a stone cold dread. She was now holding an empty syringe. She simply patted Johnny on the arm and started to walk out of the room.

Roy reached down and debated ripping his IV out but she had given the medication directly at the hub, right at his hand. Pulling the IV out wouldn't do any good at this point. He looked up to see what little color Johnny had drain from his face, then his chest stopped moving. He looked up just as the monitor alarmed.

He turned abruptly to her and yelled, "Get Dr. Brackett now!" At the same time he reached up and pushed the blue button that was positioned on the wall above the head of his bed. The shaken nurse looked at the monitor and saw his rapidly falling heart rate and plummeting blood pressure then looked at Roy. But he wasn't paying attention to her anymore. He reached for the ambu bag and disconnected Johnny from the ventilator and began giving him breaths. The code alarm sounded through the unit drawing every available nurse into the room. Suddenly Hank, who had been watching the scene unfold, found himself pushed back into a corner as they drug in the large, wheeled, red code cart. The next person to push his way through the group was Brackett.

Brackett immediately moved to Roy for report. "What happened Roy?"

The fury on his face was not something you could miss, "I told her it was too soon to give him Morphine but she did it anyway. He stopped breathing." They both looked up at the monitor and could see that the immediate breaths that Roy gave had stabilized his heart rate. His blood pressure remained low but at least was not continuing to fall. The respiratory therapist that had come at the alarm readjusted his settings to provide the full support his lungs now needed until the medication wore off a little. Roy stopped the manual breaths and let the man put him back on the ventilator.

"Damn!" Brackett cussed. "How did this happen?" He turned to bark at the Charge Nurse.

She was shaking now, "He was restless. I was just giving him his Morphine."

Another nurse stepped forward, "You know he's my patient. I just went down to the lab for a minute. Dr. Brackett I had just given him a full dose less than 10 minutes ago."

Another nurse was working on vital signs, "Doctor his blood pressure is 70/40."

"Cindy, let's get some plasmanate going right away. We've got to get his pressure up again." Brackett wanted to choke someone. They had just gotten his pressure stabilized. Now just as his kidneys were showing signs of some recovery they were back to stage one. He knew that under normal circumstances Johnny would have been able to handle the double dose but he was still too critical. They had just gotten his blood pressure to stabilize at a borderline low reading. He wasn't strong enough to handle the whopping dose of medication.

"I want an incident report filled out. Mrs. Johnson, don't set foot in this room again." He also knew Roy had tried to stop her. "This man is a paramedic and knows his partner better than any nurse in this hospital. If he questions what you are doing then you better double think your action before carrying it out."

When everyone had left Hank came over to Roy, "I'm glad you were here. I think you just saved his life again buddy."

Roy sat down hard in the chair, "No, but I'm telling you one thing Cap. I'm not leaving anytime soon."

Hank patted him on the shoulder when they suddenly heard the rantings of one upset fireman down the hall. Hank and Roy went running. When they came in the room they saw Chet sitting up in bed with his hand on his lip.

"What did they do to me?" He said through pain clinched teeth.

"Will you settle down!" Hank barked. "You twit, it will grow back." Chet leaned his head back with a deep sigh, holding his belly where his abrupt movements had gotten him hurting again.

"But Cap?" Chet started to whine.

"Don't but me. Now lay down and shut up," Hank said. Roy moved to his side, trying to hide the smile. He reached down to his abdomen and checked his dressing.

"You pop any of those stitches and Brackett might just shave your whole head," Roy told him with raised eyebrows and a nod of his head.

Chet instantly shut up. Danged doctors. If they will shave off a man's prized mustache then he wouldn't put it past them to shave his head.

Roy laughed, "I think you're okay. Just try and behave."

* * *

The sun was just coming up when Roy found himself being awakened by Hanks hand nudging his shoulder. "Roy."

He sat up and stretched out his stiff muscles from sleeping in the cramped little chair. Looking over to Johnny he stood up and ran his eyes over his monitors and sighed that they had made it through the night. He seemed to be no worse for wear over his Morphine incident. Once again he was breathing on his own and his blood pressure had been stable. Roy noted there wasn't any blood hanging anymore so that must mean his count had stabilized finally.

"Cap. How's Chet doing?"

"Good, grumpy," he smiled. I think they are moving him to a room today. They both looked up to see Brackett and Early come into the room. With char in hand they both reviewed his vital signs and now did an assessment on him. The two men stepped back to be out of the way and waited, patiently.

"Well, I wasn't sure he would do it but I should have known you'd get him through the night Roy," Joe said with a smile. "His vitals are getting stronger and there's no evidence of any further bleeding at this point. We'll take him off the ventilator in a couple of days and wait for him to wake up for us."

Roy nodded. He knew it was good news but he still wouldn't rest easy until he woke up. He wanted for Johnny to know he was there, that he had come back.

"Thanks doc," he said as they headed out the door.

"Roy I know you don't want to leave," Hank started.

Roy looked at him and half smiled, "I know. I need to get Jenny and Chris." He sighed knowing that he was all they had right now and he couldn't just abandon them.

"Mike is here. He will sit with Johnny. Go pick up the kids and get them ready for school. I've already called Emily and she will pick them up afterwards and feed them dinner."

How did he ever think it was the right thing to do in leaving? These men were as much his family as anyone else. "Thanks Cap," Roy said. They were simple words but there was no way he could tell him how much he appreciated him. Many might think its a common occurance for a crew to bond with their Captain but Roy had been in the field long enough to know it wasn't true. A tight, close and bonded shift was something that didn't come around everyday and he was thankful to be a part of one of those families. "I need to make some phone calls to, get the house stuff out of storage and get the phone turned back on."

"Do what you need to do for your family Roy. We will be here with him. If anything changes we'll find you okay? Mike had Brice help him get your car to the parking lot outside the ER." Hank still couldn't believe he was even standing there. The world had done a one eighty in the last twenty four hours. He must have used some mighty strong convincing words to have gotten back on a shift so soon. And with that though it suddenly dawned on him, that if Roy had gotten on with 51 he would have been with Johnny and he would have been the one going down through the fallen floor. He reached out and grasped his shoulder with a smile. One last reassuring touch that he was actually standing there.

Roy looked back into the room. It was going to be one of the hardest things he had ever done, to walk out and leave Johnny like this but it was his choice to bring the kids with him. He had to make sure they were taken care of too. He walked over to Johnny, "I'll be back partner. Behave for Mike." With a squeeze of his shouder Roy grabbed the turn out coat, pulled it on and headed out the door with Hank.

"Thanks Mike," Roy said as he came up the hallway.

"Well," he hesitated. "I think there's been a change in plans," Mike said.

Roy and Hank looked at him with confusion. "What's wrong?" Roy asked.

"Joanne's in the waiting room to see ya Roy," Mike said while biting his lower lip.


	22. Chapter 22

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." Victor Hugo._

_Sorry this chapter took a while, chaos of the holidays. Thanks for all the reviews and patience as I get through this story that seems to have taken on a life of its own :)_

* * *

Chapter 22

Roy froze at Mikes words. Jo was here? What the hell was she doing here? His first thought was that she had come to take the kids back. There was no way that he was going to let that happen. Without a word he walked past Mike, with him and Hank fast on his heels. Hank's first thought was that he might have to keep Roy from killing her right here in the waiting room. Although after what her aftermath of leaving had done to his station in the last six months he might think himself of joining Roy in the melee.

Roy pushed the double doors to the waiting room open with more force than intended. Then again maybe not when he looked up to see the startled look on her face. Hank thought, she looked, well…afraid of him. That must have been some major last conversation they had before Roy left.

If he wasn't mad when he heard she was there he was furious when he saw the kids sitting in chairs behind her. Lowering his anger a few notches in front of the kids he approached her. "Joanne. What are you doing here?" His voice was cold and matter of fact.

She hesitated. His anger and the upset looks from Hank and Mike behind him caught her off guard. She knew Roy would be upset but the reaction of her presence by the other men really shook her.

"Roy, please don't be mad at me. I didn't come to cause trouble," she started.

"Why are the kids here?" He asked staring at her intently.

"I picked them up to take them to school. I've also turned the phone on at the house and called the storage place to bring the stuff back." She took a deep breath before losing her nerve here. "I will get the kids back and forth to school and take care of them at the house so you can stay here." She held out her hand with a bag for him. "Here are some clean clothes and your shaving bag."

She knew for him to still be dirty and sooty, in his turn out clothes that things with Johnny must be really bad and he hadn't left his side. "I thought you might want to get cleaned up."

He found himself a little speechless at her actions. Had she actually come down to be helpful? No demands on where he could go? What he did? He reached out and took the bag.

"Thanks." It wasn't going to be that easy. He had lost trust in her, her actions hurting him to the core. And not just him but everyone else that was important to him. Turning to the kids he walked over and put a big smile on his face for them.

"Well kiddo's ready for that first day back to school?"

Jenny leapt out of the chair and jumped into this arms, "Oh daddy I can't wait to see Ms. Smith again."

"I know honey, you're home now. It's going to be okay." He looked down to Chris, "You ready son?"

"Sure am dad," he said with a big grin.

"Okay you two. Be good today for your mom. I'll see you soon okay?"

Jenny patted his cheek ever so gently, "Daddy is Unkle Johnny sick?"

He sat down and pulled her down to his lap, "No sweetie he got hurt at a fire yesterday. But he's doing better today."

"Can I give him a kiss?" She asked.

"Soon, Jenny, soon. He will be so happy to see you. He's missed you very much."

"I've missed him too daddy. I love Unkle Johnny," she whispered to him.

He hugged her tightly, "I know honey, me too." He slid her off his lap and stood up. "Now, off to school you two or you'll be late." He walked over to the bag now sitting in the floor, picked it up and walked past them all back to Johnny's room.

Joanne watched him walk away without saying another word to her. "Hank? How's Johnny?" She asked him softly.

Hank pushed back what he really wanted to say since children were around, "Critical."

"Hank?" She said with hesitation knowing they were upset. Mike's face was stoic, his arms crossed.

"Don't Joanne. Take the kids to school. We'll let you know if he needs anything," Hank said.

She nodded, silently gathered the kids up, and left. They watched her disappear behind the elevator doors. Mike turned to his Captain, "Now, what was that all about?"

Hank shook his head, "I don't know Mike but her stirring up trouble is the last thing Roy needs right now." He looked at Mike, "If she comes back she goes through only you or me for now."

Mike agreed. They would stand between her and Roy until he was more emotionally able to handle her being back down here. Especially when they didn't know why she might really be back.

* * *

Knowing that the kids were taken care of now he had to admit he could relax some, no longer having to worry about what needed to be done. He knew that at some point he would have to talk to her and figure out what she wanted from him, from the kids. The last few days had passed slowly as he sat by his friend's side. He was now off the ventilator and breathing on his own, only requiring some oxygen support through a nasal cannula. But he still had not woken up. Roy tucked himself in for some sleep on this chilly winter night. Looking up Johnny was quiet. "Night Junior. See ya in the morning."

His head was pounding. Honestly he didn't feel like his head was attached to his body anymore. It felt huge. He wanted to reach up and feel it but his hands didn't seem to be attached to his body. Even though his eyelids seemed to be weighted down but he wanted them open. His dreams were haunting him and he wanted them to stop. All he heard was Roy's voice over and over, calling him. Pushing them up he momentarily thought he must have gone blind as he was greeted with darkness but then they focused some with the help of the little bathroom light. Oh, his stomach was protesting now. Closing his eyes again he waited for it to settle. This time when he opened them he kept them focused on the ceiling for a moment. Bathroom light, hospital room. Why was he in a hospital room? What happened? He then saw someone sitting in the chair beside him. He was a shadow in his vision but his features were instantly recognizable. Roy? The darkness was creeping in again.

Roy sat up straight, something bringing him from his dream. He stood up and went to Johnny's side. He was still sleeping, his vitals stable so Roy climbed back into his chair and fell fast asleep again.

Once again he pushed past the darkness. He had heard the voice again. His eyes looked around the dark room and saw someone sleeping in the chair. It looked like Roy. Of course Roy would be here, his partner was always by his side.

"Roy." It was no more than a whisper but Roy heard it in his own dreams. He woke up again and looked over to Johnny. This time his eyes were open.

"Johnny? Can you hear me?" Roy asked trying to contain his excitement.

"Mmm hmm," Johnny mumbled.

"You're gonna be okay Junior. Try and get some rest okay?"

Johnny mumbled again and went back to sleep. Roy went out to the nurse's station. He knew none of the docs would be around at 3am but he knew someone should know Johnny had woken up.

"Kris?" He asked the nursing sitting at the desk.

"Hey Roy, what's wrong?" She was concerned he was up but realized that he didn't look upset.

"Johnny just woke up for a minute. I wanted to make sure you knew."

"That's great Roy," she was excited too. "I think Dr. Early is on duty in the ER tonight. I'll let him know."

"Thanks Kris," he said with a big smile on his face then went back to his room. He wanted to tell someone but Chet was sleeping downstairs in his own room. Mike and Hank were back at work tonight.

Roy was too happy to sleep now and was just watching him when Joe came. "Hey Roy, what happened?"

He stood up and went to the bed, "I heard him call my name and his eyes were open. I asked him a question but he just mumbled and went back to sleep."

Joe wasn't quit as ecstatic as Roy was and he noticed the lack of enthusiasm from the doctor. Joe did a brief neuro exam on Johnny but didn't elicit a response from him.

"It was a good thing right? I mean he said my name."

"Probably is Roy. We'll try again in the morning and see what we get," he patted him on the shoulder. "I'm not trying to discourage you but I would like to see him a little easier to come around for us."

Roy refused to be discouraged, "Okay."

It seemed to take forever for morning to come and somewhere along the way Roy managed to fall asleep. He woke up to see Hank and Marco in the room, talking quietly to each other.

"Sorry pally, we didn't mean to wake you. Rough night?"

Roy smiled, "He woke up."

Hank and Marco looked at each other, "What?"

His smile broadened, "It was only for a moment but he woke up."

Hank glanced over to Johnny, "Johnny?"

"Well, ya Cap…Johnny," Roy said with a smirk thinking he was asking 'who'.

"No look, Johnny." Hank pointed over to the young man who was looking at them.

Everyone rushed to his side while Roy pushed the nurse call button. "Johnny," he called him too.

"Yelling," he whispered.

Roy laughed, "Sorry." He lowered his voice for the obvious headache he was having.

"What happened?" The confused man asked.

"Fire. Do you remember falling?" Roy asked him.

"Fall? The smoke. You couldn't breathe."

The men all looked at each other. Johnny was remembering Roy's accident like it had just happened.

"No John, Roy's alright. You fell in a fire." Hank told him.

Johnny tried to sit up, "Roy! Have to get him out."

Now Hank and Roy both were trying to hold him still, "Johnny, I'm right here. Look at me!"

But Johnny struggled until the nurse came in and gave him some sedation. Within a few minutes he found the peace of quiet sleep again.


	23. Chapter 23

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full." Henry Kissinger._

_

* * *

_

Chapter 23

Over the following days Hank and Mike diverted Joanne from Ro and Johnny was in and out of consciousness. His nightmares seemed to be lessening. Roy felt so bad that he had to relive that night at the warehouse where he almost lost his life. The only reason he was even standing here was that Johnny had not given up on him and pulled him out of that building while fighting for his life. And now Roy had no intentions on giving up on him.

Every day during doctors rounds he could see the worry in Joe Early's eyes. Johnny's recovery had been slow and not being able to regain a coherent state was frustrating and concerning. Roy vowed to stay by his side until he wasn't needed anymore.

Items continued to filter to him, from Joanne, through his shift mates and Captain. He realized what they were doing for him and right now he wasn't going to change the process. He wasn't ready to see her yet. But it gave him time to think about what he really wanted to do with his life and most importantly his marriage. All along Joanne had told him she wouldn't go back to being a fireman's wife. She said she just couldn't. He had walked away from it all, from everything that was important to him, to make that part of his life right. He knew he had to do everything possible to save his marriage, for them and for the kids. Oh, she was happy. Happy as a lark with her husband that went to his nine to five job daily, home for dinner every night with his wife and 2 kids. But a big part of him was missing. At first he thought it was missing his friends, then his job. Soon he realized it was many things. It was his kid's misery in the new life, the friends he left behind, and the job that meant so much to him. He was a part of starting this paramedic program and he had always believed in it with all his heart. Walking away from it not something he could do again.

* * *

"Roy?"

He looked up to see Johnny awake again. Bracing his self for the struggle, the nightmare revisited, he steadied his feet and prepared to take a hold of Johnny's arms. His face reflecting sheer determination.

"Are you going to say hello or are you planning on fighting me?" Johnny said with a crooked smile that made Roy actually look at him this time.

"Johnny?"

"I think so unless you changed my name while I was in a coma," Johnny said in a smart aleck tone to his partner.

Roy had to bite his tongue. He couldn't believe it, Johnny sounded like his old self. "Well we talked about changing it but we couldn't find an Indian name that means "he who won't take the stairs."

Johnny grew silent and for a moment Roy thought he wasn't as ready as he thought then Johnny started laughing. Roy joined right in with him. When they both had quieted down Johnny did look seriously at his friend.

"Thought you were up north now."

Roy sat down thinking how to explain this to Johnny when he really didn't know all the details himself. "We tried but it didn't work out. I came back to town the morning of the building fire where you fell."

"You were there weren't you?" It wasn't a question as much a confirmation.

"Yea. I got thrown in with 110. I was the one yelling to you in the hallway," he hung his head down. "I tried to reach you and Chet before you fell."

Johnny tried to sit up quickly, "Chet?" His swimming head forced him back against his pillow.

Roy stood up again, "He's okay. He's downstairs. Some broken bones but perfectly healthy enough to drive the nurse's nuts."

He watched his partner get a look of deep sadness on his face, "I'm sorry Roy. It's all my fault."

Roy was shocked, how could he possibly think anything was his fault? "What are you talking about?"

"You and Joanne. If I'd kept you safe, gotten you out of that building faster," he paused. "She wouldn't have left and none of this would have happened."

He found himself once again mad at her and she wasn't even there. God, what did she do to him that night that would make him think this was his fault? "Partner, listen to me right now. Nothing going on between me and her is your fault. It had been brewing for a while. I just didn't think she would make that decision. Her poor choice of timing was her own fault and no one else's. I spent months trying to be the husband that she wanted me to be but it wasn't who I was. I was miserable, the kids were miserable."

Johnny had tears forming, "You had to leave your kids Roy. I know that is killing you inside."

Roy found a smile, "No Johnny. I brought them back with me. They are in school today and doing great. In fact Jenny's been driving us nuts to see you. She sent you a kiss."

"Well if you don't mind partner I think I'll wait to get it from her personally," Johnny chuckled.

Roy looked embarrassed, "Thanks."

All of Johnny's questions weren't answered but exhaustion over took him and he found sleep again.

* * *

Over the days that followed he began the gradual trend of improvement and Roy finally reached a point that he spent more time staying at Johnny's apartment since Joanne was at the house with the kids. But now he knew it was time for him and Joanne to have a deep discussion.

Roy was sitting with Chet and Johnny visiting the now roommates. "So what have you two been up to today?"

Johnny had been quiet but he shifted around in bed, "Just getting out of bed is annoying. Dragging this stupid thing around." He said pointing to his casted leg.

Roy smiled, "Well, maybe they will kick you two out of here soon."

"Man am I ready!" Chet said with a sound of exasperation. "Doc says maybe on Friday I can go."

"Hey Chet, that's great," Roy said then looked over to Johnny.

"What about you partner, anytime soon?" Everyday he had improved, regaining his strength.

Johnny slightly shook his head, "Don't know." He looked at Roy, "What you worried about being kicked out?"

He laughed, "No but if that little black furball doesn't let me get some sleep at night he might be kicked out."

"Roy! You wouldn't dare. Jenny gave him to me." Johnny really looked worried for a moment.

"Of course not partner but he might spend the next night before I have to go to work in the bathroom," he said with a half smile. He stood up from the chair. "Well, I better go. I'm meeting Joanne for a late lunch." He didn't sound thrilled.

"Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?" Johnny asked. His voice was breathy.

Roy shook his head, "I don't know what will happen. I know what I want out of this marriage but I don't know about her anymore."

Chet's voice was soft and full of concern for his friend, "Do you still love her?" He had watched Roy over the last couple of weeks struggle with his own feelings for her and what had happened. Chet still held onto a lot of anger but knew it wasn't his decision to make.

Roy paced the room, "Yea I do but we both know it takes more than that. Wish me luck."

They watched their friend leave the room and go to determine the fate of his family. Johnny would have given anything to be able to go with him and lend his support but he knew it was something he had to do on his own.

"Hey Johnny?" Chet called over.

"What Chet?" There were distinct disadvantages to bunking with the motor mouth of Station 51.

"You feel okay over there?" Chet was up on his one elbow which was a challenge with his other shoulder and arm in a cast. He had watched the young paramedic over the last couple of days and was concerned with how down he seemed. I mean, Roy was back, you would expect Johnny to be bouncing off the walls with excitement but instead he was quiet, withdrawn and sleeping all the time unless disturbed by a nurse. When he first got moved in he was energetic and eating everything in site.

"I'm just tired," he said as he rolled over and fell back asleep.

* * *

Within a few minutes Dixie stuck her head in the door, followed by Hank, Mike and Marco coming to visit. "You guys feel like some company?"

"Shhh…" Chet said and pointed over to Johnny.

"It's the middle of the day, what's he doing asleep?" She asked jokingly.

But Chet looked serious, "I'm telling ya something's up. He sleeps all the time. I think this mess with Roy and Joanne is really stressing him out."

Dixie felt for the poor thing knowing that anything unsettled with Roy would affect this young man too. She walked over to him and bushed the dark locks of hair from his face. His lips were slightly parted and she could feel his breaths on her arm. They were quick. She wrinkled her brow and placed her hand on his abdomen to count his respirations. With concern she noted they were too high. She also noticed the uneaten lunch tray of food.

"Chet did he eat breakfast today?"

He shook his head no, "Didn't eat dinner last night either. I told his nurse but she said to not worry."

Hank walked over to him. He seemed paler than his visit a couple of days before. "Dix, is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure Hank but I'll get Kel to look at him."

She left the room with fear in her stomach knowing that something was very wrong.

.


	24. Chapter 24

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_The part can never be well unless the whole is well." Plato_

_I know this one is short but I just had to play with your minds just a little more before the holidays! Thanks again for all the awesome reviews._

* * *

Chapter 24

Roy stood on the front porch of his house not sure what to do. Should he knock? It was his house but Joanne was living here, for now, and he didn't want to just barge in on her. He chose to knock. A distant call came out, "Come in."

With mild trepidation he went into the house. To see everything back in its proper place gave him the chills. It was a like a time warp. Everything was back in the proper place, like they had never left in the first place. One could write off the last 8 months as a bad dream if you just looked around the living room. Pictures were up and right in place as before. Even Joanne coming out of the kitchen, apron on and drying her hands gave him such a sense of déjà. It almost brought a smile to his face.

It was early in the day so the kids were still at school, leaving him and Joanne the time to discuss some issues and hopefully come to some decisions about their future together, or not. She wore a big smile and opened her mouth but caught herself before the sentence could come out. Welcome home honey just wasn't appropriate right now. Time would determine if she would ever say that again.

"Hey," she simply said. "Have a seat. Want some coffee? It's fresh," she asked.

"Sure, thanks." There was no reason to begin their time feeling hostile. He knew that nothing would get accomplished that way.

She served him his coffee just as he liked it and sat down on the couch with him. "How's Johnny today?"

"He seemed tired today, sleeping a lot. I'm going back to check on him after I leave here."

They seemed awkward in each other's presence. Neither one sure how to begin. Roy stood up and walked over to the mantle. "Jo, I need you to tell me what you want." His voice was soft, not harsh or angry. He simply wanted to know.

"I want my family back together Roy. I want us all together again but…" she trailed off.

He turned at that, "But what?"

She was wringing her hands together, "I can't go back to waiting for the phone to ring while you're at work. Waiting for that knock on the door, afraid to answer because it might be someone telling me you're hurt, or worse."

What he had gathered of that terrible night in the ER flashed through his mind, "I was more than hurt Jo. I died that day but Johnny risked his life to bring me back. Everyone was there for me but you." The tears were forming in his eyes. "Why Jo, why did you abandon me?" His true agony and pain of knowing what she did now coming out.

"Roy…" her own tears started to flow. Would she ever be able to make him understand what she felt.

"You left me not even knowing if I would live or die. You just left. How can I forgive that?" There was no anger left in him anymore over it, just betrayal.

She stood up and walked up to him, "Roy, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do but run away and hide from it all."

He stepped back from her, "Was it fear that made you push Johnny down?" Now there was a hint of anger.

"Yes, fear. I trusted him to protect you and suddenly I realized that if he couldn't do it then that meant no one could and yes, that scared me to death. Roy, I never meant to hurt him. I didn't know what he had done to save you."

"Jo I gave up everything here in LA that was important to me to try and become the man you wanted but I can't do it anymore. That hasn't changed from me leaving the last time. Fireman and paramedic is who I am. If you can't accept that then…," he took a deep breath. "We're done."

She was momentarily stunned. Up to now she had truely thought that she could convince him to come back with her to their new home. That everything would go back to normal, her version of normal.

He saw the fall in her face. "This is my home, the kid's home. This is where I belong and them too. I love you Jo, I always have but I won't give up who I am."

She went to the chair and sat down, tears running down her face. "Please Roy; don't do this to our family."

"I'm not doing anything to our family except trying to keep it together Joanne. Either you want to be a part of it or not."

A flash of anger crossed her face, "I won't lose the children."

"I never said you would. You are too important to them and I would never keep them from you." He paused, "but they aren't leaving home again. But before we talk about them I have to know. Is it over between us?" His voice again soft and almost pleading with her.

She lowered her head, "Under your conditions?" She looked up at his face, he blue eyes that had always melted her heart. "Yes."

* * *

Within a few moments Dixie came back into the room with Brackett hot on her heels. They went straight to Johnny's side with the rest of the A-shift family watching intently. Kel stood beside the young man's bed, "Johnny?"

"Huh?" He awoke groggily. His eyelids heavy, the rest of his body quiet and still.

"Johnny, how are you feeling?" He asked as he continued his exam.

"Really tired. Just wanna sleep some more," his words were slurred some now.

Brackett's concern was easily readable on his face, "Dix, let's get him back on a monitor." He turned to Hank and the others, "I'm not sure fellows. Something has definitely changed but he has no fever." Turning back to Dixie, "Let's get a CBC, his color is too pale again, and a full set of electrolytes." He palpated his kidneys, a past concern now resurfacing.

"Sure Kel," she said as she patted Johnny's arm. "Hang in there Johnny. We'll figure this out."

He gave her a little smile, then was back to sleep again. She turned to Hank, "Is Roy coming back today?"

Hank shrugged, "I'm not sure Dixie." Then his concern matched hers, "Do I need to find him?"

"Not yet, let's get his labs back and see what's going on first. I'll go notify the lab."

* * *

Roy sat in his car, still in the driveway, trying to process the last hour. He still couldn't believe that she was willing to give everything up after all these years. But then he was still trying to understand her betrayal. He had just gotten off shift that morning and needed a nap badly but something in him said to return to the hospital and check on Johnny. The time with Joanne had not gone the way he wanted it to. There wasn't any part of him that wanted his marriage to end. He wasn't a highly religious man but his wedding vows were important to him and he never realized how much until now. But what she asked of him, he had tried and a part of him had died inside. The fire, battling the beast, being there to save his best friend had shocked that part of him back into life again. Now it was strong, stronger than it had ever been. He felt like a new cadet just out of the academy again, anxious and ready to be a fireman and paramedic.

Over and over he had tried to explain that to her to help her see the passion that he had for his job but she didn't understand. And with great sadness he realized that if she didn't see that part of him after all these years, she never would. He pulled up into the hospital and parked his little car. They had made some final decisions about her and the kids but it didn't sit well with him. He looked up at the large building in front of him and took a deep breath. The stress of it all was weighing heavily on him and now there was a growing knot in his gut that he didn't like at all.

He wandered in through the main front doors of Rampart and froze when he saw Hank standing there waiting on him.

"Cap?" His knot of fear was now in the back of his throat.

"We called your house and Joanne said you had already left for the hospital." He took a step towards Roy, "Something's happened to Johnny."

Roy could see the look in Hank's face and knew it was serious, "Where is he?"

"They've moved him back into ICU. Brackett needs to talk to you."

Roy headed straight for the elevators with Hank fast on his heels.

**_AN: I know its mean but I can only type as my brain flows. I will get another chapter out before xmas. I promise :)_**


	25. Chapter 25

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can." Alphonse de Lamartine._

_I hope you continue to hang on for the ride! I am going somewhere with this, I promise :)_

* * *

Chapter 25

Roy wanted to beat the elevator doors down because they wouldn't open fast enough. When they opened he made a beeline for the ICU doors, going past the couple of men who were standing and talking together.

Mike and Marco stood talking about Johnny when they saw Roy whiz by them, almost at a run. Hank was right behind him using his long legs to try and keep up with the panic that was fueling Roy's heart. They felt for Roy since they already knew the results of the lab work, updated by Dr. Early and Brackett just moments before. They just didn't know how he would handle it. Once Roy and Hank were past the ICU doors the elevator opened once again and the two men were concerned with who came off of it.

Roy went straight to the nurse's station and realized he didn't know what room he was in. Quickly he turned to Hank with the unspoken question. But before he could answer him Brackett took Roy by the arm.

"Roy, I need to talk to you before you go in." He was taken aback by the serious look on the doctor's face.

"I want to see him." It wasn't meant as a question but Brackett wasn't surprised.

"No Roy. Dixie's with him. I have to talk to you first."

Roy's heart was not in his throat, God, what had gone wrong? "Okay," he said softly.

Hank moved back to the waiting room and was caught off guard by who was standing there. Enough was enough. Time for a heart to heart talk with his senior paramedics wife.

Roy and Brackett moved to an office behind the nurse's station with Brackett closing the door behind them. He moved around the desk and sat down placing his hands together, elbows on the desk. His eyes reflecting something that Roy didn't like to see at all.

"Roy in the last 24 hours Johnny has started showing signs of drowsiness, lack of energy, and his blood count as dropped meaning his anemic again. We've run several tests and he shows no sign of infection. The concern comes from his electrolytes. They're highly abnormal."

"What does that mean?" Roy asked, not sure where this was leading.

"During his surgery he experienced significant blood loss. We replaced it as fast as we could but our concern about the decreased blood flow to his kidneys seems to have caused permanent damage." He made eye contact with his friend, "Roy's he's in kidney failure."

It was a good thing he was sitting down because his legs wouldn't have held him up. Hank watched him closely. He didn't even know what to ask. "What are his options?"

"We are managing his IV fluids carefully, following his labs closely and setting him up for dialysis. His scan showed that one kidney is still trying to function but the buildup of toxins in his body will eventually destroy it. The other kidney is showing no function at all now."

"But he can't stay on dialysis for ever doc. How do we fix this?" There had to be an answer. Johnny had to be alright.

"The only possible fix for him would be a transplant."

"Transplant? How do we make that happen?" Roy asked.

"We put him on the list and wait for a kidney donor to come up. The wait is unpredictable."

Roy's mind was spinning at this point, "What about rejection? Isn't that a big risk?"

Brackett nodded, "It's always a risk with any transplant but the technology has improved so much in the last few years with tissue typing and rejection medications. If we can find him a new kidney and he doesn't reject it his chances of living a normal life will very good."

"I'm his blood type doc."

Kel knew what Roy wanted to do. Of course he would want to give one of his own kidneys to his best friend. Johnny was as close to a brother that he could have. "We can test you Roy but blood type isn't the same as tissue type. You can share the same blood type but not be able to be a donor."

Roy had a thousand questions but was interrupted by Dixie knocking at the door. Brackett waved her in. They both knew, without asking, what Roy would want to do.

"Test me," Roy said.

"Of course Roy. After the results are in we will rediscuss the options for you and Johnny. Dix, will you take Roy down for testing?"

"Sure Kel." She said as she brought up a little smile.

"I want to see Johnny first," he said as he stood up.

Dixie put her hand on his arm. "I just left him Roy, he's sleeping. Let's get the testing done then you can stay with him.

He took a deep breath, "Okay". Dixie led him down the hall to the employee elevator and then took him to the lab for blood to be drawn. Brackett was worried. He had already had a very frank discussion with Hank about the implications of Roy donating to Johnny. The risk to his own health, the possible implications to his job. They had agreed that knowing Roy would demand the testing they would not bring anything up right away but simply wait. If he wasn't a match then everything they discussed would be a mute point. If he was a match they would make him listen to all the implications of his decision.

* * *

It seemed like forever to Roy, the wait in the lab for his blood to be drawn. All the wanted to do was to get back upstairs to Johnny. Finally he was released after they drained him of several tubes of blood and he worked his way back up to the ICU, via the back stairs. He came into Johnny's room to find his friend was still sleeping peacefully, his breathing easy but Roy noted he was now on some oxygen. Several IV's were going which he presumed belonged to fluids and the dialysis process. Pulling up a chair it made a slight scuffing noise and Johnny's eyes opened up.

"Roy." He reached up and rubbed his sleepy eyes to force them to stay open.

"Didn't mean to wake ya up Junior. How ya feeling?" Roy said as he stood and went to his side.

"Like a trouble maker as usual. Leave it to me to not do anything the right way." He shot Roy a half hearted crooked smile.

"We'll you always did like to be the center of attention you know," Roy smiled back. Johnny's color was pale but he seemed in pretty good spirits.

Johnny looked down at the gauze and band aid on Roy's arm, "Been doing some blood donation again?" His face got serious.

"Just a little," he replied.

Johnny sat up some in the bed, "I won't let you do it pally."

"I don't think you have much choice at this point Johnny," Roy said a little surprised by Johnny's reaction. "This is your life we're talking about."

"I know but it's your life too and I won't let you give it up for me." Johnny was serious.

"Who says I'm giving up my life. You're only getting a kidney junior, don't get greedy on me." Roy shot him a smirk.

"I'm not kidding Roy. If you do it they could put you behind a desk. Then coming back here wouldn't have made any difference. You'd still lose your paramedic badge."

Roy realized he hadn't thought about that. Would they really do that? But as he looked at his friend he realized that it didn't matter. "I'm not going to just sit around and watch you die."

Then a voice came from behind them, "There is another option." Both men turned to see Joanne standing in the door with Hank behind her.

Roy looked at Johnny as a look of sheer panic crossed his face. His first thought was that Johnny was remembering about that night not so long ago. The last time Johnny had seen her. He turned on his heels and headed towards her but was stopped by Hank who stepped between them.

"Roy, let her finish." What? Why in the hell was Hank defending her? He glanced back at Johnny.

"No Joanne," Johnny stammered out.

She stepped towards him, her voice soft and compassionate. "Johnny, Doctor Brackett says that your best chance at a working match would be a relative."

Roy stepped back and looked again at Johnny then to her. "Johnny doesn't have any relatives."

She looked at him, "John, it's time."

"Joanne, no, please doesn't." Johnny looked like he was near tears.

"This is your life were talking about John Gage. You promised me that when the time was right you would talk to Roy about it."

That was it, Roy had had enough. "What the hell is going on here? Johnny what is she talking about? You have family somewhere?"

Johnny threw his head back on the pillow and took a deep breath. Roy watched Hank excuse himself from the room quietly, leaving them alone to discuss it. Once he opened his eyes again he seemed more settled and readjusted himself in the bed to be comfortable before talking.

Roy could see he was delaying. "Johnny?"

"It was almost a year ago. I got a letter in the mail from," he paused. "From someone in my family. I didn't even know that anyone knew where I was. I didn't want them to know where I was." He looked at Roy with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry Roy. I just asked Joanne one day if she could help me right a letter back to her."

"Her?" Roy asked.

"I have a sister."

Roy was dumbfounded, a sister? Johnny had a sister? "Where is she?"

"Roy, I'm sorry I never told you. I know I have never told you much about my family and why I left the reservation but I do have a sister. She's 3 years older than me but she was never at home. She left whenever she could to escape our father. Then when she was about 15 she never came back. For years I thought she was dead but when I found out she had just run away I hated her."

Roy had heard some stories of his father and how abusive he was. He knew that was why Johnny left home at such a young age but he had never mentioned a sibling. Johnny grew quiet and Roy wasn't sure if he was able to continue.

"Johnny you don't have to if you don't want to," Roy told him. He knew this was torture for the young man. He knew that revealing personal family issues was always hard for him.

"No, I wanted to tell you but when I wrote the letter back to her I never heard from her again. When she left there was no barrier between me and my father. I hated her for doing that to me. Within a year I left too. Until that letter came we had never made contact again."

"We have to find her Johnny," Joanne said.

"No," was all he said.

Roy felt lost as to what to say. A blood relative would be his best match, his best chance of not rejecting the kidney but he understood, he thought, Johnny's anger. It sounded like she ran away leaving Johnny to take the brunt of his father's abuse. He had loved her and she had abandoned him, how could he ever trust her again?

But he wasn't going to let Johnny's stubbornness be the death of him.

"Johnny, we need to do whatever it takes to get you out of here and back to work." He could see the resistance in his face and knew that when Johnny decided to be stubborn there was very little that would change his mind.

"What if I went and talked to her?" This time it was Joanne that was asking.

Johnny looked at her. How could he tell her how he really felt? Her betrayal went far deeper than anything his sister had done to him. She had betrayed him and the most important person in the world to him.

She could read his eye's better than he thought. She knew he was remembering that night and the many phone call attempts in the last few months. Hank had told her, in no uncertain terms, the aftermath that she left behind, the hurt and pain not just for Roy but for everyone at the station. But especially for Johnny. It was the first time she had heard what he had given up, his paramedic and finally his decision to leave the department over his grief. If she never thought her heart could crumble it had while sitting in that waiting room. Hank's tale of the months that followed her leaving, the look on Mike and Marco's face a mirror to what she had done, it had been too much. Then he told her about Johnny now and suddenly she knew what she had to do. This young man had been family to her. Somewhere in her panic and grief over Roy she had lost complete sight of that. She knew it was past asking for his forgiveness and that she had to do something tangible. He couldn't see her band aide because of her long sleeved shirt but yes, she would give him anything that he needed right now.

"Jo, you can't go there alone. It wouldn't be safe. I really don't know anything about her anymore or the people she's with. It's bad enough that she was back on the reservation. And besides that was a year ago, no telling where she is now."

"I will find her for you." Joanne statement was simple but spoke volumes to the two men in the room. For the first time in a long time Roy saw the part of her that he always loved so much.

He looked to Roy, "Roy, please don't let her go. It's not safe. I can't let…" the 'anything happen to her' went unspoken. No matter what, she was still family to him. Feelings had changed and he wasn't sure how he really felt anymore. Right now he only knew that he was beyond tired and felt like crap, his thoughts no longer clear in his mind.

Roy could see the exhaustion wash over his face, he was now spent and this was too much for him to handle right now. "Get some rest Junior. Don't worry; we won't do anything stupid okay?"

Johnny smiled at his brother and knew that he would take care of him. With that knowledge he let sleep take him.


	26. Chapter 26

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_I was not half so sure of most things as I was before; at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has revealed to me." John Wesley._

* * *

Chapter 26

Roy moved out into the hallway where Joanne was waiting on him. He wasn't really sure about everything that had just happened but he did know that she was here, for him and Johnny, at least for now.

"Roy, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you. Johnny just wanted to tell you in his own way, his own time."

"It's okay Jo, I understand. Every little piece of information I get about his family is just a part of a larger puzzle." He shook his head, "I still can't believe he has a sister out there somewhere. How are we ever going to find her again?"

"I know where she is Roy," her voice became quieter.

He looked into her eyes, "What?"

"When he asked me to write her back he wanted to keep his location secret from her until he knew what she wanted. He was so untrusting of her, so afraid she would lead his father back to him."

"Why did she write to him in the first place?"

"She talked about their childhood and how sorry she was for leaving him behind that she was young and scared and didn't know what else to do. She wanted to see him again and find out how he was doing. Apparently she saw the TV show that you and he did about the paramedic program. That's how she found him."

Roy was doing calculations in his head at this point, "How did she see a TV show about him in Montana?"

"She's not in Montana."

Roy felt his heart beat quicken, "Okay Jo, spill it, where is she?"

She smiled, "Right here in LA." She then told him about the letters. "She wanted Johnny to think she was back in Montana incase he didn't want to see her. She knew he would be mad at her for leaving so long ago. When she got older and more settled down she worked at finding him then when she found out where he was she decided to move closer. It was her hope to see him again one day, when he was ready."

He was grateful that she had this information, something that was so valuable to Johnny, in safe keeping for him but also was a tad bit jealous that she apparently knew more about his family than he did. Joanne watched his face and could read him. "Roy, don't blame Johnny over this. He was prepared to tell you everything before all this happened, before you were hurt. He was waiting to hear from her again after asking her some questions about the rest of their family. Then he was going to come to you."

It should have comforted him but it only served to make him angry again. Just another effect of her actions.

Jo had wanted to go right then and find her but Roy chose to heed Johnny's warnings about her going alone. He was right; they didn't really know anything about her and who she might be with. They couldn't even be sure of her intentions. He was still dealing with his own feelings where Joanne was concerned but he still wasn't going to let her go find this woman alone.

"Do you know exactly where she is or how we can reach her?" He asked.

"I have an address but not a phone number. We will have to find her house."

"Okay, see if Sandee next door can watch the kids after you pick them up at school and we'll go find her."

After a quick check on Johnny to find him sleeping Roy headed to the apartment for a quick shower and to put on fresh clothes. Then after grabbing a couple of pieces of toast he headed for his house.

* * *

As he stood outside the door he hesitated. For the first time he wasn't sure if he should knock or just go on in. It was his house anyway. But with Joanne staying there temporarily he chose to be respectful and knock. He heard the distant, "Come in."

When he opened the door he saw Joanne coming out of the kitchen as she wiped her hands on her apron. The sense of déjà was incredible almost overwhelming his senses. The house was refurbished with everything back in place, even the pictures on the mantle had been returned.

She watched him come in and had to resist the urge to call out 'welcome home honey'. For some reason this just didn't seem like the time for it. Him walking in the door after being gone for a while was just too reminiscent of their old life. The life she tried to pull them away from because she had come to hate it.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy," Jenny came running and took a flying leap into his arms.

"How are you today my honey bear?" He said with a big smile.

She giggled, "Oh silly daddy, I'm not a honey bear! I'm a girl."

He started sniffing her neck, tickling her, and making her squirm all in his arms. "I don't know you smell sweet like honey."

"Dad, can you sign this for me?" Chris was pushing a paper and pen into his hands as Jenny slid down out of his arms.

"What is it? Or am I allowed to read it first," he said with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, it's nothing bad dad. Mrs. Sanders said I'm getting an award for doing so well on my science project."

Roy had helped him with it some but he knew how hard he had worked on it himself, "Chris, that's great!" He eyed the boy closely, "You don't seem very excited about it?"

"I guess I am," he said as a small smile escaped his lips.

"Christopher, why didn't you have me sign it?" Joanne asked as she came in from the kitchen.

He quickly shrugged, "Dad usually signs my stuff for school."

She looked a little disappointed but smiled anyway. "Okay you two are you ready?"

"Daddy you take us, you take us. Please, pretty please?" Roy just laughed at the bouncing blond headed little tyke at his feet.

"Okay, settle down. You don't want to wear out Mrs. Sandee too soon now do you?"

Joanne watched his interactions with the kids knowing that once he walked in the door they were oblivious to her presence. In the past that never bothered her knowing that he had been gone for so many hours it was normal for them to be so glad to see him. But since the first separation when she moved up north they had changed. They were now attached to him at every opportunity and it hurt.

Roy walked them next door to stay for a while. As he kissed Jenny goodbye she gave him a big hug and wasn't letting go. "Jenn, I've got to go hon."

She leaned back and looked at him with her big blue eyes, "But you'll be back right daddy?"

He rubbed her head with his hand, "Of course honey. I've got to go do an errand for Johnny."

She rubbed his cheek with her little hand, "Promise?"

Roy was concerned with this new separation issue she was having. He knew the turmoil between him and Joanne was very hard on the kids but they had tried very hard to keep the kids at a distance from the issues.

Roy gave her a big smile, "Yes Jenny, I promise I will be back."

Chris on the other hand just gave a frustrated grunt at his overly dramatic sister and ran into the house.

Roy just grinned, boys. "Thanks Sandee. We should be back in a couple of hours."

"No problem Roy, take your time. Tell Johnny I'm thinking about him okay?"

"Sure will." He turned and headed back across the lawn a little anxious about being trapped in the car with Joanne for a while. Could they carry on a normal conversation without it blowing up on them?

When he returned Joanne was pulling out a slip of paper from her wallet with writing on it. They both were apprehensive about meeting this woman. What was she like? Did she still even want to hear about him and most importantly, would she be willing to make an ultimate sacrifice for a brother that she hadn't talked to in over ten years?

As they headed out the car remained quiet. It was like they didn't know what to say to each other anymore. Joanne thought, _have we really grown this far apart?_ She almost asked him about being back at the station but honestly didn't want to hear about that.

"So Chris got an award I hear for his science project?" She tried to start off some conversation.

"Yea," he simply answered.

Silence again.

He pulled off the interstate and headed out of the main city. "What are we going to say to her?" He asked which told her exactly where his mind was for the ride.

"I guess we introduce ourselves and start telling her about her brother," she answered in a hopeful manner.

He shook his head, "I only hope it's half that easy."

They continued the drive leaving the big city behind them and headed east toward the Chino Hills area. The landscape changed from concrete to green rolling hills as they got closer to the national forest area. Roy held the address and looked at the name on the other side of the paper, _Wakanda. _

"Interesting name isn't it?" He asked.

"Yea, Johnny said it's Lakota. Look," she said and he saw her pointing to a gravel road with an arch sign which said 'Wakhan Thanka nici un'. Underneath that it said May the Great Spirit go with you and guide you.

They pulled onto the narrow gravel road and drove down the long driveway. It wasn't until they came over a slight rise that they saw her home. It was beautiful. The large two story white house had a huge porch that wrapped all the way around it, flowers were on all sides and a massive oak tree stood beside it offering cooling shade in the heat of the summer. They parked beside a dark green vehicle and when Roy got out he chuckled at the fact that it was a Rover, like Johnny's. To the left of the house was a large red barn with several horses contained by white wood fences that seemed to stretch out into the horizon.

There was a bustling of activity around the barn with a couple of men and a woman as they seemed to be moving the animals from one corral to another one. A loud barking startled them as they saw a very healthy looking German Sheppard heading straight for them. The woman looked up and furrowed her eyebrows.

"Misun! Stop that," she hollered as she came running over. Roy knew who she was right away. She was wearing worn blue jeans and a paisley teal blue shirt, cowboy boots and hat. She greeted them with a warm smile and outstretched hand.

"Welcome. What can I do for you folks?" Her voice was soft but full of energy. She was about Johnny's height, slim and strong looking, much like Johnny's own frame. Her skin was olive brown, long black straight hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. She was beautiful Roy thought then he quickly looked over to Joanne, like she could read his mind. But she didn't have too. She stepped forward.

"Hi. We're really sorry to come unannounced but I'm Joanne DeSoto," she paused a moment for the name to sink in, to see if she would remember it from the letters. "This is my husband Roy. Roy is Johnny's partner at work and best friend."

They watched the smile disappear from her face then a look of concern come over it, "John? Has something happened to him?"

She took a step backwards and almost stumbled, Roy grabbed her arm to steady her. "Johnny's in the hospital." He looked around, "Is there somewhere we can talk?"

She nodded and as he let go of her arm she guided them up the porch stairs and into the house. "Please come in and make yourselves comfortable." After they sat on the couch together she continued. The large dog had also come inside with them and now stood beside her chair. "Sit Misun (meesoon), its okay."

Joanne looked at the dog, "Misun? That's a pretty name, what does it mean? "

The young woman smiled, "It means 'Little Brother' in Lakota."

Roy suddenly felt like everything would be okay. She hadn't kicked them out or sicked the dog on them yet and she seemed very upset that something had happened to Johnny.

"Please," she continued. "Tell me what's happened."

Roy scooted forward in his seat. "Johnny was injured during a fire about two weeks ago. He was doing well until the last twenty four hours." He could see her nodding her head softly as she listened intently to him. "He's gotten sick again because one of his kidneys was damaged and is not working like it should anymore."

She leaned back in her chair. She was a well educated woman; she knew what they were asking. "Does he know you are here?"

Roy and Joanne looked at each other then her again as they shook their heads to say no. She stood up and walked around the room. She stopped in front of the large stone fireplace and picked up a picture, handing it to Roy. "This is the only picture I have of him. He was 10 and I was 13 there."

He smiled inside at the little boy and girl sitting on the old front porch stairs together. Johnny hadn't changed much.

"A lot has changed since then," she said to Roy then laughed. "Everything has changed since then for both of us. I bet he doesn't talk about his family much huh?"

"Never actually. Sometimes he will mention things about the reservation but nothing specific."

She sat down again, "Well that sounds like TeeTonka. I'm not surprised at all."

"TeeTonka?" Joanne asked. "Is that his Indian name?"

She laughed, "No that was my nickname for him growing up. TeeTonka, it means 'he who talks too much.'"

This time Roy laughed, "Now that fits him better than any other name I've ever heard."

"That boy could talk your ear off when he got something on his mind," she shook her head with a smile on her face. Then she got a little more serious, "Even with me he didn't talk about home. He just kept in all inside of him. I'd try and he would just clam up. Even the night I ran away, I begged him to come with me. I promise I would take care of him."

"He only remembers that you abandoned him," Joanne said.

"I know," she said sadly. "I never understood why he wouldn't leave. There was nothing there for us anymore."

"You were children," Roy said.

"There was no one to help us, not on the reservation. But it was just like him to keep a promise. When our mom died he promised her he wouldn't abandon our dad but she was so sick. She had no idea of what she was asking from him."

"But he did leave."

"Finally, yes. I went back to get him one night and found out he was gone. It took me years to find him again. My husband and I moved here when we found out where he was living. I just wanted to be near him even if he didn't want to see me.

"You're married?" Joanne asked.

"I was. My husband died in a car accident a few years ago which suddenly made it even more important for me to reach John. He's the only family I have left and I wanted him back in my life. But he said no."

Joanne leaned forward and took her hands, "He was scared. He didn't have any idea what or who he was saying no to. Please give him another chance. He has many friends that love him like family but he needs to know that you are here for him."

"He said he didn't want me to come around," she said as the tears ran down her face. "So I've stayed back and now you're telling me I might lose him?"

This time Roy was on his feet, "Joanne and I have been his family but she's right. I know better than anyone that he needs to see you whether he thinks so or not. And I don't plan on losing anyone right now."

She looked up at this blue eyed man that seemed to be such a fierce protector of her little brother, "Then tell me what I need to do."


	27. Chapter 27

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Treasure your relationships, not your possessions." Anthony J D'Angelo._

* * *

Chapter 27

Joanne and Roy pulled into the driveway to their house once again; the ride home had been silent.

Once again.

"Jo," he said softly. He wasn't even sure what if he was asking to talk or searching for something from her but he felt a need to try and make some form of contact.

"Don't Roy." She put her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. "It's obvious where this is all headed but right now it's not about us. You need to get back to the hospital and meet Kanda there. I'll get the kids and get them some dinner." She climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Even when they were falling apart she could still read him so well. Deep in his heart he felt that nothing had ever changed, in the way he felt or apparently in the way she felt. For a moment he just sat lost in thought. It hadn't been discussed directly, if she had changed her mind, since she had come back down to LA and being in limbo was avoiding the issue he knew. But after going through so much he knew they were both avoiding the direct issue, just like before. Before he was hurt.

He was startled out of his revere by Jenny banging on the window. He rolled it down and smiled at her. An image flashed through his mind of his life without her but thankfully she broke that train of thought.

"Hey sweetheart."

"Daddy, look what I made for Unkle Johnny. Will you take it to him?" She said with a radiant beam on her face as she passed the brightly colored paper to him.

He looked at it and saw a rendition of Johnny with his uniform and fire hat on with her and Chris standing beside a house with a giant 'C' on it. He knew it was Johnny because the figure had a head full of black curly hair. "That's really nice Jenn. I'll be sure to give it to him okay?" He pointed to the 'C', "What does that mean?"

"Carson daddy. I don't want to ever live anywhere again but here with you and Unkle Johnny." With that she waved bye to him and ran off to play. He looked up to see Joanne standing on the porch, obviously able to hear what their daughter had just said. Without a word she went into the house. He wanted to go to her, to talk to her but he no longer knew what to say. Or if it was worth saying anymore.

* * *

He paced the front lobby and kept looking at his watch. She was late. What if she decided to not come?

"You're going to wear a hole in the carpet doing that."

Turning around he saw her smiling at him. "Sorry," he said. "I'm just a little nervous over all this."

"No, I'm sorry I'm running late. I had to chase a horse down and decided I didn't want to smell like a barn if I got to see Johnny today. Wouldn't be a good first impression, you know?" She winked at him.

She had changed into a red and brown stripped skirt with a red shirt both of which further revealed her shapely curves and underlying physique. Her hair was now French braided down her back. She just radiated confidence and spirit, so much like her brother.

"So partner, let's go," she said.

He motioned his hand towards the main hallway, "After you madam."

As they walked down the hallway she started talking, "I wanted to tell you thank you."

"For what?" He asked as he reached for the elevator button.

"For being there for Johnny. I think he's pretty lucky to have such a good friend to watch over him." She looked up at him seeing the worry in his face. "Don't worry. It's going to be okay."

"Worry? Why worry? I'm only doing the one thing that Johnny told me not to do. I just hope he can…" his voice trailed off.

She smiled at this compassionate and caring man, "Trust me Roy. You did the right thing, it was time."

He could only nod as the elevator doors opened and they stepped out. Looking at the sign on the wall he motioned, "Lab's down here."

Roy had already called Brackett and told him they were coming so the paperwork would be ready. He checked her in and they sat and waited. "Has Johnny been happy?" She asked.

It was a simple question but he knew the last few months had been nothing but turmoil for his friend. "Typically yea. The last few months have been hard for him because I had moved away and well, it's a long story."

"But you are back now right?" She could feel a strength in him that was growing, long suppressed but now finding its way forth again.

"Yea, I'm back for good this time."

"I could sense his unrest. Not sure how to explain it but I could tell that something wasn't right." She patted him on the arm. "But now we can help him find some peace."

She seemed so sure, "I hope so." He answered.

They both looked up as the lab tech called her name. Roy stayed seated while she walked towards the back of the lab. When she realized that he wasn't there she turned around with a worried look.

His suppressed a chuckle, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Well, I'm kind of chicken around needles," she said with a crooked smile. He stood up and walked with her.

"Are you sure you two aren't twins?" He said with a snicker.

They sat in the little room waiting for the tech to come and draw her blood. She eyed the man next to her closely knowing there was a long story underneath him of pain and heartache. She could see it in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He blinked his eyes, leaving his revere, to refocus on the here and now. "Sure, why?"

She tilted her head and seemed to study him for a moment, "I see pain."

Roy didn't know what she was talking about, he wasn't in any pain. "Nope, no pain."

Before she could comment more the lab tech came in and worked on drawing her blood. When he was done and had put a band aid on her arm they stood up to leave. "Now what?"

He took a deep breath, "Let's go check on Johnny."

* * *

"Chet will you quit eating my applesauce." Johnny barked at the man in the wheelchair. "It's not like I get a lot of food around here." He sat up and shifted in the bed, he wanted up so bad he was about to scream. But with IV lines going everywhere it seemed getting out of bed took an act of God.

"You were much better company when you were comatose," Chet grumbled.

"Here, read a magazine for a while." Johnny tossed him one off his bedside table, missing the mark and watched it hit the floor. Now they both sat there and looked at it. Johnny confined to bed and Chet unable to move around because of casts everywhere.

"Well good job Gage, now how do you expect me to get that?" He said pointing at the magazine just out of his reach.

"I know why don't you run down to the station and get an extension pole?" Johnny said sarcastically.

"Why you…"

He was stopped by Dixie coming in the door, "Am I going to have to separate you two?"

She was greeted by a resounding "Please" by both men at the same time which only made her smile. It was just too nice to hear Johnny feeling good enough to banter with Chet who was actually doing a good job of keeping him occupied for a while.

"I came to check on you but apparently you feel pretty good to complain this much," she poked at Johnny.

"I'm not complaining, who said I was complaining?" He said as he ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he was in trouble now.

"Oh, only every nurse in the unit. You need friends around here John Gage. You better start behaving." She picked up the now empty tray of food and headed to the door.

"I am behaving," he said but looked down trodden when she didn't reply back. It wasn't his fault he was bored to tears and Roy had been gone all day. Finally Mike brought Chet to visit and he admitted he had enjoyed the company of the cranky mustache – less man but that just wasn't the same as having his best friend to sit and chat with him.

* * *

Roy decided he was more nervous than when he paced the floors waiting for Chris to be born. If he could pace in an elevator he would.

"Would you please relax! You're starting to make me nervous now." She said to him in a half teasing tone.

"Sorry."

She liked Johnny's friend. It was obvious how serious he took his friendship with her brother and there was a warmth and gentleness about him that made her instantly comfortable around him. She felt like she had known him for years.

The doors opened and they stepped out. When they rounded the corner into the waiting room for the ICU Roy was surprised to see Mike sitting there. Mike could have said the same thing when he saw Roy round the corner with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Mike, is everything okay?" Roy asked anxiously.

"Yea, he's fine. I brought Chet down to visit. He was going stir crazy at home so it was get him out of the house or I was going to have to kill him." If you didn't know Mike very well you might take his candid statement as fact and be afraid for Chet's life but Roy knew him pretty well and just smiled at the soft spoken engineer. He also noticed Mike's keen eyes checking Kanda out. "Kanda, this is Mike. He works at the fire station with Johnny and me. Mike, this is Johnny's sister."

"Sister? Really?" Mikes eyes lit up, this was a good thing for Johnny. Something he didn't expect.

She got a big grin on her face, "Yep, sister. It's nice to meet you Mike. How's he doing?"

They were interrupted by Dixie pushing Chet's wheelchair out the door with him complaining the whole time, "It wasn't my fault Dix. You can't blame this on me."

She looked up to Mike with pleading eyes, "Take him home. Those two are going to drive me to drink today."

Like a parent Mike with a difficult child he asked, "What did he do now?"

Chet was shaking his hands, "I didn't do anything Mike. Johnny started it."

"I caught these two making obscene balloon animals with rubber gloves," she said while struggling to suppress the laughter that wanted to come out.

Roy did laugh and Kanda joined right in. Chet and Dixie just stared at her; they couldn't believe how much she resembled Johnny. Roy saw them and introduced them to her. Dixie took her hand warmly and held it.

"I'm so glad you are here for him. Thank you for coming." Then she looked over to Roy, "Are you going in to see him now?"

Roy nodded, "Working on it, how's he doing?"

"He's responded well to the dialysis. It seems to be giving his kidneys the rest they need. His lab results really improved on the last check."

She looked at him. "I told you it would be alright. You will learn to trust my gut instinct Roy DeSoto," she said with a hint of mischief in her voice.

"Okay well, let me go talk to him first and then…" he started but she interrupted him by placing her hand on his arm.

"No Roy. I need to see him alone first. It'll be alright. Something is telling me that he is finally ready."

Roy found himself at a loss for words to argue with her. Again she seemed so confident and sure. Without another word she followed Dixie through the ICU doors and towards his room. Before Dixie could reach the room Kanda stopped her and silently asked her to also wait. Dixie understood and simply pointed to the room he was in. She stayed close behind just in case Johnny got upset.

* * *

She stood outside the door just out of his sight and listened for a moment. She could hear him moving around in the bed, shifting position as best he could with a casted leg. For a moment she closed her eyes and found a center of peace and reached out to him. Then with a calm determination she walked into his room.


	28. Chapter 28

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_A happy family is but an earlier heaven." John Bowring._

_This chapter is a little longer for you. I hope it answers some questions or maybe starts some new ones....._

* * *

Chapter 28

He was turned away from the door a little ready to take a nap for a when he heard someone come back in. Expecting Dixie he said, "Thanks Dix. He was driving me crazy. I thought he would never shut up."

"If I remember correctly that was your specialty TeeTonka," she said softly.

He froze. Not with the fear that he expected to feel but with the kind of anticipation a child has on Christmas morning when they see everything under the tree for the first time. He turned to see her and blinked to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. "Kanda?" She was incredible just like he remembered her from so long ago.

"Yes John," she said almost choking on her own words. She took two steps towards him not believing that after all these years he was right in front of her. Her little brother that she had picked on, tormented, teased but yes, loved.

Without saying another word he reached a hand up and she sprinted to his side in about two strides reaching her arms around him, oblivious to the IV's and equipment that surrounded him. His embrace was equal to hers and he held her tight as she cried on his shoulder.

* * *

Outside the door Dixie pulled a tissue from her jacket and wiped her own tears before heading out to the anxious friends to let them know that Kanda was correct, everything was alright.

* * *

She pulled back and wiped the tears from his face then her own.

"You let your hair grow out," he said with a half smile.

"So did you!" They both laughed.

He had so many questions to ask her that he didn't know where to start. "I'm so sorry," were the first words he could think of.

"Don't be. I understood your fears John and I didn't blame you for them." She sat down on the bed beside him and just looked at him. "I don't think you have changed a bit little brother." He was taller and more handsome but his face, eyes and dark wavy hair hadn't changed a bit. She ran her finger over the healing cut on his forehead.

"You have definitely changed big sis," he said as he looked at her. No longer the gangly, skinny, and awkward teenager he remembered she was now a beautiful woman. "There's so much I want to ask you, to tell you."

"We have time now," she said quietly. "First, tell me what happened."

Over the next little while they talked. He told her about the fire and his fall, surgery and recovery which had been complicated by his current problem.

Like a little child she whispered, "Can I see it?"

He laughed. She had always wanted to see his injuries when they were little then be grossed out about them making all kinds of eww girly faces at him. Of course being a little brother he would torment her with his wounds then tease her about how she could never be a doctor. He raised his shirt up and revealed the not very old large scar on his abdomen. She lightly ran her finger along it to see if it was real. "Eww, that's gross John." She winked at him and made him laugh again.

"Something's never change huh?" He said.

"Some things don't but a lot has changed John." He felt a little tension building as he knew she was about to tell him what happened when she left home. She sensed his concern and smiled. "I will never do anything to hurt you TeeTonka. I understood why you told me no that night I left but later when I came back to get take you with me you were already gone. I spent years trying to find you but then you always were the best at hide and seek."

He smiled. They had become so close after their mother died. Having each other was their only defense against their drunken father. He hadn't always been a bad man but when she was gone he fell apart and after a while he began to take it out on them. A part of Johnny knew it was the alcohol that made him act that way and that was why he stayed even after Kanda had run away. But after a while it only got worse and Johnny's fear deepened to the point that he was afraid for his own life.

He had hated her for leaving him to care for their father alone then afraid to ever have contact with any of them after what his father told him one night. He was drunk as usual but he became so much angrier after Kanda had left with Johnny now taking the brunt of it. Johnny would never forget what he said. _Don't ever think of leaving here John because I will find you. I will hunt you down until the day I die and I will find you. _Johnny never doubted that threat and because of it he had run for years until he found a place in the fire department and a new family with Roy and Joanne. When she had contacted him those old fears resurfaced and took hold of any common sense he might have about the situation. Her letter told him that their father had passed away and that he was safe. But he didn't believe it, he couldn't risk it.

Now she was here and all those fears were gone. Then his thoughts turned to his friend and what he had done. Thank goodness Roy didn't listen to him, once again.

"You're thinking of Roy aren't you?" She said as he tilted her head a little watching him.

"Yea. I can't believe he did this for me."

She nodded thoughtfully, "He came with his wife to find me. He's a good friend John but…"

He knew that look on her face and it set off an alarm in him. "Is he okay?" He was never able to explain it but she always knew when something wasn't right or someone was in trouble. Her 'gut' instinct went beyond gut and into the realm of scary. Their mother called it her gift and had picked her name to reflect it. Wakanda meant "one who possesses magical powers. To see her concern over Roy made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight.

* * *

Dixie went out into the waiting room and Roy saw her red eyes, "Dix is he okay?"

"They are great Roy. She was right you know. He was ready to see her."

Relief flooded his body and he sank down into a chair. His worries about what he had done now gone he took a deep breath and relaxed. Mike had already left with Chet to get him home and help him with dinner leaving Roy alone in the waiting room after Dixie left. It was now dark outside and getting late but he didn't want to interrupt their time together knowing that she would be out soon. He wanted to wait and see her one more time. To tell her thank you.

There was something about her that was soothing and peaceful. He found his thoughts turning to Joanne. They were anything but soothing and peaceful. His inner demons were wearing a hole in his stomach and growing an ulcer the size of Big Red. Something needed to be decided between them soon. Not knowing was just too hard. Mentally he had reached the point that he knew what was going to happen. He just wanted it decided on.

* * *

"He's in a lot of pain John; I can feel it from him."

He was trying to understand her and he learned a long time ago that it often took her a while to understand what she sensed. It was easier for her to answer specific questions. "Is he injured?"

"No," she shook her head and paused. "His heart is hurting." She then thought about seeing him with his wife, Joanne. That was when she had made a connection with him. One that allowed her to perceive that something was very wrong between them. She looked at Johnny, "Have they been having trouble?"

He understood now, "Yes they are struggling to save their marriage." He didn't think he could go through the last 6 months again, not even to tell her.

She could feel how distraught he was over it. "It's alright. You don't have to talk about it. I can see that their pain deeply affects you too little brother." She took his hand in hers.

"They're my family too," he said and then realized that the spot of emptiness inside him was now gone. Even being a part of the DeSoto's' had never completely filled it. He leaned his head back and felt the after effects of the adrenaline and excitement which now left him exhausted.

Seeing him struggling to hold his eyes open she slid down off the bed and pulled the covers up to him. Kissing him on the cheek she said, "Get some rest. I'll be back."

"You better," he said playfully.

* * *

He felt a nudge on his arm where he had fallen asleep with his head in his hand. Looking up he smiled to see Kanda there with a big grin on her face. She sat down beside him but creased her forehead some.

"Are you okay?" She asked with genuine concern.

He sat up and stretched out his arms some, "Yea, sorry. I must have dozed off." He looked at her closely trying to read how things went, "Well?"

She laughed at him and placed her hand on his arm, "You did a good thing Roy."

Her hand on him was distracting, more than it should have been. He stood up, breaking the contact. "Yes _you_ did. How's he doing?"

"Sleeping now. We spent a lot of time talking about past issues, his and mine. We also talked about you."

His eyebrows went up with that, "Why about me?"

She stood up beside him. "It was only Johnny and I for the most part growing up and when he would get mad at me he would yell that he hated me and wanted a brother," she chuckled. Then her deep brown eyes got more serious "I think he found one."

Roy smiled softly at her, "I don't think you have to worry about him hating you anymore."

"Not hating but I bet he can still yell when he's mad," she said then laughed.

Roy joined her and felt the old and long held onto tension in his shoulders start to finally melt away. "Well, I better get going. I have to work tomorrow and need a descent night's sleep. I'll walk you out."

Together they worked their way to the front door in silence, a comfortable silence. He followed her to her Rover and held the door while she climbed in. There was something she wanted to tell him but since he wasn't familiar with her 'sense' she chose to remain quiet. Besides she had just met him.

"Thank you Roy. I'll be back tomorrow to meet with Dr. Brackett about the test results."

"I'll try and swing by if I'm not busy but he knows there's no promise there from me and work," he said smiling. "Drive safe Kanda."

He watched her pull out then headed to his own car. This working out for Johnny was more than he had ever dreamed about for his friend. Now the final decision would be made tomorrow when all the tests would be back in and finally some answers for Johnny. And lastly he had made some final decisions about him and Joanne.

* * *

It was late, he realized that, but he had to talk to her. Once again he found himself on his own front porch feeling awkward. He saw her peak out the front curtain wondering who was knocking so late at night. The door opened and without greeting him she stepped to the side and allowed him to come into the living room. He knew the kids would be fast asleep by now and it was a good time to sit with her.

"I hope it's not too late for me to drop by," he asked.

"No, you know me. I'll be up late." Her voice actually reflected a little bit of excitement to see him. This might be it she thought. Johnny was doing better and maybe they could move on again and try to restart their lives.

"Jo, we have to talk about us."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to hear the depression in his voice. "Sure honey." She tried to keep up the happy thoughts.

He looked up at that, honey? Somehow it pissed him off. After all they had been through little token words of affection was not what they needed right now. "Jo, I'm not leaving the department again." It was her reaction that he needed to see. It would tell him what he wanted to know. And it did.

She stiffened. "I thought…"

"Thought what Joanne?" He quipped back.

"I thought that if I came down here to help with the kids that you might…well…want to focus on us again."

"There's nothing left to focus on if you think I'm leaving my job again."

There it was. She saw the resolution in his blue eyes. He wasn't going to back down and neither was she. "I won't go back to that life."

"I know," he said but this time there was no sadness in his voice. "Are you going to stay here or go back up north?"

She stood up and moved around the living room. "Well, I have already made some plans of my own."

Now he was bordering on yelling, "Like what?"

"I closed my lease on the apartment up there and I've already found a job down here. I start next week, full time as a secretary at an insurance company. The pay is good and will help me pay for my apartment."

He shook his head, "What apartment?" He was annoyed that while he was worrying about what would happen she was already off making plans without him.

"I will get my own place," she said.

His next thought was the kids. If she wasn't going to be here that was fine with him but what did she plan for them?

"Of course my final hope was that you would change your mind but I figured we were past that point. Hey, couldn't blame me for hoping could ya?" She said with a half smile and shrug of her shoulders. Seeing no reaction from him she continued. "Deep down I knew it wouldn't happen so I started making plans."

"This goes beyond me changing my mind you know that right? I don't think I could ever truly forgive you for walking out on me when I needed you the most. Me staying at the station is just an excuse for both of us now." Now to his primary concern, "What about Jenny and Chris?"

She made a heavy sigh at his words. "This is their home, it's where they belong and I won't take that from them again but I won't give them up completely."

"I don't want you to. You are and have always been a good mother Jo."

"That's why I will get an apartment. They can stay with you on your off days and with me when you're on shift. I will stay close to be here for them." The 'and not for you' was unspoken but heard loudly by Roy.

He thought about it and couldn't find reason to argue. He never had any intentions of taking them from her. She was a wonderful mother to them and they needed her. He knew that Jenny was having separation issues with him but her mother was what she truly needed in her life and he knew that.

"Okay." He got the house and the kids. She would be close for them and a part of their lives too. And he got to keep his job. At this point he knew it was the best of both worlds. That is in a divorced world. "Does that mean we are done?"

"I don't know how anything can change at this point but I thought maybe we could just separate for now and hold off on anything official. Just in case."

In case what, was all he could think about. The only thing she would wait on was for him to leave the department. It was her ultimatum and the only thing she still seemed to hold out on. "No," he said. "I can't drag this out anymore. I just can't spend the next 6 months or year with it hanging over my head."

* * *

It wasn't what he had planned for or what he would have dreamt of by any means but divorce was the end solution for them. She was the woman he had fallen in love with, married, had children with and planned on growing old and grey. Those dreams were now gone and even though there was an empty place in his heart he knew he would somehow find a way to survive without her.

Finally he crawled into bed that night, for the first time in a very long time, with a little peace in his heart and a hope that someday that space would be filled again.


	29. Chapter 29

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere." Françoise de la Rochefoucauld._

_AN: Sorry, if you read an earlier Chapter 29 I recanted and made some changes. Felt too many things were left unsettled. Here we go again :)_

* * *

Chapter 29

The morning was fairly quiet at the station and Roy was teamed with Dwyer for the day. Looking at his watch he knew it was almost time for Kanda to meet with Brackett. All the results should be in.

"Hey, Dwyer. Let's go by Rampart and get supplies," he said as he finished up his cup of coffee.

"Sure Roy, can we grab some lunch while were out?" He was starving. "Scott's cooking something that's kind of green in the pot."

Roy grinned, "Sounds like his Tuesday surprise." Scott Taggle was filling in for Chet until he was released to come back and unfortunately for the crew he didn't cook any better that his missing comrade.

"I don't know what it is but it scares me," Dwyer laughed as he climbed into the squad.

They headed out to the hospital but for some reason Roy wasn't worried about what Brackett would have to say. Something in his proverbial gut told him that Johnny was going to be okay no matter what happened. It also helped that he had slept like a rock last night and woke up with some things finally put to rest in his life.

"Isn't today when you find out about everyone's lab test for Johnny?"

Roy glanced over as he turned down the street, "Yea. I hope maybe they have heard something while we're there."

Dwyer knew how close of friends they were, "Well I hope its good news for Johnny."

Roy nodded. Of course he agreed. It was time to get him out of that hospital and back to work. He had been lucky enough to work with Dwyer for most shifts but it wasn't the same without Johnny riding shotgun.

They came down the hallway towards the nurse's desk to find Dixie on the phone. She finished up her conversation and smiled at the medics standing beside her.

"Hey fellows," she said as she hung up the phone.

"Hey Dix, is Brackett around?" Roy asked as Dwyer passed the supply list over to her.

"He's tied up in the OR today." She knew what he was wanting, the same news they were all waiting for. She shook her head, "Sorry Roy, but he said the results weren't in yet. Probably tomorrow he wanted me to tell you and Kanda."

Roy looked around before he realized what he was doing, "Is she here?"

Dixie shrugged, "I haven't seen her yet."

"Okay, I'm going to run upstairs and …" he was interrupted by the radio going off. He listened to the call for a car accident then turned back to her as they headed down the hall, "Tell Johnny, I'll see him later."

* * *

The rest of his shift was nonstop and he was exhausted when he got off work. He decided to drag his tired old body back to the apartment and get a shower before going back to the hospital. He turned on the hot water and sat on the end of the bed to pull his shoes off when the phone rang. It was Joanne. After talking to her and getting a hot shower he sat down on the couch. Succumbing to his emotional and physical exhaustion Roy was asleep within minutes.

Rolling over he was awakened by the sharp stab of something in his side. Groaning he forced his eyes open and reached down to find a Barbie leg sticking up from between the couch cushions. Suddenly he realized how late it was. It was getting dark outside. Damn. He picked up the phone and called the ICU and asked for Johnny's room.

"Hello." It was a female voice on the phone; he knew immediately who it was.

"Hi Roy. It's Kanda," she said.

"Kanda, did Brackett have the results today?" He was kicking himself for letting the whole day slip away from him.

"He came by earlier and said some of them were in but not all. He told me to come to his office tomorrow at eleven."

"Okay, I'll be there too. How's Johnny today?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself, hold on," she said as she passed the phone to him.

"Roy," Johnny answered.

"Hey partner, sorry I missed you today but kind of fell asleep on the couch and lost track of time."

"Don't worry about it, Kanda has kept me company. Drop by tomorrow if you can," Johnny said.

"Guaranteed Junior. See ya then." Roy hung up the phone still feeling guilty for not going by today. But now he had to focus on something important for this evening. He freshened up and then headed over to see Joanne.

* * *

Roy sat on the couch, his hands were sweating. He wanted to get up and pace the floors but Joanne was already doing that for him. They had decided it was time to talk to the kids about what was going on. He was concerned about how Jenny was coping with everything and felt it was something they needed to do as soon as possible. He knew they were smart kids and had already lived in turmoil long enough.

"Okay mom, we're here." Chris said as he held Jenny's hand coming down the stairs.

"Okay," Joanne said and took a deep breath. But then she looked like a deer in the headlights so Roy jumped right on in.

"You guys know that mom and I have been having trouble recently and we just wanted to say how sorry we are for making you go through so many changes." He watched as Jenny climbed out of the chair with Chris and up onto the couch with him. Swinging her leg over his lap she put both arms around him and held on for dear life.

He rubbed her back to comfort her, "Mom and I have decided what we are going to do and we wanted to tell you so you wouldn't wonder anymore."

Chris suddenly looked so much younger as his eyes widened, "You're not leaving again are you dad?"

Roy shook his head as he felt Jenny pull her arms even tighter, "No son. I'm no leaving. Your mom and I will both be here for you guys from now on."

Joanne found her voice again, "Chris, I'm going to have a separate house from dad but I will be right here in town. Your father will move back into this house with you and Jenny. When he's at work you will stay with me but on his off days you two will be here with him. We will both be involved in your school projects and activities."

He heard her voice break a little as she fought back the tears. He gently pulled Jenny back away from him. "Jenny honey, it's going to be okay. Your mom and I love you both so much that we don't want to miss anything you do."

"Then don't do this to us!" Chris yelled suddenly.

"Chris, we are doing this for you. Just because your mother and I are not able to live together anymore doesn't mean we love you any less. We worked hard to come up with a plan that put you two first. We both want to be a part of your lives. It's not going to be easy but we will make it work."

He looked down at his little daughter and wiped the tears from her face, "Jenn, do you understand that mommy and I love you?"

She nodded but the tears still fell. Joanne came and knelt down beside her and rubbed her head gently, "Baby, daddy and I will still be with you just in different houses like we're doing now. You don't have to worry about daddy going away again okay?"

A little smile escaped her lips and she hugged him tightly again. Chris didn't look so happy but he did look less angry. "I guess we don't have any say in this do we?"

"When it comes to your mom and me, no you don't but we want you to tell us how things are going for you two. That's what's important right now." He watched as Chris nodded. Roy knew this was so hard on them but he and Joanne had agreed to make them the priority and that was the best they could do right now.

* * *

The next morning seemed to take forever to get there. After sleeping half the previous day away he only tossed and turned all night. He felt a little better about Jenny and Chris but now he faced one of his worst fears, Johnny's fate.

He knocked on Brackett's door and after hearing the 'come on in' call he stepped in to find Kanda already there. She looked up at him and greeted him with a warm smile. "Have a seat Roy we were just getting started." He motioned for Roy to have a seat. Roy nodded his head at Kanda and sat down in the chair beside her.

Brackett sat down and opened a folder. Roy was sure he was moving as slow as possible to torture him when finally he looked up at them.

"I have to be honest with both of you. This hasn't turned out like I had thought it would," he said then paused as he continued to look over Johnny's latest tests.

"Doc?" Roy asked thinking he might have to get the file and read it himself.

"When we started his treatment his left kidney had all but stopped functioning, the right one was injured but in danger of complete failure also. The current recommended treatment is dialysis until a transplant can be found since living on dialysis for the rest of their life isn't optimal. Many patients with that much injury and loss of function don't even respond to therapy."

Roy had heard all this before and his heart was about to pound out of his chest, "Doc, would you just say it."

Kanda just smiled at the impatient man beside her. Of course she wanted to hear the final results too but she knew something Roy didn't. She had already seen what would happen to Johnny.

Brackett realized he was rambling but he preferred complete explanations, "Johnny's studies have actually improved daily despite my concerns. Yesterday we did another scan and it showed the right kidney at full function again and the more injured one on the left is so much improved that he no longer even qualifies for the transplant list. He's been off treatment for 48 hours now and his labs only continue to improve. We'll still have to keep a close eye on him for the next few months but I've already written the orders for him to be moved to a regular room. I'll be ready to send him home in a few days."

Roy couldn't believe it. Another one of Johnny's lives had been used again as he skirted the worst of the possible dangers. "Home? He's well enough to go home?"

"Yep, leave it to Johnny to break all the rules once again. Now, I want him to take it easy for a while. I won't release him to work for at least another month but yea, I'm ready to kick him out of here."

Kanda stood up and shook the doctor's hand. She didn't know him but she knew enough that he really cared about what happened to Johnny and that made him important to her. "Thank you Dr. Brackett."

"That's what I'm here for but I know he wouldn't have bounced back like this without you two. He never ceases to amaze me," he said as he shook his head.

The three moved out of the office and into the waiting room just outside. Brackett said his goodbye quickly as he was called back to the ER for patient care.

"Are you going up to see Johnny now?" Kanda asked him.

Roy hesitated in his answer, "Yea, for a little while. You?"

"I saw him this morning. I have to get back home, have a sick foal to deal with." She stood there with her hands tucked into the back pockets of her blue jeans. Today she was much more casual as she wore her boots and a white t-shirt. She watched him closely and felt his tension. "You okay today?"

"Yea, I'm okay," he said taking a deep breath.

Smiling she pushed the elevator button for him, "Tell him I'll see him tomorrow."

He felt more relaxed, "I will."

When the elevator doors opened Roy's demeanor changed so sharply that Kanda almost winced out loud. She then looked over to see Joanne step off of it.


	30. Chapter 30

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"_Peace is not something you wish for, it's something you make, something you do, something you are, something you give away." Robert Fulghum._

* * *

Chapter 30

Roy and Kanda stood in front of the elevator. "Jo, what are you doing here?" Why did he feel so suspicious of her actions?

She was also caught off guard seeing him with Kanda.

"Hello Joanne, how are you?" Kanda chose to ignore the tension between them.

"Hi Kanda, I'm good." She then looked at Roy, "I just came to check on Johnny and make sure he didn't need anything." She looked over to Kanda then back at him, "Am I interrupting something?"

Roy worked to control his voice, "We just met with Dr. Brackett. I'm heading up to see Johnny now."

"I know I heard. Johnny is so relieved. His biggest fear was that someone would have to have surgery because of him." Joanne said to Kanda.

Roy knew that would be true. It would be normal for Johnny to worry about everyone else first.

She took Joanne's hand, "Thanks for coming to see him. You are his family too and he still needs to have all of us around him to reassure him."

"That what I came for. I had to talk to him and tell him how sorry I was," she looked to Roy. "For everything that happened."

Roy's eyes softened. He could see that she was hurting but a part of him knew that the 'sorry' was for Johnny and not for him. Maybe if even a part of that had been for him then things could have been different. He didn't speak harshly but simply excused himself, "I 'm going to go check on him." He moved past the two women and headed to Johnny's room.

* * *

He was sitting up in bed and watching TV when Roy came in. His color continued to improve and although he looked even thinner from being so restricted on his diet it was obvious his energy level was improving every day.

"Hey partner, did you hear?"

Roy's smile spread across his face, "Sure did Junior. You're getting out of here soon I hear."

"Not fast enough I tell ya. Just promise me one thing pally, if I try anything stupid at work and wind up in the ER anytime soon feel free to beat me with a stick." Johnny said with an air of exasperation.

Roy chuckled, "Well let's get you well then we'll discuss the beatings."

Johnny nodded. "Hey did you see Kanda out there anywhere?"

"Yea, she's talking to Joanne," Roy's voice got quieter.

"I'm really sorry Roy. She told me about what happened, about her moving out for good." Johnny's heart went out to his friend. Joanne had come in and poured her heart out to him, apologizing for her actions that night to him, for the aftermath of her actions on him and the station. Then she cried as she told him about the separation decision they had made. He took her apology because even family makes big mistakes and try to make amends. And no matter what they had been through she was family to him. He hurt for his friend knowing how hard it must have been for him, his pain so strong that even Kanda felt it when she didn't even know him.

"We're working it out as best we can." Roy didn't really want to go into it. Johnny was trying to recover and he didn't need to worry about him and Joanne's issues.

"Just let me know if I can do anything to help, k?" His offer was as sincere as they come and Roy knew it.

"I will, thanks."

* * *

Roy headed back to the hospital the next morning and found Kanda visiting again with Johnny. He pulled up a chair and sat down, "Glad to see you two getting some catch up time."

Johnny nodded, "Roy did you know she had a ranch?" Johnny sounded like a little kid.

"Yes Johnny, remember I went and got her," Roy chuckled.

"Sorry, she just got here and was telling me some things about her. Keep going Kanda."

She crossed her long legs and leaned back on her hands, "Well Greg and I built the ranch together. I just wanted to keep it going but it's a lot of work. If I didn't have good ranch hands it wouldn't survive when I was at my real job."

Roy and Johnny both noticed the reference to work, "What do you do?"Roy asked.

She smiled, "Well, Johnny's not going to believe this but I went back to school. I was determined to follow my dream. I would have never been able to do it if it wasn't for my husband." She looked at him, "Do you remember what my dream was Johnny?"

He smiled, "You didn't."

"I did."

"Did what?" This was driving Roy crazy.

Johnny got a smirk on his face, "I can't believe it; you hated blood!"

She laughed at him, "Guess you teased me enough that I couldn't do it so I felt obligated to prove you wrong little brother."

"Okay, I give up," Roy said in exasperation.

"Roy, she became a doctor," Johnny said in awe of his little sister.

"You're a doctor?" Roy was a little shocked by that. She had never said anything to hint at it.

"Well, I'm almost done. I did all my resident requirements to graduate but decided to do a specialty. When Greg was killed I couldn't really do much of anything for a while and had to put school on the back burner. I should be done by the end of the year. It's just hard to do school full time and run the ranch alone."

"I think you might have some help soon," he said looking over at Johnny.

"Well between working and the ranch about 110 percent of my life is occupied. I won't complain about having a little brother around," she kiddingly grumbled. She looked to her brother, "Do you like what you do?"

He leaned back against his pillow and placed his arms behind his head, "It's been kind of rough recently but basically yes, I love what I do. Roy and I have been partners for a while now. I tried going back to firefighting for a while but being a paramedic is what I really love doing." And he knew that getting back in the squad with Roy at his side would somehow put the world right again.

"And you?" She asked Roy.

"It's the only thing I know. Doing something else just doesn't make sense." He reflected on the last few months.

Johnny watched his friend knowing that although he was elated to have his partner back he knew it had come with a price.

"I have to admit I don't really know all that you guys do but I have a lot of respect for your work. I work in such a controlled environment and with little surprise but what you do is so dangerous. I'm just glad someone is looking out for the rest of us."

"So you're not going to become some paranoid, drive me nuts over what I do, big sister?" Johnny asked with a smirk on his face.

"I wouldn't do that Johnny. What you do is too important to you. Now you have to allow me a little worry from time to time but I won't get crazy on ya."

The conversation was now uncomfortable to Roy. It hit too close to home, well it smacked the house right up the side of its face. "I'm gonna run Johnny." He stood up and Johnny suddenly realized.

"Oh God Roy, I'm sorry." He felt horrible for being so engrossed in conversation with Kanda that he didn't think about what they were talking about.

Roy waved him off, "It's okay Junior. I'm worn out and need a nap before getting the kids from Joanne later today."

"Okay," Johnny still felt bad for his friend.

Johnny and Kanda watched him leave then she slid off the bed, "I said something wrong didn't I?"

"It's okay. It's just something between him and Joanne right now," Johnny tried to reassure her.

"It hurt him I could feel it."

"Kanda, I don't understand. Usually your gut feelings are for family or someone you're really close to why do you have such a connection with him? You don't even know him well."

She shook her head, "I don't know, maybe it's because you are close to him."

"Maybe," Johnny said.

Kanda looked at him, "John, come home with me, to the ranch tomorrow. Let me take care of you while you recover."

He liked that idea, "Well, Roy is staying at my place for right now so I know it's taken care of. It should be okay I just need to check with him first."

"Good. It will give us time to catch up on everything."

* * *

Roy went back to the apartment and laid down for a nap. He suspected that Johnny would want to spend time with Kanda when he left the hospital and had decided to keep watching after his place as long as needed. He looked forward to getting settled back in at home, his home with the Jenny and Chris. It would take some transition time but he and Joanne agreed that Jenny and Chris were now the top priority and they would bend over backwards to make sure they coped well with what happened.

He had already updated Cap and Mike at the station, who in turn would call Marco and Chet. Everyone being disjointed and separated had driven them all nuts but soon they would be back together as a shift and as a family. That was what he had come back for, more than just simply the job. Johnny would be the last to return but he knew his partner would be in good hands while he recovered. Kanda was a never ending surprise to him and his comfort around her was surprising. More than likely because she had a little of Johnny in her but it was her own personality and individuality that set her apart from him in so many ways. He looked forward to learning more about her in the future but for right now he had to focus on his house and his children.

* * *

Later that day Johnny and Kanda were sitting quietly watching TV when there was a knock at his door.

"Knock, knock," Marco said as he opened the door and hobbled in on his healing ankle.

"Marco! Come in," Johnny said as the man came in. He was followed by Mike, Chet and Hank.

Kanda slid down off the bed feeling a little awkward with the room full of men. Hank noticed her discomfort. "Sorry we didn't mean to barge in," he said.

"Not at all, come in. He'll probably be glad to see another face other than me," she said with a smile.

Marco took note that she had a face anyone would like to sit around and look at. Her eyes sparkled with life, her face with chiseled cheek bones and full lips. Her figure was perfect in every aspect. Yes, she was incredible. "Exactly how did Johnny get such a lovely sister in his family?" Marco said jokingly.

Chet rolled his eyes, "She must be adopted." He said sarcastically.

"Hey!" Johnny said indigent to the comment.

Hank and Mike chuckled. "Easy does it pally," Hank told him.

"Johnny?" Kanda was now feeling lost in this obvious room full of friends.

"Oh, sorry. These are the guys I work with. Mike, Marco, Captain Stanley, and the one dressed in white is Chet."

Chet grumbled at the 'white' comment. He was about to itch to death in the casts and was more anxious than anyone to get them off as soon as possible.

"It's nice to meet you guys. Thank you for taking care of my little brother," she said with genuine warmth in her voice.

Mike walked over to Johnny's bed and pinched his cheek, "Aww…we love looking after the little tyke."

Johnny swatted his hand away, "Will you stop that."

Kanda laughed with the others as they gathered around his bed to catch him up on recent station happenings. These were good men, she could tell right away and although the feeling wasn't as strong as with Roy she felt their closeness, the bond that held them together and knew her brother was in the best of hands.

She looked forward to being a part of this family. After being alone for so long now she needed this brother and his 'family' in her life as much as he needed her. She didn't know exactly what the future held for any of them but her gut told her it was good and yes, they were all going to be alright.


	31. Chapter 31

Goodbye and Hello

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

"We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise, we harden." Goethe.

* * *

Chapter 31

Roy pulled up the long driveway remembering the first time he drove down it more than five weeks ago. Johnny had stayed with her and Roy kept in close contact over the weeks but remained busy himself with Jenny and Chris. As he parked in front of the house Jenny jumped out of the car and ran straight for the swing on the big tree that had become her favorite spot on the whole ranch. Chris was going to the barn where he knew Smokey was waiting on him. Smokey was the big black horse that Kanda was teaching him to ride.

"Roy!"

He looked up to see Johnny riding up on horseback, something he was spending a lot of time doing recently. And Roy could see that he loved every minute of it.

"I hope you know that horse won't fit in your apartment," Roy said smartly.

He laughed, "Hey, I have a back porch." He looked over to see Jenny waving at him and her yelling his name at the top of her lungs. She was so glad to see him but the giant swing always came first. He slid down with a hop and a bounce. "Hey Will!" He called out to the ranch hand by the corral.

The man looked up and waved as he ran over to get the horse.

"Cool him down. I worked him hard today," Johnny said as the man led the horse away. He looked back to his friend, "Come on, we can go in the house to get something to drink."

Roy followed him in. Each time he found something else to love about this place. He never considered himself a 'ranch' type of person but every visit Johnny taught him something new.

"Well partner, tomorrows the big day. You ready?" Roy asked almost a little afraid to hear the answer. Johnny had been really happy out here and had shown no interest in returning back to the city.

"Well actually," he paused. "I've been thinking Roy."

Roy's heart went into his throat.

Johnny laughed, "If you could see the look on your face right now."

Kanda came in from the kitchen and slapped him on the back of his shoulder, "I can't believe you would do that to him." She handed Roy a glass of lemonade and sat down beside him. "That's just mean!"

Roy took a deep breath, "I ought a…"

She nudged him, "Go ahead, I won't tell."

They all laughed.

Chris came running in the house, "Dad! Aunt Kanda, Jenny's hurt." Everyone was on their feet and out the door. Roy's heart skipped a beat when he saw her lying on her back underneath the swing. When they got closer she started crying.

Roy reached down to pick her up but felt Kanda's hand on his arm stopping him. Johnny turned to run back into the house to call for help.

"Hold on Johnny, let me check her," she said as Jenny tried to sit up. Roy was right beside her and she leaned against him as he held her sobbing, shaking little body. Kanda stood close to him and ran her fingers over Jenny's head and neck as she whispered reassurances gently in her ear.

Roy reached up and dried her tears.

Next she raised her shirt up and examined the scratches up her back which looked superficial. "Jenny does anything hurt?"

"I hit my head," she said as she was calming down under the soothing touch of her aunt.

Kanda looked at Roy and saw the panic in his eyes for his daughter, "I think she's okay Roy. Some scratches and some bruises by morning but only a small bump on her head. We'll keep a close eye on her for a couple of hours."

Roy only nodded as he held her but by then she was struggling to get back out of his arms. He helped her to her feet. "No more swing today okay?" She nodded as she ran off to the kitchen.

"Once again you remind us that it's nice to have a pediatrician in the family," Johnny said with a big smile on his face.

"Thanks Kanda," Roy said. "I guess the dad in me comes out, not the paramedic."

She looked into his caring blue eyes, "That's how it should be. You're a great father Roy and you're doing all the right things for your kids. Don't ever doubt that."

How did she do that? How did she always know what was nagging at him? Roy thought.

She turned around, "Now back to you evil little brother."

Johnny tried to play innocent, "What did I do?"

"You tell that partner of yours how you have driven me nuts over the last two weeks about how excited you are to go back to work."

Roy smirked, "I see." He loved watching Johnny squirm under his big sisters torment.

* * *

"Squad 51………….man down……………..time out 0814."

Johnny jumped into the passenger side of the squad and grabbed his hat, sliding it onto his head as he turned to see Roy take the slip of paper from Hank.

Hank leaned into the open window, "Welcome back Gage." He said with a grin.

They pulled out onto the street and headed to the scene. Roy pulled up to the run down sandwich shop and parked. They jumped out and grabbed boxes then headed into the little shop.

"Did someone call for help?" Johnny asked as he quickly scanned the interior. Seeing no customers he tried to surmise where the one needing help might be.

Roy stepped behind the counter while calling out again, "Hello? Is anyone here?"

Once they pushed the kitchen door open they saw a man unconscious on the floor but strangely no one else was around. Roy immediately knelt down to him, pushed the broken pieces of glass away from him and felt for a pulse, "He's alive."

Roy looked up to see Johnny standing perfectly still, "Johnny?"

Johnny spoke softly, "Pick him up Roy; we gotta get out of here fast."

Roy didn't question the look in his partner's eyes. He immediately pulled the man onto his shoulder in a fireman's hold while Johnny grabbed the boxes. They ran out of the door as fast as they could when the massive blast of the gas explosion hit them in the backs, knocking them all to the ground.

Roy pushed himself up on his elbows and turned the unconscious man over to make sure he was still alive. He then looked at Johnny who was also crawling up to his knees and into the cab of the Squad.

After he radioed for assistance he looked down, "Are you okay?" He asked anxiously.

Roy nodded, "How did you know? I didn't smell any gas."

"It was the broken coffee pot," he said cryptically.

"What?" Roy talked as they began assessing their patient.

"Last night I was talking to Kanda on the phone and it was weird. She asked if you drank coffee. When I told her no she told me that you should be careful of the broken coffee pot because she saw a bright flash."

"You're kidding me," Roy said astonished at her gut instinct.

"Welcome to the family partner. Welcome to the family."

_**AN:**__ Thanks to everyone for all the great reviews. This story was fun. Just let me know if you're interested in hearing more about Johnny and Kanda in the future._


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